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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask people not to put photos of my wedding on Facebook etc?

149 replies

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 09:57

It's a few months off and just a passing thought.

I've noticed that people do tend to put photos on Facebook etc throughout the day when attending weddings.

Would I be massively unreasonable to ask people not to do this?

OP posts:
Morgause · 03/02/2014 09:59

I think the guests would think you were being very unreasonable. At the last wedding I went to people posted lots of photos of themselves in their gladrags and meeting with friends at the venue and lots of the bride and groom and then the reception.

I'm a lazy mare and I didn't but most people did. I don't think you'll stop them, even if you ask.

QueenofKelsingra · 03/02/2014 10:02

I think they would feel you were being unreasonable. I tend to ask my friends not to tag me in any photos so people who don't actually know me wont find out who I am IYSWIM?

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 10:02

Oh I don't mean no photos of each other, enjoying their day, I mean of me and dp. Saying no photos at all would be a bit much. I didn't word that well.

I'd rather see the airbrushed wedding photos in all their glory before I saw myself with a mouth full of food all over Facebook iyswim?

OP posts:
WishUponAStar88 · 03/02/2014 10:02

I know a few people who put a little note in the invite about this. I do think it's very rude of guests to put pictures of the bride and groom up before evening guests have seen them at the very least.

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 10:03

Queen that could be the way forward.

OP posts:
firsttimekat · 03/02/2014 10:09

We felt the same as the OP on the day we asked people not to put ones of us (bride and groom) on FB. A few people forgot and as and when we saw them go up we politely asked them to take them down. No one seemed to mind and everyone took them down. A few people thought we were odd but I like that we were in more control. Just be clear on what you want it's your day.

FloweryFeatureWall · 03/02/2014 10:13

Yanbu. Back when I had facebook, a woman I knew was uploading pics and videos from her friends wedding. She even posted their first dance as a video. Talk about milking someone else's special day.

WelshMaenad · 03/02/2014 10:16

I would never put pictures of someone's wedding on Facebook without asking first, and always check if the B&G are happy for me to do so at all. I wouldn't even put pics of DD up when she was bridesmaid for my best friend, because she was part of the wedding party.

Pics of me and DH glammed up, fine. Pics of venue, flowers , cake, wedding party etc no, not with express permission.

Maybe I'm weird. Or polite.

cookiefiend · 03/02/2014 10:23

Yanbu. People are obsessed with Facebook, but why should it be acceptable to put pictures of you on a forum anyone can look at? Just because they broadcast every detail of their life does not give them a right to do the same to you.

It is a private event and if you request people not to post on Facebook they should have the decency to respect your request.

MimiSunshine · 03/02/2014 10:24

I know someone who did this and people did think it was odd and lots of people who couldn't be there were really disappointed not to see any pics.

I think if you don't want to make people feel uncomfortable and a bit worried about whats okay i.e. pics of them are fine but what if they get something in the background that they're not sure you'd be happy with?
I would just change your settings so that you cant be tagged in photos without your permission, you can choose which ones to allow through at a later date.

People are there to celebrate with you so i doubt they'll take or put up any that you would look bad in.

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 10:41

I'm glad there hasn't been a ringing chorus of "BRIDEZILLA" Grin

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 03/02/2014 10:49

I went to a friends wedding and they requested no pics on FB of the grooms DS! There were good reasons behind this but it hadn't even occurred to me to post pics of someone else's wedding anyway!

No one will mind, I'm sure!

CosyTeaBags · 03/02/2014 10:50

You're not unreasonable at all OP. It's horrible to think that other people would be sharing pics of your big day before it's even over.

Sometimes Facebook is just crass.

Good luck with asking everyone to abstain though, not sure how you could word it nicely so that people don't get the hump. Hopefully someone can post a nice suggestion that will come across in a friendly manner.

laregina · 03/02/2014 10:56

People are obsessed with Facebook, but why should it be acceptable to put pictures of you on a forum anyone can look at? Just because they broadcast every detail of their life does not give them a right to do the same to you

Exactly that. YANBU.

