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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU...DP and London

221 replies

Bazoo23 · 12/02/2014 15:16

I have recently started a new job and as part of this job I have to attend a training day in London.
We live about 5 hours from London. My employer will pay my train fare and I just assumed my partner would come with me.
However when I got the date through it falls week after we are away for a week.
My DP said hed be pushing his luck to ask for a day off so soon and wont even try.
AIBU to feel hurt that he doesnt seem worried about me goig alone? We are from a very small town and I am really nervous of being alone im a big city. Im also worried about travelling back in the evening.
I feel like it will be so obvious I have no clue what Im doing that I will be an easy target :-(

OP posts:
Slebmum · 12/02/2014 15:37

Did you want him to take a day's leave to go with you?!

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2014 15:38

Worra Ive been all over the world including Argentina , Canada Australia etc etc.
just never alone.And London just seems really really daunting I dont know why.

All the more reason to come here then.

I'm sure you'll fall in love with the place, there's so much to do Grin

gobbynorthernbird · 12/02/2014 15:38

I think OP has plenty attitude to survive in a big city.

eurochick · 12/02/2014 15:38

You're going to do 10 hrs of travel and a course in a day? Confused

HandMini · 12/02/2014 15:39

OP, I can guarantee your first trip to London will be a lot easier than (what I guess is) your first trip to AIBU?

You were BU, but it seems now you're going to leap on the train and come and enjoy the big city - so don't worry, as others have said, your fears are needless, and you will probably enjoy it.

Original poster
Bazoo23 · 12/02/2014 15:40

Leave at 6am, course 1.30 till 5, train back 6.30.

OP posts:
TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 12/02/2014 15:41

People are being quite nasty. I remember being 21 and naive and I would definitely have been nervous if I'd been travelling to London on my own for the first time.

OP, I totally get you're nervous, but honestly, you're being unreasonable to expect or want your DP to go with you. It's a work trip for you, not him, he'd be bored stiff waiting around London for you. Could you possibly see if anyone else is getting the train too and pair up with them? Or get a lift with someone from the same area and offer to pay petrol or for a hotel for the night?

It would be a good way to meet new colleagues and it would mean you're not on your own. If it's not possible, you can still manage this on your own. You need to look on the TFL website and plan your route - from station to station, and make sure you look up alternative tube routes incase there's a problem somewhere.

I think it would be easier if you could get the train down and either stay beforehand or afterwards so you don't have to do all that travelling in one day. It might make you less stressed if you just have to get the tube and not have to worry about train delays causing you problems.

Good luck!

NatashaBee · 12/02/2014 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovecat · 12/02/2014 15:43

London Underground staff are actually really helpful if you're polite, and the tube map is laid out in such a way that it's very hard to get lost. I find if you ask a member of staff which way to go when you get off at your destination station (there's usually someone in the ticket hall who can give you some advice) they'll be happy to point you in the right direction. London is Tourist Central, they're used to it!

I used to come down here as a 16 year old to see exhibitions and it was a huge adventure - my dad used to give me & my mate the lecture about keeping our handbags in front of us with an arm across them - but then he used to give us that lecture when we were going into our (small) local shopping centre! I do recall getting lost at the Elephant and Castle (thinking back, Christ knows what we were doing there, I think we were following the map for the change from Northern to Bakerloo and didn't realise we could have walked from Oxford Circus to Tottenham Court Road without all that faff!).

As long as you're polite and you smile, most people are happy to give directions and help you out - that's always been my experience. Now I live here and to me it's second nature, but I remember it was daunting the first few times - especially if your journey coincides with rush hour - but people are generally nice and helpful.

Five hours is one heck of a journey, though, OP. Is that by car or by train?

Mintyy · 12/02/2014 15:43

Really unnecessarily sarcastic and unpleasant replies on this thread from some of you! God I'm ashamed to be a Mumsnetter sometimes. I would have replied far more strongly to YellowTulips (wtf is wrong with you?) - op was restrained.

Op, we get lots of threads on here asking for travel advice and directions to London. Fire away, someone will know a good route.

Turniphead1 · 12/02/2014 15:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Bazoo23 · 12/02/2014 15:46

Chippednailvarnish - why the abuse? I havent said anything offensive to you.

