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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

337 replies

2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:09

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

OP posts:
poopadoop · 04/02/2014 21:54

and for all you know, she also has SN and her tantrums are absolutely unbearable. I feel sorry for him. You're weirdos for seeing a perve around every corner

Goldmandra · 04/02/2014 21:58

and for all you know, she also has SN and her tantrums are absolutely unbearable.

That makes no difference to whether he should be in the women's changing rooms.

There are other strategies he could reasonably apply to minimise meltdowns but this isn't one of them.

ProudAS · 04/02/2014 22:10

What about other little girls with SN like the child mentioned earlier in this thread who was having meltdowns over a boy in the changing room - never mind a grown man!

What about teenage girls who may be feeling self conscious?

What about ladies who expect female changing rooms to be just that?

I'm not saying this man was a pervert but grown men have no place in women's changing rooms. His DD may have SN but that doesn't mean she should automatically get her own way.

cjel · 04/02/2014 22:33

My family has a lot of history running pools and this man was wrong on so many levels, the staff should have been told and he has to realise that his daughters wishes don't come above the rules by which he uses the facility or the feelings of other pool users.
There were perfectly good family changing facilities he should have used,I can't believe all the people here who are thinking its ok for a man to go in like this when he has a family changing room.
Would he let her go in the deep end as a non swimmer and expect a lifeguard to save her? what about if she wouldn't get out and wanted to wee or poo in the water instead, or eat and drink and drop crumbs in the water? how far does not following the rules matter. It has nothing to do with whether he would see someones body or not, he was using a public pool which has regulations for use and he broke them.
You should definitely mention it to staff when you go again, they will want to know.

TaraKnowles · 04/02/2014 22:33

My local pool has changing rooms for;

Mothers and children

Little girls

Women

Men

Little boys

Fathers and children

If it was cubicles or common changing rooms I would have to make an age related decision, but I would never go into a mens changing area. ds would have to be the one who compromised over that. yanbu

Primafacie · 04/02/2014 22:35

AppleCrumbles, sorry but I really don't get it - what do you mean by 'get poolside safely'?

Sorry if I am being thick, but I cannot get my head around an 8 year old child not having SN but needing assistance with changing at the pool. Maybe because my 2 year old DS insists on privacy when he's in the loo :o

cjel · 04/02/2014 22:38

8 is a perfectly reasonable age to expect a child to be able to change themselves, I spend a lot of time at pools and they may come out with towels and trunks dragging on the floor, clothes sticking to them because the didn't dry properly and hair a mess but they manageSmile

Misspixietrix · 04/02/2014 22:45

Seriously. Read the bloody post! I said the situation might be new to him. If not the situation could have been the environment etc. So what we Parents we get things wrong sometimes? He brought her in because he wanted to avoid a meltdown not 'avoid dealing with a tantrum'. OP told him he should not have done. He left and he will know for next time. It isn't like he chained himself to the bloody doorhandles and demanded equal rights is it? Hmm. If he was to do it again OP (which I doubt) then simply complain to the Manager and any other relevant person. I'm sure they will explain to him in simpler terms why taking his DD in the woman's changing room isn't such a good idea.

LessMissAbs · 04/02/2014 22:45

Quite possible he was just thick and ignorant as opposed to a perv.

I do the continental full naked changing in the swimming pool, so it wouldn't have been very nice for someone like me!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 04/02/2014 22:45

I frankly find it more acceptable than changing a little girl in the men's changing rooms.

Confused

Do you feel the same about little boys in the women's changing room?

Or is it just that you believe that men are such disgusting pervs that NO children should ever get changed in a male-only changing room?

I really wonder about this because the logical conclusion of some of these threads seems to be that only disgusting pervs (i.e. men that are not with children) could be expected to use the male changing room.

And that as a result, a female-only space for women to get changed (out of the view of said pervs) must also accommodate teenage boys and fathers with either gender of child.

It's totally fucking bizarre.

Misspixietrix · 04/02/2014 22:55

LessMissAbs Grin.

Misspixietrix · 04/02/2014 22:56

Imgogoing with the 'bit thick' reasoning too.

cjel · 04/02/2014 22:58

I'm more likely to go with the 'entitled idiot' than just thick!! If he thinks his dd allows him to break rules everyone else sticks to.

MrsCakesPremonition · 04/02/2014 23:00

My DH always refused point blank to take DD into the men's changing room (he is happy to take DS). He said that there were lots of hairy men wandering around with their willies on display. I bowed to his superior knowledge - he is not usually squeamish, so I assumed that he had good reason to feel uncomfy.

The Dad really should have just taken his DD in the family changing room. It does sound as though he had a bit of a moment - was so focused on his DD's tantrum that he completely forgot the other users, before realising what he had done. Or is that being too kind to him?

AroundTheGlobe · 04/02/2014 23:03

I think some of you are quite harsh and judgemental to talk about the DD,

She's in for a shock when people bend to her whim
He needs to stand up to his daughter
She's get a nasty surprise when she grows up.

None of us know the first thing about this child or why she didnt want to go in the male changing room. Also I'm quite sure we've backed down at some point to our children just for an easy life.

Goldmandra · 04/02/2014 23:05

Also I'm quite sure we've backed down at some point to our children just for an easy life.

No. I can honestly say I have never been pressured into doing something this inconsiderate or inappropriate in order to avoid a tantrum and I have two children with Autism.

Misspixietrix · 04/02/2014 23:06

Precisely what I was trying to say MrsCakes but yes its being too nice to him. .

Pimpf · 04/02/2014 23:08

I can't believe some posters dont think the dad did anything wrong

Primafacie · 04/02/2014 23:08

Yes I've backed down to my children, but never to the point where it would have made me walk into a roomful of naked strangers of opposite sex.

MrsCakesPremonition · 04/02/2014 23:09

None of us know the first thing about this child or why she didn't want to go in the male changing room.

But it wasn't a choice between using the male or female changing rooms. It was a choice between using the family changing room (clean and private) or the public female changing room.

Misspixietrix · 04/02/2014 23:10

Goldmandra yes it was inconsiderate but has it occurred to some on this thread that he simply, maybe, just didn't think. When OP told him he left. Now if he had stayed I would say he was inconsiderate. He didn't.

Primafacie · 04/02/2014 23:12

Re-reading my post, perhaps I'm missing a trick here. :o

Pimpf · 04/02/2014 23:15

Sorry I don't buy that pixie. At what point did he think it ok to be in a women's changing room, who in their right mind would think that's acceptable?

AroundTheGlobe · 04/02/2014 23:15

No. I can honestly say I have never been pressured into doing something this inconsiderate or inappropriate in order to avoid a tantrum and I have two children with Autism.

But I'm not talking about the dad or saying this justifies his actions. I'm saying I think the comments about little girl are harsh, as most of us have given in to our children at some point - doesn't mean that they are in for a shock when they got older etc

Goldmandra · 04/02/2014 23:16

has it occurred to some on this thread that he simply, maybe, just didn't think.

He did think and he decided that avoiding the tantrum was more important than following the convention of not entering a female only changing room. He explained this quite clearly to the OP.

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