OK why should the woman take the blokes surname?

[aquashiv]

Ver brief history I have a name, a professional one and don't want to loose it. All our children have my name due to the fact that I am the Mother and its a name that has meaning. Himself calls himself Mr Aquashiv and we joke and laugh but and here we are is it yet sociallly acceptable to take the womans name without being made to feel as if you are emancipating the man thing. I could just marry him and shut my mouth but well why should I? The marriage convo came up again tonight and I don't know I feel so bloody weird thinking I should take his name why should I???

I also like Mrs- I can't care if people think I am married or not! There seems to be the idea you are 'on the shelf' if not married and marriage is a superior position!
I am not, and am never going to be Ms.
If people want to keep their married name after divorce it is up to them.
I know someone who has married again and kept their their first husband's name- I can see why because it is a lovely name, quite poetic.

Tamer actually I think for most people it is done automatically. I've met so many women who think it's compulsory.

I suppose I fundamentally hate "Mrs" It's so mimsy and "oh look at me I'm married"

Oh for God's sake. That's just silly.

I like being married. Get over it! And I don't think anyone would describe me as 'mimsy'.

What happened to freedom of choice?

I couldn't think of a good enough reason to change my name so didn't. Bugs the hell out of me being referred to as Mrs dh first name...

You do what you want and everyone else's opinion be dawned. Do you think most men for one second think they are being mean to women by the woman taking his name? No. Most expect it so just don't think about it at all. So why should you? I understand the practical side of changing your name - but that is a joint decision.

Should add though that I have been thinking about changing my name after nearly 10 years of marriage to 'divorce' my father. .

Nanny og yeah and my freedom of choice that it sets my teeth on edge. I hate being called Mrs.

A friend of mine got married at 21, told me walking down the aisle she knew it was a mistake, they lived together for 3 months and divorced as soon as they could 2 years after they separated. No children. 30 plus years later he still insists she's "Mrs married to the mistake".

Sorry "she" still insists (I expect he'd prefer she didn't especially as he remarried)

Do people still write, "Mrs DH's First Name Surname?" Surely not.

Miss, Ms, Mrs - choose whichever one you like - or no honorific at all.

I hated my maiden name. It caused me much misery at school and if I hadn't married I'd have probably changed it by deed poll. And I choose to be Mrs 0gg, not Miss or Ms.

Can we please stop criticising others for what they choose?

I'm here sorry just catching up.
Yes it's all about the choice but clearly isn't that simple nanny.

Why not?

You're not forced to change at gunpoint.

I have taken my husband's name (and kept my own...so double barrelled). Oddly enough, I haven't lost my identity, or my personality. If you are worried about losing your identity when you get married, you have bigger problems than just a name change!

Should I ever marry, it's likely I'll change my name. If my husband's name is nicer than mine (highly likely) I'll change it to that. If it's not I'll be using my mother's maiden name. I'm not attached to my surname at all. I don't even really like it.
When XP and I named DD, we ended up using his surname. We chose her first and middle names, then said them together with my surname, and then with his.
His sounded better. The end.

I didn't take my DH's name. It is not the thing done in my culture (I'm Spanish) and he couldn't possibly care any less. Although I mildly regret it now every time I have to spell my two surnames to anyone!

I don't think people 'lose identity' in every sense.

But, purely objective, you are no longer identified as the same person, are you?

I know I see this from a historical perspective because that's what I do, but if you're looking at family history or any other kind, women who change their names are often no longer identifiable as the same person. You have to hope there's enough extra information to find out that Mrs Jane Smith is the same person as Miss Jane Jones (or it's even harder if it's Mrs John Smith and Miss Jane Jones).

That loss of identifiability (if that's a better word) makes it harder to trace women, and it means people end up not knowing what even quite recent relatives did, as well as losing track of women's histories in a wider context.

I know plenty of people would just shrug and not care, because it's not everyone's 'thing', but that's what I always think of in terms of identity. Not that you undergo some kind of symbolic change and become a different person!

I love the assumption that everyone can just double barrell. It isn't a realistic option for everyone. Had we done it we would be:

-*

try getting that lot on a credit card or even attempting to spell it over the phone. One of them is more than enough

And somehow some letters got lost in the first but during posting - there are more.

-*

That's it.

still getting lost.

Anything goes these days op, call yourself whatever you want.

I kept my name nearly 20 years ago now, the kids are double barrelled. I knew from a young age that I would never change my name when I grew up as even at that age I resented the expectation that because I was a girl I had to change it. It felt inherently wrong to me and thankfully dh is a feminist too.

I'm also a Ms and wouldn't have that any other way. I despise that women declare their marital status with their title (unless of course they want to) and would prefer to do away with this convention.

I have great fun playing with sales calls when they ask if Mrs dh name is in, you can the complete confusion in their voices lol. However, my pils still adress all cards to Mrs dh first name surname despite being told umpteen times and they also ignore the double barrell for the kids which pisses me off no end.

my in laws though address cards to

I don't know anyone who didn't realise that you could keep your name.

TamerI've come across plenty.
Been asked"ooh can you do that?

Was told once by someone she wouldn't be able to use her passport as it was "in the wrong name"

What I don't get is why some people can't simply accept the choice made by others without insulting then.

"What I don't get is why some people can't simply accept the choice made by others without insulting them"

Exactly

Whether or not you have come across it doesn't alter the fact that you shouldn't assume that people do it automatically. Maybe I just live among clued up people. Home Educators are always banging on that people don't realise that you don't have to send children to school, whereas I have never come across anyone who didn't know.
I can't see that it is an issue whether you keep yours, DH changes his, you change yours or you double barrel it. It is simply not anyone's business and not up for discussion.

I think it also depends on who you know. Of all the married couples I know only three of the woman kept their maiden name. So in my circle it is unusual. I'm not saying it is wrong at all, just unusual among the people I know personally that's all.