LoveWine · 03/02/2014 10:56

You can adjust your settings so pictures in which you are tagged do not show up in your timeline unless you approve them. This doesn't really solve the entire problem so your only other option is indeed to ask your family/friends not to post photos of you. I would think that most people will have the sense not to post anything until/unless you decide to do so yourself, but I guess this will depend on your circle of friends. For my wedding, people waited until we posted some "official" photos.

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 03/02/2014 10:59

I'd think you were a bit odd, tbh (I can see your point as you explain it here, but if I got a request like that I would pull a bit of a Hmm face).

And I would pull a HmmHmm face at the idea of being told that I shouldn't post pictures of flowers without express permission (which I know isn't what you were suggesting, but given it's come up in the course of discussion). Admittedly, I can't see myself posting pictures of someone's wedding flowers on FB anyway, but an actual prohibition on doing so would strike me as rather precious.

SaucyJack · 03/02/2014 11:02

YANBU.

It should never be unreasonable to ask other people not to post pics of you on t'internet.

meganorks · 03/02/2014 11:03

I think that's fine. I would quite like to say no facebooking during my wedding but probably won't. Normally I think all the mn 'facebook is the devil' stuff is a bit ridiculous. But people actually uploading stuff at the event I just think is a bit rude. You should be there enjoying the day and the next day or whenever do that.

Was at a wedding where there was a special banquet and 2 of my table were taking pictures of every course and uploading. But wasn't just that. They were trying to stage it just right, and write comments. The whole time not interacting with anyone. It was just rude I thought.

Vintagebeads · 03/02/2014 11:06

I think its fine to ask people not too.
A friend of mine had a baby recently and a mutual friend posted the sex,name, and weightShock .Let people announce their own news ffs

BackforGood · 03/02/2014 11:10

YANBU at all.
It's extremely rude of people to be posting photos of your special day before you've even had a chance to see them.
I would applaud a little note in the invitation / request by the officiant at the start of the ceremony if it happened at a wedding I was invited to.

MicrochipsAndMemories · 03/02/2014 11:11

We got married somewhere with absolutely zero mobile phone signal which was great because people didn't have their phones out all day. We told everyone this would be the case in the invite. We also asked people to not have cameras and phones out all day taking pictures because we didn't want our professional pictures to be ruined by cameras and phones being everywhere. Nobody seemed to mind. They just took pics in the evening :)

newyearhere · 03/02/2014 11:11

YANBU

specialsubject · 03/02/2014 11:14

oops, modern etiquette fail - didn't realise you had to ask before putting pictures of a public event to which I was invited up on FB! Will remember for next time.

that said, have only done this for two weddings; First one the bride got in touch to say she loved the photo, second one the bride told everyone that she was too impatient to wait for the official ones and urged everyone to put up their snaps! FWIW my FB account is locked to friends only.

I do of course only put up the best ones, no funny faces or unflattering angles. And not during the event, I'm there enjoying it not playing on the internet!

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 03/02/2014 11:18

The vicar at the church we got married in puts pics up on fb while the couple are outside the church having their official photos taken ShockHmmHmm

t3rr3gl35 · 03/02/2014 11:19

It's not unreasonable at all. I am very camera shy and had to be persuaded to have photographers at my wedding 2 years ago - I agreed because it mattered to my husband. We specifically asked our guests not to take photographs due to my shyness but there is always one...
We left the following day for our honeymoon and when we switched our phones on found a message telling us that x had uploaded over 200 photos onto her FB page. My husband was - and remains - furious. The photographs were taken down after he made a call but it was such an intrusion of privacy that it has damaged our relationship with the person who did this.

It affected us so much that we still haven't picked our official album, despite the photos taken professionally being quite amazing. It still feels as though something that was very personal and private to us and our closest friends had been violated.