To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

[2cats2many]

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

Just think you are making it into a big huge deal when it really isn't.

Yabu-do you honestly think he was in there to have a perve or something? ffs whats the big hang up with nakedness. I honestly could not give a shit if the changing rooms were unisex and every walked about naked.

I do not understand what Reporting Him will do. Why can people just not have civilised conversations with other adults on here? Why does everything have to go through managers?

OP, you told him you didn't think he should be in there. He basically agreed and left. He was BU. Job done. Do you want him to be questioned or watched next time he comes?

Just leave it. Unless you see him in there again, that's when you report!

When Ds2.goes to his swimming lesson i have to take him into the mens. He is 8 and apparently too old to use womens and i hate having to.nip into mens with him but there is no family changing room.

That said it is at a school and is during childrens lessons so a different situation.Op YANBU if there us a family space he can use. He must realise it makes others uncomfortable and his dd will need to learn from him surely that other peoples feelings need to be taken into account!

lijkk

Not at most places I've been. Women letting it all hang out in a most un-British way left right and centre

YANBU. This is why public facilities nowadays usually have family changing rooms (or lots of cubicles, some big enough for parent and children).

Just possibly he hadn't realised that there was a family room? But if he had and he was in the ladies because Little Madam had thus decreed, then he should obviously have taken her into the family room and if big screaming fight started, marched her off home without her swim.

AppleCrumples- if your DS is too old to use the women's changing rooms, surely you are too old to be going into the men's? Can't your DS change by himself? If you're worried about anything inappropriate happening (unlikely if there are lots of other children changing, surely) then you could wait outside with the door propped a little so you can hear. The vast majority of our year 3/4 children can change themselves, the exception being if they have SENs- and if your son has SEN meaning he can't manage then you need to ask if there are any facilities for the disabled that you could use.

YABU.

We have a child with SN who loves swimming but gets v stressed out by the changing rooms and every time we go it's a battle.

Our daughter always wants to go into the group changing rooms, which are usually locked, and has a meltdown if they're locked and we can't get in.

As a result I often end up changing her in the CORRIDOR leading to the changing room. We must look bloody weird, esp as she doesn't look that obviously 'different' to other children, but I will go to any lengths to avoid a hideous screaming meltdown when she gets upset.

I have other children who do not have special needs and I would never do this with them because they can understand, but our DD doesn't understand.

I honestly can't see what the problem is for the OP. My heart goes out to this man.

If having a SN child has taught me anything, it's not to judge and to be more understanding of others.

Sorry if I sound angry but I am.

My local pool has unisex changing (all cubicles). Much better I think.

Applecrumble surely its better for him to be in the ladies with you than for you to be in the mens with him. He's only eight.

DS1 comes into the womens' changing rooms with me and the womens loos with me if we're out. There is no family changing rooms and I'm not sending him alone into the mens.

It wouldn't bother me in the least.

He's changing his daughter. She wants to get changed where the women get changed.

I frankly find it more acceptable than changing a little girl in the men's changing rooms.

I have been at gyms where men aren't allowed in the family changing area, because there might be naked women there. I can guarantee you, fathers have seen it all before, so what's that all about.

I just think everyone in the UK needs to stop feeling like nudity is such a big fucking deal. They are only bodies, people, and they are just not that fucking interesting, clothed or not.

He is actually the first bloke I've come across that has took his DC OUT as opposed to staying at home etc. You ever thought he might be new to all of this? I.e single Dad etc. .

For heaven's sake, it is an everyday occurrence for a man to take his children swimming.

Of course he shouldn't have been in the bloody women's changing room. If his DD was going to have a tantrum then frankly he needs to tough it out.

To everyone who is in doubt, the family change facilities at this pool are large, clean, always open, clearly labelled as Family Change and have large family sized cubicles in which men can change their children privately.

This blokes problem wasn't that he didn't know they existed or where they were. The problem was that he didn't want to have to deal with his daughter's tantrum so prioritised his own and his dd's comfort over the comfort of the women who had chosen to change (communal, open plan change) in the women's only changing room.

And just because some people on here dont feel uncomfortable being naked in front of a strange man, it doesn't necessarily follow that everyone else should feel that way.

Maybe he'll go to the family change next time. If he doesn't, I'm complaining to the staff. He shouldn't bloody be in there!

He's changing his daughter. She wants to get changed where the women get changed

But she's not a woman - she's a little girl who needs to be accompanied. So whether she likes it or not, the appropriate place is the family room.

If we lived in a world where women weren't routinely objectified then maybe we could dispense with segregated changing rooms - but for now, there are valid reasons why many women prefer them.

YANBU, I did find another swimming pool to take my children to as my son was too old to come in the changing rooms with me, but he is awkwardly shy and hated managing the changing rooms on his own.

So we found a hotel with a decent pool and unisex changing rooms with individual cubicles. Until I found this swimming was off our activity list for well over a year.

Maybe he'll go to the family change next time
hopefully after this encounter he will. For one thing, he'll be able to tell his DD that he got told off last time.

I frankly find it more acceptable than changing a little girl in the men's changing rooms.

Um why? because little girls don't want to get undressed in front of strange men? Yes, that's why it was inappropriate for him to go in the women's changing room!

My DH usually goes against the tide of MN opinion and even he thinks the man was BU. I take that as an indicator of how clear-cut the case is

Seriously, the reverse (woman taking her DS into the men's changing room for fear of mega-tantrum) just Would Not Happen.

It's also a everyday occurence for men to be able to read a sign that says "women's changing room"

It really doesn't matter if you enjoy walking around nude, you can make that choice. Some poor women walking out of a cubicle who doesn't know there will be a strange man in the room didn't get that choice.

Litdog- that feels different to me, as it is your daughter who is 'on display' as it were. Not an adult intruding into the wrong gendered changing rooms and potentially seeing other, non consenting, adults' bodies.

PS have you tried asking for a member of staff to unlock the rooms for you and explaining about your daughter's SN? Again it makes me grateful for our swimming baths, the two I use most often both have designated changing rooms/cubicles for people with disabilities.

I notice 2 posters assume the man is a single disney type dad? Nice attitude... For the record many men take their children out at the weekend and after school on a regular basis, nice to know that DH is probably mentally labeled a single parent when he's out and about with one or all of our 3!
Anyway, the guy made a mistake in pandering to a 4 year old, he was probably mortified enough to never go near the wrong changing room again, if he even gets the courage to walk through the door of the swimming pool at all!
He should have gone into the family room, hopefully lesson learnt.

crohnically he does change by himself but i still want to ensure he ends up poolside safely! FWIW at that time both rooms are fairly mixed.

littlered when we started going i thought it was probably better for him to use womens with me but the school policy is over 8s in own sex changing room. He changes himself etc and wikk be using the same pool when he starts the school swimming lessons.

AS i said though its a different situation and when go swimming together we go to the main leisure centre which is unisex and much easier!

"And just because some people on here dont feel uncomfortable being naked in front of a strange man, it doesn't necessarily follow that everyone else should feel that way."

^^ This.

I would guess most women would not want to be seen naked by men other than their families, indeed for some it may be a major issue.