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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to pay for night at a hotel

158 replies

jugofwildflowers · 07/02/2014 19:17

My youngest dd aged 12 asked me if I could take her and 2 friends to stay at a 4 * hotel somewhere as they had not stayed at one before, paying for it themselves, as a treat.

I will be driving them there and back, looking after them etc. I was asked to go rather than the other mums as am thought to be a fun mum. However, I am busy, work w/es but I was honoured to be asked.

Would you say the cost should be split fourways? Or AIBU to have wanted the cost split three ways (excluding me as driver/'baby'sitter) for the room?!

OP posts:
JohnCusacksWife · 08/02/2014 00:42

you're

holidaysarenice · 08/02/2014 00:51

Someone took your kid on holiday for 20quid and you've just rang them to say you want the money for the difference between 1/4 and 1/3 of a room?

Rrrrreeeeeaaaalllly???

ladymariner · 08/02/2014 01:05

Someone took your kid on holiday for 20quid and you've just rang them to say you want the money for the difference between 1/4 and 1/3 of a room?

Rrrrreeeeeaaaalllly???

^ this

Original poster
jugofwildflowers · 08/02/2014 02:12

My dc get an allowance of £5 per month from age 7 rising by £5 per subsequent birthday which means dd age 12 gets £30 per month .

They get this for 'being kind and helpful' which basically means keeping their rooms clean and tidy, making their bed, doing daily household tasks such as emptying washing machine, hanging up or putting way clothes, wiping down surfaces or vacuuming etc.

They get £1 deducted per day for not keeping their room tidy and £5 knocked off for rudeness or for having any form of electronic device in their room after 8pm.

We find this system works well for us. How they spend this money is up to them. This is the first time one has asked to go on a trip.

Yes the mum is thinking like you Lady. Which is why I am on here. This was not 'my treat' to the girls, my 'treat' as I see it is simply enabling them to go by giving up my w/e to drive them there and back, stay with them and accompany them on whatever their plans might be for the duration, keeping a backseat and going to the lobby or whatever while they have 'girly time' together.

I can see though it was ripe for miscommunication and I may now be viewed as a miserly old bat, but that is why I came on here, to get all opinions.

OP posts:
TheGervasuttiPillar · 08/02/2014 02:18

The trip seems rather indulgent and Pavlovian (are you trying to create deliberately consumerist young people?)

I have not driven a Ferrari, please let me drive one.

AnandaTimeIn · 08/02/2014 02:22

I also think it is OTT for 12 year olds to be going for a 4* hotel experience.

What next? Paris at 14?

hellokittymania · 08/02/2014 02:24

My 5yo niece wanted a pedicure for her birthday... Some girls and boys like hotels and other treats that you might wonder about. :)

Go with 4 ways though.

hellokittymania · 08/02/2014 02:34

Not sure how much novotel costs per night in the UK, but iphones etc can't be much different in price can they?

I don't see what the problem (or the difference) is between an iphone to play silly games with and a night at a nice hotel.

Original poster
jugofwildflowers · 08/02/2014 02:58

one family room £125 inc breakfast. Yes, I read new experiences were far better than material goods for dc.

They intend to spend time in the pool as they are, as I said, v sporty. They are all in various athletic/swim clubs so wanted a decent pool to keep up their training combined with a bit of an adventure.

OP posts:
Creamycoolerwithcream · 08/02/2014 08:36

I think it's a cool thing to do and I'm actually quite impressed with the girls thinking of it. I know you are getting roped in OP but it will be a nice experience and memory for the girls. The other mum taking over the money decision and automatically splitting it four ways would have pissed me of. On the other hand you got a good deal on the weeks holiday for 20 spending money. The other family must have spent quite a bit on your daughter. I hope you get the money side sorted. Good on the girls for saving their money and mainly paying for it themselves. I think that's a good attitude for life, save for treats and rewards.

Lagoonablue · 08/02/2014 08:41

I wouldn't let DD do this. Waste of money. Why do they want to? At 12? Wouldn't pander to it.

