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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

337 replies

2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:09

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 04/02/2014 19:11

OMG! Can't believe he thought it was acceptable!!!!

meditrina · 04/02/2014 19:11

YANBU.

There are family changing rooms.

He needs to deal with the fight with his DD, not - as an adult man - to go into female changing rooms.

phantomnamechanger · 04/02/2014 19:12

what a weirdo! did you not report him, or was he just leaving anyway?

Ifcatshadthumbs · 04/02/2014 19:12

I think I would have reported him to a member of staff and told him to grow a pair and deal with the screaming fit.

Megrim · 04/02/2014 19:13

YANBU.

Your swimming pool should have an "adult males allowed only in the male changing room / adult females only allowed in the female changing room" policy.

As a swimming club administrator I have had to have an adult female hauled out of the male changing rooms (and have a stand up row with her about it).

ALittleStranger · 04/02/2014 19:13

YANBU, obviously.

missymayhemsmum · 04/02/2014 19:14

Poor bloke!
Total screaming tantrum from small daughter or be branded a peeping tom. What a choice!

SauvignonBlanche · 04/02/2014 19:15

YANBU, I hope you complained?

Original poster
2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:15

I know. Its just crazy.

To be honest, I didn't want to make his daughter uncomfortable, but if I see him in there again next week at the same time, I am going to tell him that I'll have to tell the staff if he keeps coming in. Its totally not on in my opinion.

OP posts:
HappyMamaBear · 04/02/2014 19:16

YABU

ALittleStranger · 04/02/2014 19:16

Does AIBU have some kind of tedious dissent quota? Hmm

RandomMess · 04/02/2014 19:16

FGS if those were the options I would have got her dressed at the side of the pool - even if it was just clothes over top of cossie and shoes on!!!

I suppose I would have given the dd 2 "acceptable" options.

craftynclothy · 04/02/2014 19:17

Yanbu. Changing rooms at our pool have signs up saying no members of the opposite sex over 8yo.

aquashiv · 04/02/2014 19:18

Our swimming pool has the family change in the ladies
silly planning

Original poster
2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:19

Why unreasonable HappyMamaBear? Does everyone else in the leisure centre have to bend to the whim of a 4 year old as well as her dad?

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 04/02/2014 19:21

No it's absolutely not on.

Imagine being a woman and your ds insisting on going into a men only changing room; you'd take the screaming abdabs all bloody day !!

How odd.

lougle · 04/02/2014 19:21

It's difficult. I take my DDs to swimming lessons and there is always a lady in the ladies changing rooms who brings her DS (around 6-7, but with SN) into the changing rooms and changes him there, so that she can help him and keep an eye on her DD.

The trouble is that my DD, also 6, possibly with SN (ongoing investigation/suspicion) gets absolutely distressed that this boy is in the changing rooms because he might see her. So, I and DD1's carer, have to try and get DD1 (who is 8 with SN -special school), DD3 (4) and DD2 changed, while DD2 is going into meltdown because there is only one toilet and an open changing area, with nowhere to 'hide' from this boy.

As a parent of a child with SN myself, I can see why the lady feels she must bring her DS in. But the question I ask is 'in this situation, is the gender of the 'changer' or the gender of the 'changee' the important factor?'

Goldmandra · 04/02/2014 19:21

I wouldn't be waiting to see if he does it again before speaking to the staff. I would let them know about this conversation and ask them to have someone in the changing room at the appropriate time next week to deal with it.

Stuff whether he is comfortable. It's not about his needs or his daughter's wishes.

He's in for a rough ride when she's a teenager!

Original poster
2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:25

Bit lougle in your scenario at my swimming pool you could all use the family change area which has large family-sized cubicles to get changed in together, but in privacy. No one would have to be in the ladies or the mens if they didn't want to be.

OP posts:
ALittleStranger · 04/02/2014 19:26

Lougle with respect that's a different conversation, one regarding whether the rules that hold in 99% of swimming pools about children under eight being allowed in the "wrong" changing rooms are appropriate.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 04/02/2014 19:27

It's not that he would have been accused of being a peeping tom but many woman would prefer not to change in front of a man!

RubyrooUK · 04/02/2014 19:30

I'm obviously soft. I don't think he should have come in. But as the parent of small children, I would assume he had made a dumb decision through a fog of sleep deprivation and/or a moment of stress when faced with a tantrum. You told him that he shouldn't be in there, he left. I would only be annoyed if he hadn't got the message on a subsequent occasion.

Pimpf · 04/02/2014 19:31

I don't think I'd be having a quiet word, I would have complained straight away to a member of staff. Utterly ridiculous that an adult is letting a child dictate to them.

WitchWay · 04/02/2014 19:33

He needs to stand up to his daughter - wonder if he only sees her at weekends & doesn't like to refuse anything

AuntieStella · 04/02/2014 19:34

When there is a family changing area, there is no need whatsoever for sexes to be in the 'wrong' sex changing room.

He WBVVVU.

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