To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

[2cats2many]

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

OK so men are more likely to be paedophiles but just what are they going to do with child's father present!!!

Immaterial anyway as there was a separate family changing area.

Excellent post Crohnically

Proud that doesn't mean you should force an abuse victim into that area though is it? . Jeez its really not that hard to comprehend!

OK misspixie, we get that it would not have been possible for your sister to have accompanied a male carer into the male changing rooms and therefore anybody who dared to suggest that a girl accompanies a man into the changing rooms is unreasonable. Even though it's what many other girls have done with their dads in the past.

The facts remain that it is not reasonable for the male carer to accompany a girl into the female changing rooms, leaving the following options:
Girl changes herself in female changing rooms.
If that's not possible: male helps girl change in family changing rooms
If that's not possible: choose a different swimming baths with appropriate changing room ie family/unisex
If that's not possible: arrange to go swimming with a female friend or relative who can supervise the girl changing
If that's not possible: don't go swimming till one of the above is possible

Good you all get it. Only had to repeat it several thousand times. I never actually said otherwise re the man in the female changing rooms. Its all there if people bother to read the thread.

hello you are now bringing a man WHO COULD BE A PAEDOPHILE into the women's changing rooms! So now you have terrible paedophiles in BOTH changing rooms! So where do all the little girls get changed?

And if the men's changing rooms are such nests of perverts, should little boys get changed in there either?

In fact since your argument seems to be that it is likely one will encounter paedophiles in the male changing rooms, should we let men go swimming at all?

I did read the thread. The problem is, by concentrating your argument on your sister being unable to use the male changing room, it does sound like you are defending the man's actions and saying he was being reasonable (as he could have a similar reason for not taking her in the men's rather than just avoiding a tantrum).

And I was being sarcastic when I said "anybody who dared to suggest that a girl accompanies a man into the changing rooms is unreasonable" as I thought my next sentence showed. In actual fact, I think it's perfectly reasonable given that small boys are expected to accompany their mums into the female changing room. Your sister is an exception, there will always be exceptions, but we can't base the rules on the minority.

So I don't actually get why you brought the subject of your sister up! And nobody mentioned 'forcing' anybody into the opposite gendered changing room, never mind an abuse victim. It was suggested as one possible solution, there are other possible solutions as I mentioned above.

If you read it chrohnic then you will know I was simply responding to ONE poster who said he should have took DD into MCR. In fact I wasn't the only one to say no he shouldn't he should have took her into the Family Room. I do not sound like I am defending him because I have already stated that yes he seemed a bit thick/arsey/made a monumental mistake BUT He was STILL BU.

And no we can't base the rules on the minority which is why the first time I mentioned it in one of my posts I added (I appreciate she's in the minority).

I'm not sure which is the ONE poster you are referring to, tbh. If it was pimpf then it sounds like they were talking about a situation that happened at their local pool- where there may not have been family changing rooms, leaving only the options of male or female.

No it was somebody else IIRC just basically said he SHOULD have took her into the Men's. To which I and others said. That isn't feasable (sp?) For the very rare reasons I've stated.

I think I found it, it was one poster who only seemed to post that one comment.

*Surely he should have taken her into the men's change room? Even if he is the nicest least leery man in the world, grown men do not go into women's changing rooms under any circumstances.

If this was to happen again, I think you should alert the staff to come and deal with him and the toddler.*

To be honest, I think they didn't read the thread (maybe just read the title), as the comment didn't flow from any of the ones before. So they didn't realise there was a family change available, and thought 'well, he definitely shouldn't have taken her in the women's' and deduced that meant they had to go in the men's, as that was the only alternative to the women's.

I don't think they meant that they should have gone in the men's rather than the family room! And they didn't hang around to read the clarifications regarding the fact that there WAS a family room available.

So to summarise:
Everybody says dad should have taken daughter in family room.
Some people chip in with anecdotes about pools where there are no family change.
Random poster gets confused and thinks there is no family change and therefore says they should have been in male changing.
Argument gets sidetracked a little by people discussing merits of changing small children in opposite sex changing rooms.
You come by and say 'but my sister wouldn't have gone in the men's'.
Although you were talking to random poster, your comment comes in the middle of the argument sidetracking people, so your comment has the undertones of 'she wouldn't have gone in the men's so she would have had to go in the ladies with dad'- don't forget we have been discussing situations where there is no family change, only men's or women's and your comment was read in that context.

Can you see now why people think you were defending the dad?

No. Because I wasn't defending him . The only people that would think that. Are the ones that didn't read the thread.

OP, YANBU, you did the right thing. Next time, if there is a next time, he should be reported to staff. I don't have children, but tried to picture any of my brothers or brother in law doing what this guy did. Thankfully, I can't picture it, they just wouldn't even think of doing it.

I did read the thread, and I wasn't entirely sure which side you were on. You seemed to be saying 'he wasn't reasonable, but there might have been extenuating circumstances' or maybe 'that particular man wasn't reasonable, but if a man had done it under these specific circumstances that apply to my sister, that would have been reasonable'

I read your comments about your sister in the context of the argument about whether men would perv on small girls. I didn't relate it to your earlier comments at all.

No. I think he was thick. :) to put it politely. But still unreasonable. As I stated many times.

I've been swimming my whole childhood and adult life and never once seen a naked adult walking around the changing rooms or showers - and I've lived in all four corners of this country.

Personally, I can't see the problem. If his daughter felt more comfortable in the female changing area than in the grown male adults changing area, her dad was putting her interests first.

Is this the same bunch of women who complain about fathers using the milk warmer in the desginated breastfeeding areas? I think so. Pfftt.

I have seen plenty of half naked women drying their top halfs with the costume down. Remember there are no cubicles.

Is this the same MN that thinks it is totally wrong for a father to take photos of children in a play, but being in a changing room meant for girls and women is fine?

I have seen plenty of naked women under the shower, every time I go to my local pool in fact so you must have missed my corner!
The father wasn't acting in the best interest of the child, he was demonstrating lazy parenting of 'anything for a quiet life'.

I should tell him in no uncertain terms that be could deal with the tantrum and if he didn't move I should report him to the management.

this thread is Barmy!!

no no under no circumstances should he have set foot into the female only changing area. if my dds had been half naked in there and a random bloke walked in I would assume he was a pervert and, depending upon my mood, slap his face hard and report him at once, or order him to leave at once and report him.

I wouldn't dream of walking into the make changing room either.

whether or not he had his dd with him is completely immaterial.

and yes plenty of women walk around naked in our pool area too. it can be a bit ott actually.

It is a barmy thread! Lazy, wet parent doesn't want to deal with a tantrum so he would rather upset a roomful of women and people try and justify his selfish behaviour!

showmesaturn you should come to my gym. We even have topless hair drying - usually performed by those who are very proud of their new boobs. I would hate to not have a proper shower after swimming. The same changing room serves the gym and naturally people who've ben using the gym strip off to shower. People do generally drape themselves in a towel when walking about but it would be near impossible to not expose some of your body at some point.
I'm amazed that anyone can use open plan changing and have never seen anyone in the nuddy. I am also amazed by the number of people who have said on this thread and other similar ones 'surely you are in a cubicle' when it says in the OP that it's "shared facilities (just a few cubicles)".