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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to pay for night at a hotel

158 replies

jugofwildflowers · 07/02/2014 19:17

My youngest dd aged 12 asked me if I could take her and 2 friends to stay at a 4 * hotel somewhere as they had not stayed at one before, paying for it themselves, as a treat.

I will be driving them there and back, looking after them etc. I was asked to go rather than the other mums as am thought to be a fun mum. However, I am busy, work w/es but I was honoured to be asked.

Would you say the cost should be split fourways? Or AIBU to have wanted the cost split three ways (excluding me as driver/'baby'sitter) for the room?!

OP posts:
JodieGarberJacob · 09/02/2014 08:08

Wish people would fuck off with the Novotel 'hardly luxurious' comments. You sound right dicks. Read the op.

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 09/02/2014 08:42

Star ratings are to do with facilities not necessarily luxuries (some beautiful boutique hotels are limited to 3* for this reason). The dd and friends want a night away with a pool; novotel fits the bill for a reasonable price.

I say what a lovely idea. Especially as they're sensible enough to fund it themselves. I still have fond memories from a school trip away at 11. I've always valued 'doing things' my brother has always valued 'having things' - I've now got a shelf of photo albums and he has a big tv. We're both happy with that. At least the girls will always have memories from this.

On the original question, I'd say split 3 ways. They need a parent and to those saying the op is getting a night away, it's sharing a room with 3 12yr olds, not a spa weekend! She's going to be very much 'on duty' so unless this trip is being led by her own dd, don't think it unreasonable for her costs to be subbed.

Roussette · 09/02/2014 09:19

Wonderful idea for the 3 12yrolds but sounds like total hell for the OP who is staying with them! They might not get to sleep till god knows what time and if it were me, I would want paying a lot to do this, let alone split the bill three ways. Love it that you feel honoured to be asked to do this.. I wouldn't ! but just ignore me, I'm tired and grumpy this morning

SirChenjin · 09/02/2014 09:37

That's why the rest of us choose to be the non-fun Mum - gets us out of doing things like this Grin

Sunbeam18 · 09/02/2014 14:06

Jodie, totally agree. What nasty motivation causes people to say 'the hotel you are choosing is not luxurious'? Horrible.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/02/2014 14:22

My 5 year old loves a hotel, he would think it was a great idea Grin

I can see why you don't want to go though OP, you will get bugger all sleep and they'll hog the bathroom. The smell of cheap 'body spray' will probably render you immobile!

Personally I think the other parents should be picking up your part of the tab seeing as you are the one sacrificing your weekend to take them.

Caitlin17 · 09/02/2014 16:05

Sunbeam and Jodie I completely agree . It's patronising and snobbish. Bad enough to do that to an adult, but no need to rain on the parade of 3 12 year olds spending their own money.

I've stayed in hotels ranging from a Parisian flea pit where you couldn't use a hairdryer without blowing all fuses, a hotel in communist Albania which turned the electricty off during the night, a hotel in Moscow with all manner of interesting clientele,countless anonymous but comfortable Hilton/Park Plaza style chains, a 5 star, Michelin star holding chateau in Normandy, The Ritz in London , city break boutique hotels and country house hotels too numerous to mention. I loved them all (apart from an extremely dodgy one near Euston which actually scared me and I fled from after 2 hours)

I can't recall if I've stayed in a Novotel. From the look of the website for the Edinburgh city centre one it'll be similar to the Hilton business class chains, but slightly down from say the Park Plaza chains. The bathrooms will be stocked with little bottles of stuff which I as a 50 plus woman still like; the beds will be comfortable with good quality crisp linen, the pool, gym and public areas will be swisher than the rooms. The staff will be helpful and as long as the girls are polite and well behaved will treat them as proper, grown up guests, which will also be fun.

Sparklysilversequins · 09/02/2014 16:13

Some of the attitudes on here have really made me laugh so thanks for that. Novotel - fancy? Grin 12 year olds growing up to0 fast, "what next, Paris at 14?" - maybe, so what? Confused

Reminds me of my Mum, but she is in her sixties and was brought up in the late war years and remembers rationing that continued after the war......

My dc love hotels and I am requested to ensure there will be swimming facilities if I tell them we will be staying in one. I think it sounds lovely. You shouldn't be quibbling about your share though OP, how tacky.

Floggingmolly · 09/02/2014 16:23

That's completely bizarre Hmm. Why can't she just host a sleepover like all other 12 year old's?

It's called having experiences and living life. Sure it is...

Sparklysilversequins · 09/02/2014 16:26

Well what do you think it is then Floggingmolly? If not "having experiences and living life"?

Caitlin17 · 09/02/2014 16:33

MollyI'm surprised at your comment given you completely got the point of wanting to wear a party dress even if it's not a party on the other thread.

Hotels are fun, least ways they are to me. My 23 year old son and I for various reasons will be in hotels together quite regularly and we both really enjoy them, including checking who was allocated the nicer room (should be me as I'm paying).

eddielizzard · 09/02/2014 16:44

is the mum you've asked to contribute towards your share the same mum who took your dd on holiday?

if not, fair enough.

if yes, bloody hell i think you're tight.

Floggingmolly · 09/02/2014 16:57

I suppose I view staying in a hotel as a by product of having a holiday abroad; not the main event in itself, as it were.
Just can't get excited about sleeping in a strange bed in an anonymous room without the outside environment being hugely different too...
I sort of take the point of having the use of the pool, but any decent leisure centre will have far superior facilities?? Anyway, people are different, I shouldn't have been snarky, sorry.

frugalfuzzpig · 09/02/2014 17:39

I wouldn't say a leisure centre pool would necessarily better - for a start it will be far more crowded than a hotel pool I'd have thought.

frugalfuzzpig · 09/02/2014 17:42

I might take DD to Paris this year, she's 6 (will be 7 by summer) :o she wants to go up the Eiffel Tower this may partly be due to Ratatouille and see the Picasso museum. I'd like to go to Amsterdam (she loves Van Gogh) as well.

Original poster
jugofwildflowers · 09/02/2014 17:48

I am back. What an experience.

I was given an adjoining link room by the hotel manager for free, so ended up having a peaceful night!

They also allowed us to pick our own check out time which meant another full day at the pool.

They were polite and well behaved and tbh my dc are and so are their friends so it never occurred to me that would ever have been an issue.

They didn't watch a movie as they were just having fun in each other's company.

Apparently my dd had made out to the other parents that it was my treat so of course asking them to contribute anything at all would have been wrong!

Anyway, we have sorted that one out now and the other parent said 'that's what you get when an 11 year old organises a holiday'! Fair enough, in fact that was a minor quibble in the scheme of things. They all had an amazing time and we would do it again.

OP posts:
frugalfuzzpig · 09/02/2014 17:52

I really like staying in a hotel too. We don't very often. Most years we haven't even been away properly so even just a night in a premier inn is a bit special TBH no matter how lame that sounds Blush - I took DD to a wedding (DH couldn't travel so stayed home with DS) and we stayed at one, she absolutely loved it. It's just nice to be somewhere different in a cosy bed and a better shower than the piddly one we have in our crappy rental home :o

So I can totally see why it'd be exciting to a 12yo who had never stayed in one :) I haven't worked out from the OP how far away the hotel is from where they live but it will still be fun I expect.

Come to think of it, when I went to Paris with two college friends (we were originally going to a gig, but they cancelled due to the riots) it was the first time one had stayed in a hotel, that was really exciting for her.

frugalfuzzpig · 09/02/2014 17:54

Ah that's great OP. Glad they had fun and how brilliant for you to get your own room! (Do you think the manager is a mumsnetter...? :o)

A firm chat to your DD about th

frugalfuzzpig · 09/02/2014 17:55

Oops

... About fibbing is in order though I think! I don't think it's that unfair for you to have paid for yourself but she should have been a bit clearer to the other parents.

Glad it went well :)

Caitlin17 · 09/02/2014 18:04

OP, glad it went well and well done the hotel too.

foreverondiet · 09/02/2014 18:22

How about they pay you £10 an hour as the enabler!!! Complete cheek to ask you to pay share, I would simply refuse to go...

Whity74 · 09/02/2014 19:20

I agree. It is totally crackers that a 12 year old would know to ask for that. Very very very odd to me. Children arent really children anymore : (

Anyhow, I'd probably just pay myself this time and let someone else next time. But it depends on your situation & finances I suppose.

Sparklysilversequins · 09/02/2014 19:41

Any child that's been on a holiday is going to know about hotels.

"very, very, very odd".

Really? Hmm

Creamycoolerwithcream · 09/02/2014 19:52

OP did the child who had never stayed in a hotel enjoy the experience. What were the girl's best bits?

WilsonFrickett · 09/02/2014 19:56

I love that the manager gave you another room OP. Smile and that you and the girls had a good time.