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AIBU?

To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

337 replies

2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:09

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

OP posts:

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Misspixietrix · 04/02/2014 23:19

Have I missed something? OP told him. He Left. Right?

Goldmandra · 04/02/2014 23:21

He didn't need to be told to know he was behaving inappropriately. If he hadn't realised that he wouldn't have justified his actions as tantrum avoidance.

Pimpf · 04/02/2014 23:22

He left because his daughter was changed, not because he was asked to, unless I've missed something

Misspixietrix · 04/02/2014 23:22

Primf nobody in their right mind would think it's acceptable. Which is what made me suggest maybe he didn't think it through. He is a man after all :)

Starballbunny · 04/02/2014 23:22

Personally, I wouldn't give a flying fuck. I don't give a monkeys who see's me naked. DD2 wouldn't be impressed.

Mind you she'd probably charm
The little girl into going into the family area.

Misspixietrix · 04/02/2014 23:23

He then made a swift exit I took that to mean he went into another changing room. I'm sure OP will be back to clarify.

Pimpf · 04/02/2014 23:23

Haha pixie, still don't buy it though

Pimpf · 04/02/2014 23:24

Star, that's great for you, but not everyone feels that way

poopadoop · 04/02/2014 23:26

maybe just be charitable, and think he was completely flustered, didn't think through what he was doing and leave it at that. And don't make such an almighty fuss, at worst giggle at his embarrassment. Honestly do you not have more to worry about?! MN is so full of these petty gripes and moans these days, it is sometimes like one big collective whinge

Goldmandra · 04/02/2014 23:33

Honestly do you not have more to worry about?! MN is so full of these petty gripes and moans these days, it is sometimes like one big collective whinge

That's us told then!

Should we work out how to broker peace in the Middle East instead?

AroundTheGlobe · 04/02/2014 23:35

I agree with poopadoop.

Yeah it was shit decision and he probably didn't actually think about the possible consequences or how others might feel.

He was told and then he left. I'd just build a bridge and get over it.

Only if he did it again or refused to leave would it become an issue imo.

snowybun · 04/02/2014 23:44

I think my local pool has the right idea unisex changing area with cubicles big family ones as well as smaller cubicles no problems then.

Grennie · 04/02/2014 23:44

If I had to use a changing room with men in, I would never go swimming again.

Daykin · 04/02/2014 23:51

It doesn't matter if individual women don't mind being seen naked by a random man, the changing room is for all women. Elderly women and teens, women who've recently had mastectomies, women who've been raped and sexually assaulted, women who don't want random blokes looking at them. Swimming is not just for the 'right on'.

Jinsei · 05/02/2014 00:16

I'm amazed that anyone thinks that it was ok for a grown man to go in the women's changing room when there were family rooms available. Just to avoid a tantrum?

Unbelievable.

Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 00:21

Only no one thinks that.

poopadoop · 05/02/2014 00:35

fgs, mass hysteria! ONE man made a faux-pas in a foolish panic, that was then corrected and suddenly it might never be safe to go back in the changing room again!!

And does having a bit of common sense not apply to 'Elderly women and teens, women who've recently had mastectomies, women who've been raped and sexually assaulted.' That's so patronising

LittleBearPad · 05/02/2014 00:35

What a wimp and very inconsiderate.

Pitmountainpony · 05/02/2014 05:37

Another pervert with a good back story.

Chottie · 05/02/2014 05:49

I would have felt uncomfortable about this too.

when my gym has changing room swops because of maintenance, it is amazing the number of middle aged men who 'accidentally' go into the wrong changing room despite huge notices on the doors and in reception

procrastinatingagain · 05/02/2014 06:06

I'm trying to imagine walking into the male changing room, and I just can't. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. Thankfully my local pools have unisex changing areas which are all cubicles. Much better. Going into the wrong changing rooms is just not right imo, whatever his excuse was.

2cats2many · 05/02/2014 06:37

Just to clarify, he left because his dd had her coat on and was ready to leave. Not because I told him to leave.

I'll be telling him to leave if I see him in there next Tuesday.

For the record, I don't think he was a perv and he did genuinely look uncomfortable. I think he was a bit spineless, stupid and, yes, entitled.

However, it doesn't really matter what his intentions were. He made lots of women feel uncomfortable for no reason and he shouldnt have been there.

OP posts:

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Greenkit · 05/02/2014 07:14

We just have changing rooms, no just male or just female

Tailtwister · 05/02/2014 07:14

YANBU. There were family changing rooms available and he should have been using them, whether or not his daughter objected.

Personally his presence wouldn't have bothered me, but I understand that a lot of women would feel extremely uncomfortable. There are separate changing rooms for a reason.

DinahSoar · 05/02/2014 07:27

YABU. But mainly because you have been conditioned to be.

It might be worth thinking about why you are so opposed to men seeing you naked/half dressed? Is it because they might be 'perving' at you? So is it just straight men you're concerned with? What about gay men? And what about lesbian women, might they not be eyeing you up too? Perhaps we should have 4 sets of changing rooms - but then what would we do with bisexual people?

Or is it because 'our bodies are different' - in which case, as individual women's bodies aren't the same, should we have sections for tall women, short women, fat women, slim women, women who've had children, women who haven't? And what about people with deformities?

Bodies are just bodes, and this 'ooh don't let anyone see mine' attitude really should be left in the last century. Our children are subjected to airbrushed and pornographic images everywhere nowadays and, if they never get to see true nakedness so do not have any reality other than their own bodies to compare these with, this could contribute to them having a warped sense of what bodies are 'supposed' to look like as well as 'issues' about their own appearance.

I think the man involved was very brave and was just trying to placate his daughter (haven't we all occasionally done the 'wrong' thing in order to achieve this?) - if he was my husband/partner and came home and told me what he'd done, I'd have just giggled and said 'I bet that freaked out some of the fuddy-duddies'. And didn't it just!

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