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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to pay for night at a hotel

158 replies

jugofwildflowers · 07/02/2014 19:17

My youngest dd aged 12 asked me if I could take her and 2 friends to stay at a 4 * hotel somewhere as they had not stayed at one before, paying for it themselves, as a treat.

I will be driving them there and back, looking after them etc. I was asked to go rather than the other mums as am thought to be a fun mum. However, I am busy, work w/es but I was honoured to be asked.

Would you say the cost should be split fourways? Or AIBU to have wanted the cost split three ways (excluding me as driver/'baby'sitter) for the room?!

OP posts:
paxtecum · 07/02/2014 19:28

YANBU.

Threeways split.

Will you all fit in one room?

prettybutclumpy · 07/02/2014 19:33

I would feel flattered too, and pay my share - they're only 12!

Creamycoolerwithcream · 07/02/2014 19:38

I think I'd go four ways as the girls are so young.

Original poster
jugofwildflowers · 07/02/2014 19:39

Yes I got a room where we will all fit. Thank you pax, I am feeling miffed that the mum of one of the girls divided everything by 4 including diesel, nothing for parking, she just said you'll need headphones (from all the excitable screeching) and good luck, you'll need it!

Why couldn't I have stood up for myself. Mind you, she did take my dd on a family trip where dd just took £20 spending money, but I feel this is different as I would not be otherwise going and it is not as if I want to go and so inviting them iyswim.

I don't feel the 'fun mum' anymore and I am thinking of all the things I could be doing this w/e all because of this, it really has disgruntled me!!

Was I so out of order to think it should be split 3 ways (as I am simply the 'enabler'??)

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 07/02/2014 19:42

Is it only me that thinks it is completely insane that 12 year olds aspire to stay in fancy hotels as a treat Shock

Creamycoolerwithcream · 07/02/2014 19:44

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to split the money. I don't blame you for feeling peeved about losing your weekend. Could you sneak of to the pool/sauna if there is one?

HopeS01 · 07/02/2014 19:50

I probably wouldn't expect to pay, but I wouldn't expect the 12 YOs to pay either. The other mums should split your share.

I second bear, strange 'treat' for 12 year olds.

Joysmum · 07/02/2014 19:50

I like doing things for my daughter. I like her getting brownie points with her friends so I'd see it as being for her primarily so wouldn't be thinking about the other kids of mums on this.

Original poster
jugofwildflowers · 07/02/2014 19:51

Bear, if it hadn't happened to me and my own dd hadn't asked I would be of the same opinion, as my other dds have never aspired to do this!

They are very sporty and wanted unlimited access to the pool, it is a Novotel so good facilities and fab buffet breakfast and one of the girls had never stayed at a hotel before.

OP posts:
QOD · 07/02/2014 19:52

3 ways for sure

phantomnamechanger · 07/02/2014 19:53

very odd treat for 12 yo IMO too, and I have one! she wants to go bowling, and have a sleepover on our 4* floor, which seems more normal.

how much is it costing them?

Purplepoodle · 07/02/2014 19:54

I would have split the money 3 ways but if daughter went in holiday with one of the friends then isn't this returning the favour?

MelanieRavenswood · 07/02/2014 20:06

I would say four ways - if you were taking them to the cinema, a concert, out for dinner - you would pay your own way. Same here. You could have said no, after all.

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/02/2014 20:13

I took 4 of them off for 5 days alone when they were that age. Needed a holiday and DH had to work . 2 boys, 2 girls, I paid and we had a ball Smile

WilsonFrickett · 07/02/2014 20:18

I think it depends if the DCs really are paying for themselves, ie out of their own saved up money, or if the other parents are paying. If its the DCs I'd go four ways to save them a little bit of cash, if it's the parents 3 ways because it's hardly a treat for you.

I think it's a cool treat! They'll feel so grown up.

You will of course be spending the evening in the bar with Wine though, and not in the room?

PandaNot · 07/02/2014 20:24

I don't think it's an odd treat. My ds9 loves staying in hotels and would choose it as a birthday treat if he was given the option. I'd expect it to be split 3 ways, you're only going as 'babysitter'.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/02/2014 20:35

I wouldn't expect the girls to pay. I'm amazed a 12 year old can afford this, but it sounds a nice way to spend saved-up money rather than buying stuff!

Hopefully what goes around comes around and the other parents will end up shelling out for other things.

Hope you have a lovely night, and I'm sure your daughter is very proud she has a fun mum!

Original poster
jugofwildflowers · 07/02/2014 21:31

Thank you for all your responses Thanks

I was sufficiently emboldened by you all to ring the mum in question, she was not in and so spoke to her dh instead. I told him how I felt and we agreed it was a communication issue.

Anyway, as he said, the girls are growing fast and be off our hands before we know it so this will be a delightful experience/memory for them.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 07/02/2014 21:38

My friends and I don't buy each other presents, we use our cash to buy 'time' with each other. I really like the idea that this generation is keeping on our tradition Smile

DCexpat · 08/02/2014 00:05

Is a Novotel a 4 star hotel?

Mellowandfruitful · 08/02/2014 00:11

Blimey, while I wouldn't have necessarily thought of this as a thing 12yos would want to do, I think it's quite refreshing. It could have been wanting to get a makeover Hmm or go out for cocktails. Sounds rather nice actually and even if it's a pain to lose the weekend, I bet it will be nice to look back on.

BackforGood · 08/02/2014 00:11

I'm just wondering how much pocket money they must be on, if treating themselves to a night in a hotel is not only within their means, but even crossing their minds at all Shock

I have a 12 yr old (and have previously had 2 others) and it just wouldn't cross their minds to even think of such an odd treat.

mumblechum1 · 08/02/2014 00:15

DC expat, that was my first thought!

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2014 00:16

Same here BackforGood

I just can't get my head around it Lol

JohnCusacksWife · 08/02/2014 00:41

To be honest think your mad to indulge a bunch of 12 yr olds to this extent. 4 star hotels (Novotel??) can wait til they can go themselves!