OP posts:
Turniphead1 · 12/02/2014 15:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MimiSunshine · 12/02/2014 15:48

I was a bit Shock when i first read this, but if you have never had the experience of a city then London must seem hellish.
i remember one of my friends being totally shocked that i used to get the train to uni as "she just couldn't imagine going all that way and changing trains" on her own (it was a 2 hour journey), she was just very sheltered.

I presume your tickets will be booked for you and you are comfortable getting a train alone. Once in London , the easiest thing will be to jump in a taxi (walk out of any exit and they'll be cabs) but it could be expensive.
The tube isnt as daunting as it looks, download a map, find the nearest tube to the venue (the venue website will tell you where it is) and look for the tube route which connects where you'll arrive to where you need to go.
Print off a map with walking directions from the tube to the venue and then feel proud of yourself that you got there alone. And ask people for help / guidance if you're really stuck, Londoners may rush around at a million miles an hour but they will help if asked.

DreamingofSummer · 12/02/2014 15:48

Mintyy if the OP had asked for travel advice in London, she'd have been fine. It was her complaining that her DP wouldn't ask for a day off work to hold her hand that got me and others all Shock

Chippednailvarnish · 12/02/2014 15:50

Abuse?!? I'm not the one telling people to fuck off.

Pendeen · 12/02/2014 15:52

I wholeheartedly agree Mintyy.

I was just going to write to Bazoo33 to offer my support as I would feel the same about going to London - or any other huge city but having read some of the comments posted on here I certainly wouldn't write an AIBU about my fears...

I was born in, lived nearly all of my life in, and still live in an isolated village in the west of the UK Cornwall so cities are not something I would ever cope with, no matter how sarcastic the comments!

Anniegoestotown · 12/02/2014 15:53

Dd goes to school in central London and has been doing the journey on her own since she was 10. London is just like a big village just with more people, more shops and more cars, lorries and buses.

Just don't wear a bumbag and pacamac and you'll be fine.

Confitdecanard · 12/02/2014 15:53

You will be absolutely fine. Think of it as an adventure. Plan your journey in advance to give you peace of mind. It's not as big and scary as it sounds - and you'll be really pleased with yourself once you've done it. Good luck and have fun. Hope the course isn't too boring.

Original poster
Bazoo23 · 12/02/2014 15:54

Mock outrage chippednailvarnish. I said fuck you not fuck off. Your post was just playground nasty. And contained none of the wit or useful advice MN is known for. Ill ask for travel advice elsewhere.
Thanks for everyones thoughts, fully prepared to accept IABU, not prepared to accept needless nastiness.

OP posts:
GinOnTwoWheels · 12/02/2014 15:56

OP, you'll be fine, honestly. As you're travelling out of rush hour, especially on the way there, it'll be quiet on the tube, which will be clearly sign posted when you arrive at the train station.

Use the TFL website to work out which tube lines you need and then print a map from the station to the venue (don't rely on your phone as it will have been out of range while you were on the underground and might take a minute or two to sort itself out when you get back to street level).

There's lots of people around at all times and many of them are not familiar to the area.

It won't be as bad as the time I went to Madrid on my own and arrived at their Metro station at the same time as all the football supporters for the Real Madrid game - my hotel was virtually next to the stadium so I had to travel on the Madrid metro with a massive suitcase on trains packed with football supporters - but even then, it wasn't that bad and I was absolutely fine Smile.

On the way back, there is bound to be an M+S food at your station, so treat yourself to a little tipple and some nice nibbles for the way back home and don't miss your stop as you're bound to fall asleep after such a long day.

elportodelgato · 12/02/2014 15:56

To be fair to chipped, OP, you didn't ask for travel advice, you asked if you were being unreasonable to expect your DH to take a day off to accompany you to London. I think the consensus is that YABU

QuietlyWingingIt · 12/02/2014 15:57

When I first started going to London for work I just pretended that I was a lot more confident than I actually felt.
I very confidently got on the wrong tube, very confidently got off again at the next station...
Eventually I felt as confident as I looked.
Just don't panic - it'll be fine!

squoosh · 12/02/2014 15:58

Yes, you weren't actually asking for travel advice. You were feeling hurt that your partner wasn't taking the day off to accompany you.

Chippednailvarnish · 12/02/2014 15:58

Awww diddums.

If you had posted that you were concerned about your first time in a big city, I would have understood.

But assuming you are a grown woman, who is moaning that their partner won't take a day off to do 10 hours on a train and then wait around for you, has made you sound needy and demanding.

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