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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to pay for night at a hotel

158 replies

jugofwildflowers · 07/02/2014 19:17

My youngest dd aged 12 asked me if I could take her and 2 friends to stay at a 4 * hotel somewhere as they had not stayed at one before, paying for it themselves, as a treat.

I will be driving them there and back, looking after them etc. I was asked to go rather than the other mums as am thought to be a fun mum. However, I am busy, work w/es but I was honoured to be asked.

Would you say the cost should be split fourways? Or AIBU to have wanted the cost split three ways (excluding me as driver/'baby'sitter) for the room?!

OP posts:
BingoWingsBeGone · 08/02/2014 13:03

We normally go camping or stay with friends for holidays so my DC (7,5) rarely stay in one. We went before Xmas for a work do of mine and they LOVED it. All the little toiletries bottles, buffet breakfast ('Wow - Mummy - it has biscuits on it!!!!! Shock') and swimming. This one had 'go-ape' type rope course in the woods.

They are pestering us to go back because it was an adventure for them.

I cannot see what is wrong with 12 year olds wanting to do this as something different. They can watch a film in the room (like a private cinema screen), go swimming & use other facilities, explore the grounds, eat tea in the restaurant or room service (would prob go to Pizza Hut or likewise for birthday treat anyway), get dressed up for their dinner. It will be a memory for them, especially if they are paying for themselves.

I really don't understand the outrage on this thread tbh

OP - I hope you all have a lovely time Smile

Viviennemary · 08/02/2014 13:10

Forget it I'd say. If you don't want to do it then don't. It's a difficult one about the money. I'd just opt out of the whole thing and let one of the other parents do it if they are so keen on the idea. And think what a great experience it is for their children as long as they're not the ones put out.

VelvetSpoon · 08/02/2014 13:11

Fucking hell there are some weird attitudes on this thread!

I really cannot abide all this 'x isn't a suitable thing for children to do, it's only for adults' because frankly that's bullshit. All reminds me a bit of my schoolfriend's mum who used to eat fillet steak with her DP, while the kids got eggy bread because 'they wouldn't appreciate steak' they never got the chance Hmm

I think it's nice for children to have an appreciation for 'good' things - I was taken to hotels and 5* restaurants from a v young age. I had friends to my house when I was about 12 for afternoon tea type things; I'm sure if my friends had been able to afford it, we would had afternoon tea 'out', but most of us didn't get pocket money!

My friends DD is 14, on the last day of term at Xmas she and her friends took themselves off to a nice local restaurant for a meal - my friend said rather that than hanging round the shopping centre/ in mcdonalds/ the park like many of her classmates!

Back to the original question - I think given the sums involved I wouldn't mind splitting 4 ways. But I love hotels so would be happy to go away to one for the night!

SirChenjin · 08/02/2014 13:27

Not weird - different.

clairemum22 · 08/02/2014 13:52

Why brand them as precocious little madams just because they are twelve. They will have paid for their stay like everybody else. Hope they have a lovely time!!

LessMissAbs · 08/02/2014 13:54

This is such a funny thread! It almost sounds as though the 12 yos are in charge. And you were "honoured" to be asked OP?!

I would say just leave it up to the 12 yos. They sound as if they will take charge of all the arrangements, if you do!

WilsonFrickett · 08/02/2014 13:57

There's also a lot of projection. Nothing in the OPs post suggests that the children are 'little madams' or anything like the sort.

I would have loved this when I was 12 - although there's no way I would have had the wherewithal to organise it. I hope they have a lovely time.

brokenhearted55a · 08/02/2014 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearbehind · 08/02/2014 14:17

I'm not saying children shouldn't go to hotels. Far from it, I have some great memories of family weekend breaks etc. I just think it is a very strange thing for a 12 year old to aspire to and be given the opportunity to do with a group of friends with the only adult merely there as a chaperone. I do think that is precocious and I can't really get my head around it.

Hulababy · 08/02/2014 15:08

But it's not really that hard to understand surely?

The girls get chatting as 12y do. Hotel stay comes up in conversation - maybe one of the mentions they've been to one in a recent trip with parents. Another says they've never stayed in one. They all then sit and plot a fun night away in a hotel and what they'd do, etc. this time one of them chanced asking a parent if they could - and parents said yes. It's not an overly expensive trip split 4 ways tbh.

Most pre teens are aspiring to be grown ups ime. They've hit puberty, they see those around them and - heck I can almost remember it myself - of course they are growing up and wanting to be older than try are at times. Ime it is in phases and can be a day to day change thing - one minute they're playing imaginary role play, next they're trying on make up and heel, next back to doing some crafty kit.

