Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU...DP and London

221 replies

Bazoo23 · 12/02/2014 15:16

I have recently started a new job and as part of this job I have to attend a training day in London.
We live about 5 hours from London. My employer will pay my train fare and I just assumed my partner would come with me.
However when I got the date through it falls week after we are away for a week.
My DP said hed be pushing his luck to ask for a day off so soon and wont even try.
AIBU to feel hurt that he doesnt seem worried about me goig alone? We are from a very small town and I am really nervous of being alone im a big city. Im also worried about travelling back in the evening.
I feel like it will be so obvious I have no clue what Im doing that I will be an easy target :-(

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 12/02/2014 17:25

I meant her worries don't ring true.

Nothing more.

OP has got herself into an illogical muddle.

Report me if you think my drafting is so bad that my comment is unacceptable.

limitedperiodonly · 12/02/2014 17:26

Maybe that's the thing.

People are far too quick to report and MNHQ are far too quick to delete lately.

Let it stand so we can judge.

I love my adopted city and pile in on those threads where people trash Londoners.

But AFAIKS on this thread people have been know-it-alls for no better reason that that of geography.

If anyone wants to play Postcode Top Trumps I could join in. I'd feel confident of beating you on so many levels - not that I'm sneering, or anything, you understand.

But on reflection, I decline. Because it's shameful and pathetic.

NewtRipley · 12/02/2014 17:26

Stella

Ah OK
sorry I misunderstood

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/02/2014 17:31

just never alone was what OP said about travelling abroad.

She's not made a reference to DCs but a friend of mine lost confidence after her pfb, bordered on agoraphobia. It affected her for some months.

JeanSeberg · 12/02/2014 17:33

I'd love to know what this 3.5 hour course is.

WottaTheOdds · 12/02/2014 17:33

My my my what a lot you have taken that wasn't there Limited

In my post I said I had no problem with people being nervous of London even though I'm not and I have other fears centred elsewhere, so I implied I actually sympathised with the OP on that score. Not about trashing/not trashing London at all, as I said.

There was no point in letting the OP's deleted post stand (though it wasn't ultimately my decision of course, and for all I know other people could have reported it) because it contained no argument, no pint, no information, it was just plain nasty name calling. As I also said, I didn't take it personally, it wasn't aimed at me (and nor would it have been as until that point I had been reading only).

So your confidence in beating me is probably not all misplaced because I really am not familiar with the game. So your 'declining' is a bit redundant...no one else is playing anyway. But I think you are sneering, aren't you?

WottaTheOdds · 12/02/2014 17:34

No point dammit

Bassetfeet · 12/02/2014 17:35

OP I understand completely your fear. Anxiety unless you suffer from it is easy to mock.
Like others have wisely advised planning is your key here . Get your Oyster card online if necessary otherwise I would take a taxi to venue and back the first visit. If you could afford your Ohs fare then the expense will be justifiable . Don't mean that nastily .

It will boost your confidence and hopefully will make you so determined to visit London again to see the sights and travel around without fretting.
Good luck and enjoy the train and experience .

WeGotAnnie · 12/02/2014 17:38

Its a work trip, yes? You'll be fine. You need to work on your confidence and independence and this will be a good starting point.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 12/02/2014 17:46

Horrible threadSad

OP, don't be afraid of asking for directions, it's completely common place and everyone does it. Contrary to popular belief most people are more than happy to point you in the right direction. Even
Londoners ask directions now and again,I can't remember anyone just ignoring me in 20 years of living thereSmile

Bazoo23 · 12/02/2014 17:54

Thanks for most of your replies faith in MN restored!
I accept IABU and will stop giving poor DP a hard time.
Unfortunately I wont be able to stay over as my employer is paying for ticket and I will be at work thw next day.

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 12/02/2014 18:04

My daughter who is 18 and still in sixth form went on a trip to Cambridge a couple months ago and we had booked her a coach trip connecting in London. On the way back she missed her connecting coach (the last one of the day) due to her earlier coach arriving late, but she managed to negotiate her way across London on the underground with no problem, and got herself home by train.

You can do it, and you will be fine.

WottaTheOdds · 12/02/2014 18:05

Unfortunately I wont be able to stay over as my employer is paying for ticket and I will be at work the next day.

Well this is a whole other can of worms....I hope you will be getting overtime for something like a 14 -15 hour day???

ohfourfoxache · 12/02/2014 18:05

Bazoo please, please don't worry. The underground is pretty straightforward, just follow the right colours and you'll be fine.