Is it for a birthday even? I hate all this stuff. In the same vein as pamper parties and limos for Tweens.

vestandknickers · 08/02/2014 08:45

What a waste of money. If they're sport take them to a leisure centre! Hotels are for adults - not for teenage sleepovers.

clam · 08/02/2014 09:00

Have to confess that I thought Novotels were a bit like Premier Inns. But, to be fair, I've never stayed in one.

I'm wondering if you're not setting yourself up for trouble later on, as they get older and expect 4* treatment (and beyond) wherever they go.

Sunbeam18 · 08/02/2014 09:15

I think this is a good treat for 12-year-old girls. I can't believe you would expect them to pay for you out of their pocket money when you are the adult and parent. Are you serious?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/02/2014 09:21

I would say split it four ways and if they have saved up for this themselves why not. People seem to pay astonishing prices for their DCs' Ugg boots or concert tickets without batting an eyelid, each to their own etc etc so a night away under supervision at a Novotel doesn't sound like outrageous hedonism.

whois · 08/02/2014 09:28

I think it sounds like a fun thing to do (pool, big bed, TV in room, massive buffet breakfast with all the bacon you can eat) and not exactly much more expensive than a post Christmas money shopping trip.

They will remember this for a long time, and it's good that they have had the wherewithal to plan and book it.

To be fair OP, the girls should be paying for you as you're the enabler. But they are only 12 so see your £60ish as a donation to their continued friendship. The other family are maybe more generous than you (the holiday) so didn't think there would be a problem for you paying.

Treat yourself to a bottle of wine and a good book and sit in a comfrey chair in the bar.

TeamWill · 08/02/2014 09:37

Am a bit baffled as to why you didn't say no if you didn't want to do Confused

thinking101 · 08/02/2014 09:48

I think it is good to exeprience different things.

I would see this as ONE experience from a wider range. I think it is a fine thing to do - and that the girl see it as a treat and not something that is run of the mill or boring.

I have booked afternoon tea for DH, DD(2) DS(8) and myself at the Hilton on Park Lane - it's got fancy chocolate things and is in there brasserie type not fine dining. I am quite happy to do nice things like this. Next week we maybe in Greggs wipping flaky puff pastry off our chins.

thinking101 · 08/02/2014 09:50

Sorry - so OP I would just pay bt carve a little pleasure out for yourslef while there! Grin

SirChenjin · 08/02/2014 09:57

I'm a bit surprised that 12 year olds would even think of doing this, let alone have the money for a 4 star hotel (I've had 2 12 year olds - it wouldn't have even featured on their radar, or that of their friends!)

Oh well....back to the topic of the thread. One on hand, it should be 3 ways as you are doing the driving and spending the night with 3 12 year olds . Otoh, you did agree to it and you're getting a night in a hotel, so I can see why it might be 4 ways....

unhelpful

HermioneWeasley · 08/02/2014 10:04

Agree it's not something I would expect 12 year olds to want to do, but if they do and you're willing to go with them then I wouldn't quibble over the difference between 1/3 and 1/4 of the room cost.

Are Novotel 4*?

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 08/02/2014 10:10

My 11 year old would also really enjoy this. But I can't imagine her or her friends coming up with the idea.

A 3 way split is fair. You are giving up your time to enable it.

AlistairSim · 08/02/2014 10:21

My 6 year old DS would LOVE to do this!

mrsjay · 08/02/2014 10:24

Is it only me that thinks it is completely insane that 12 year olds aspire to stay in fancy hotels as a treat

nope Confused I dont understand why they want to go and anybody would take them I see the point if they are going somewhere but to just go and stay the night dont get it sorry,

Quinteszilla · 08/02/2014 10:29

If they are sporty, take them out on a long country walk, before you head to the pool.

It is a fun experience for kids. We always stay in 4star hotels with pools and spa facilities when we go away for hiking trips. It sounds insane, but I love coming back after a day traipsing in mud, to enjoy a pool, steam room, sauna, and the gym. It is great.

We usually manage to find good deals on business hotels, last minute. We paid £59 b&b for a family of 4, per night in Marriot Swindon. People think I am mad to go on weekend trips to Swindon, but they just dont realize that there is fabulous country side with great walks some 20 minutes drive away. Perfect for us.

But just a stay for the sake of it? No way.