I think a hotel stay is pretty mild compared to what some 12yo trying to grow up might want to try.

theborg · 08/02/2014 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 08/02/2014 15:11

Also hate the way little girls growing up have to be 'little madams' or precocious. Why can't they just be nice girls having a fun time together.? Not all young girls are rude, impolite and not thoughtful of others. Infact ime most are lovely.

Caitlin17 · 08/02/2014 15:23

Four ways. It's not as if you won't get something out of it as well. Certainly I would.

I don't think it's a precious thing to do, especially if one of the girls hasn't stayed in a hotel before.

fascicle · 08/02/2014 16:01

If I take extra children somewhere I would pay any costs (so in this situation I'd pay for fuel and go with a four way split) but I think there aren't any rights or wrongs on cost splitting - do what you feel is appropriate for you/the group.

I think it's a great idea and can't imagine why people think it's odd.

frugalfuzzpig · 08/02/2014 16:02

Also hate the way little girls growing up have to be 'little madams' or precocious.

Quite. I have two 15yo DSDs who have never behaved remotely like that. They are beautifully behaved, friendly and down to earth girls who love hanging out with their equally lovely friends Confused

Incidentally their first stay in a hotel was at our wedding when they were ten, they had a fab time and enjoyed the treat of the posh bathroom and having their own kettle with little biscuits :o and the yummy breakfast of course. I don't think it turned them into wannabe adults or anything :o

frugalfuzzpig · 08/02/2014 16:03

I wonder if the reaction would've been different if OP hadn't mentioned the 4-star rating :o

clairemum22 · 08/02/2014 16:15

I also think people might be overestimating the luxury of a Novotel!

PrimalLass · 08/02/2014 16:30

I think a 4 star rating is often do do with having facilities rather than being 'posh'. So a pool contributes to that.

The Glasgow Novotel is 4 star and has no pool however, so I may be talking pish Grin

Caitlin17 · 08/02/2014 16:33

I think the Novotel in Edinburgh has a pool. It's more to do with facilities, gym, pool, business facilities, than posh.

It'll be comfortable rather than say The Ritz luxurious.

BrandNewIggi · 08/02/2014 18:12

There will be a thread on later from the other mum musing on who would send their dd on holiday with a friend's family and not offer to chip in more than £20.
£30 sounds like a massive amount of pocket money per month, suppose it depends what she is expected to buy with it.

differentnameforthis · 09/02/2014 05:11

Yes, op...get your dd to have a pedicure/manicure/nail painting session instead...let's keep the gender stereotypes alive, shall we? Hmm [sarcasm]

I don't see what is wrong with this. There is NOTHING to indicate that they will be 'precocious brats' 'thinking they own the hotel' 'little madams' 'spoilt or entitled' or any other negative thing that has been thrown around here. The fact that they are paying does not indicate they are spoilt & entitled at all (if they were, they'd be expecting their parents to pay), it tells me that instead of spending their money on toys/makeup/crap/magazines, they are planning an adventure & some time for themselves.

As for 'generally, they will spend their school days together, so they don't really need 'together time' Really? Friendships, like any relationship need building, they need time together to appreciate the other person/s, school is for learning so why shouldn't they spend time together outside of school? Are you saying that you don't allow your dc to see their friends out of school?

Are a group of grown up ladies (MN) really that threatened by girls not wanting to do the usual 'make over, cinema, girls day out, nail painting, pedicure' scenarios that they have to call a group of 12yrs olds 'precocious brats' & 'little madams'?

I think it is disgusting to talk about young girls this way! No wonder they have it so hard in this world, the very people who should be supporting their differences are calling them horrible names.

Oh & pjs at breakfast, what in the hell is wrong or "spoilt & entitled" about that! Perhaps it is just convenience. At least they are covered up.

differentnameforthis · 09/02/2014 05:13

I signed my daughter up to play football, because she has never done it before....

So shot me brokenhearted55a

It's called having experiences & living life.

thinking101 · 09/02/2014 07:15

Lot of jealousy on this thread.

OP its a nice experience for them

thinking101 · 09/02/2014 07:16

Novotel is not a luxury hotel

JeanSeberg · 09/02/2014 07:44

If they did a bit more research and picked the right time, they could get a great deal on a 5 hotel. I can understand that* would be something to 'aspire' to and a luxurious treat.

Novotel not so much.