If you want to pm me when you get the info through then I'd be more than happy to help you to plan your journey (I go from just inside the m25 in NW London to Wandsworth every day - it's fine, I promise you)

HolgerDanske · 12/02/2014 18:06

Must add I'm certainly not making light of your anxiety - I suffer from it myself and know how debilitating it can be. But you are a capable person and will definitely be able to do it, you just need to plan well.

limitedperiodonly · 12/02/2014 18:08

It was a general 'you' WottaTheOdds not a specific one aimed at 'anyone', not you, but I apologise because that wasn't clear.

I answered you only because you addressed me. I do think you were rather sensitive to a bit of tit for tat from the OP but hey, that's my opinion.

I haven't read any of your other posts.

And I still think people, if not specifically you, have been mean and inexplicably superior.

Fantasyfootballfan · 12/02/2014 18:23

You will be fine. 10 year old children travel from the suburbs to the City on their own twice a day. Plan your route. If you tell us which station you are coming into we can tell you how to get to your destination. Worst case scenario get of the train, head straight for the taxi rank and hey a black cab to your destination. They are totally safe.

PicaK · 12/02/2014 18:47

I haven't ploughed thru all 6 pages but wanted to say you'll be fine. Here are some useful tips.

Have a handbag you can put the strap diagonally across your body. Have the flap/opening facing you.

Carry your travelcard (you can buy an oyster card online) in a place where you can reach in and get it instantly.

When you get on a tube try to stay near the door so you don't get trapped half way down the carriage. It is normal to travel extremely near (touching) to the next person.

When you get off move over to the wall. Don't stop as you get off cos people behind you will shove u out of the way and tut. Once by the wall look up for signs to tell u where to go.

On escalators standd on the right. If you are on the left then walk up. Walk off without stopping - again walk to a wall if u want to get your bearings and look up for signs.

If you are on the pavement and you hear ambulance or police sirens then move away from the kerbside.

There's lots of one way roads. Whenat a crossing look down first cos they will tell you which way traffic is coming from. Drivers are fast in London and shoot out of nowhere.

I was there for 13 years never once mugged etc. It's an amazing place. Budget for taxis if u feel nervous but think of a few places you want to see and go do it. Take a book/kindle and even if you quake walk in a restaurant for food. Noone will bat an eyelid. Take lovely bubble bath to relax after a long day. Travel in flat shoes and change on arrival.

Don't forget to tip in restaurants and to say "round it up to x" when you ask your taxi driver for a receipt butbefore you pay.

Constantly look up and gawp at the buildings - it's amazing. Throw yourself at it. Business trips "abroad" are scary so ignore all the critics on here.

Have a wonderful time.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/02/2014 18:53

You will be arriving in London at a relatively quiet time compared to rush hour so it probably won't be as madly busy as you might expect.

Another London dweller here who is happy to offer advice on navigating the transport system once you know the venue. It will be easier than you think.

People in London can seem like they are all rushing somewhere self importantly but people are helpful. And yes, we do all wander around looking vaguely lost when we don't know an area.

YellowTulips · 12/02/2014 18:55

OP you asked if your partner was unreasonable in not taking you (an adult) to London.

The answer to that question is blindingly obvious.

If you had asked to get info on navigating London as a first timer you would have got a different response.

Suggest that rather than lash out think about what you are trying to get support/advice/views about before you post.

Some posts - including mine - have been harsh but hopefully they have steeled you to realise you need to "woman up" on this issue and move on from what came across as a very (if I am honest) childish response to this issue.

You have had plenty of offers of help on this thread to plan your journey. Use them. Good luck in London.

Bassetfeet · 12/02/2014 18:55

picaK your advice and supportive mail is excellent . So comforting and wise .

Quinteszilla · 12/02/2014 19:03

You can do this.

I visited London for the first time when I was 19. Stayed in a hostel for 3 weeks and absolutely loved it.

I moved here when I was 21, your age. I moved with a suitcase, with nowhere to live lined up, and the address of a hostel in my pocket.
We did not have internet back then, nor mobile phones! I had an A to Z street map and a tube map, to navigate from. I bought the Loot Newspaper to look for advertisements for flats and flat shares.

At 21 you should be ready to take on the world! Not be in a flip because your boyfriend cant accompany you to a training course with your work place!

Quinteszilla · 12/02/2014 19:03

Oh, and I moved from a tiny town beyond the arctic circle, and spoke rudimentary "school English".

Bazoo23 · 12/02/2014 19:04

Yellow Tulips I think you were childish to be honest. I have had some lovely responses so wont dwell on ones like yours.

OP posts:
Bazoo23 · 12/02/2014 19:08

wottatheodds I work for the NHS in a medical role so long long shifts are part of the job. No overtime that Im aware of!

OP posts: