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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask people not to put photos of my wedding on Facebook etc?

149 replies

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 09:57

It's a few months off and just a passing thought.

I've noticed that people do tend to put photos on Facebook etc throughout the day when attending weddings.

Would I be massively unreasonable to ask people not to do this?

OP posts:

Mia4 · 03/02/2014 12:30

Yanbu op but I wouldn't ask anyone that would be very odd. I would se your privacy settings so you authorise all fb tags which should help if someone does.

I would hold off on posting until someone in the family did if it was me but some people have to post straight off and are addicted to being the first to show things. It depends on your friends though, how polite they are and how like-minded. Someone at work had someone else announce her engagement on fb when she had only been asked ten minutes previously, she then had to have words with his sister who took a photo of her in her dress when she was getting ready with the intent to upload there and then. Before the groom had even seen! Talk about rude!

squoosh · 03/02/2014 12:34

I'd think you were being a bit precious to be honest.

Bedtime1 · 03/02/2014 12:35

Yanbu

CosyTeaBags · 03/02/2014 12:35

If people are uploading pics of the bride before she's even arrived at the church... and if the wedding guests / groom are the sort to constantly check their phones... then it's perfectly possible for guests and groom to see pics of the bride before she walks down the aisle.

That. is. Ghastly.

I have a few friends who don't do FB at all. I have the utmost respect for them.

Bubblegoose · 03/02/2014 12:38

Gosh, I don't think you're being precious or unreasonable at all! I would really hate this too.

Some people just don't have any idea of social etiquette. Why would you put pictures of someone else's wedding on your FB page?

squoosh · 03/02/2014 12:40

I wouldn't upload photos of some else's wedding, to be honest I don't even bother taking photos of the bride and groom at a wedding. But if I received a memo from a bride saying 'please don't upload any photos of our wedding to facebook'...............yes, I'd do a massive eye roll and think 'get over yourself dear'.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/02/2014 12:40

I've put a couple of photos of my children in their wedding outfits (when guests) up on FB for the alternate side of the family etc but I would always always wait until the bride or groom themselves have uploaded photos before I put anything else on. It's not my day to share with the world. Surely that's just good manners?

Ragwort · 03/02/2014 12:41

I think people not being able to spend a day out without updating Facebook is ridiculous

Absolutely - what is this obsession with FB? Surely if you go to a wedding you are enjoying the occasion, meeting up with old friends, making new friends, eating and drinking - where would you find time to FB unless you cannot interact 'normally' with real people. .

However, I have never been tempted to use FB in my life so I assume I am just hopelessly old fashioned .

CosyTeaBags · 03/02/2014 12:42

I think they key is to word the request correctly - either with a note on the tables, or an announcement by the registrar, or a note in the invitation. Find a way of wording it so that it doesn't come across as precious.

Something like "Bride & Groom would very much appreciate it if people did not post pictures of the wedding on Social media until they have had a chance to do so themselves. I'm sure you will all appreciate that they deserve to be the first to share the pictures of their big day!"

Anyone who disagrees with that and thinks "actually no, I deserve to be the first person to share pictures of my friend's big day" is an arse.

QueenofKelsingra · 03/02/2014 12:46

I also feel that if someone is first to post photos/details of an event that they are not the main player in it smacks of 'look how important I am, I know this already, I'm a closer friend than the rest of you'

I have not forgiven one friend who I called to tell her I was pregnant, she then posts 'feeling so excited after chatting with Queen' and when we called the next set of friends to tell them they said 'we thought that would be it after seeing Friend's FB status'. killed the thunder a little bit which was annoying.

Pigsmummy · 03/02/2014 12:46

My friend posted a photo of me and her at my wedding, it was at some point during the day, I didn't mind, her Facebook friends saw it (so its not available to the general public) so what?

If Hello or OK are photographing your wedding then you have a point, however I think that you are being controlling tbh. People love taking photos at weddings, it's part if the fun. I have a Flickr page where I encouraged people to look at and upload any photos they have from the wedding.

TheKitchenWitch · 03/02/2014 13:05

I see it as posting photos of an event that I am attending, so the focus of most of them would not necessarily be the bride and groom in this case, but maybe the venue or decorations, friends I'm there with, what we're all wearing etc
It's me documenting my life and experiences.

If you don't do Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, then obviously you won't be doing this; that's your decision, but I think it is unrealistic these days to try and stop other people doing it.

Comparing it to them sticking your wedding photos up on a pinboard in Tesco is like saying you shouldn't go on Mumsnet because you'd never put up a note with your problems/woes/frustrations on that same pinboard for strangers to read and respond to. Life and technology have moved on and we have adapted to it in ways that were unforseeable even a few short years ago.

It's fair enough not to want to be tagged in the photos, though, and this is something that you can control.

FloweryFeatureWall · 03/02/2014 13:12

I'm boggled that people think it's okay to put pictures of other people, who aren't willing to be photographed, on the internet. And that they think their right to "document" their lives outweighs someone else's right not to be photographed and their right to not have their news or events become public events via facebook.

And comparing photos of a wedding being like they are posted on a notice board isn't like saying you shouldn't be posting a problem on mumsnet. If you post a problem, you are posting YOUR problem and it's hardly identifying if it's about other people. If you post photos, you are posting pictures of people. Big difference!

SusanneLinder · 03/02/2014 13:13

I think its bad manners to post pics of bride and groom at a wedding before the evening guests have arrived.

And grr to people posting baby announcements. My daughters pfb ended up on fb thanks to her IL, before half the family even knew, including one of her sisters. She was quite upset about it, as she wanted people to know individually

glasgowsteven · 03/02/2014 13:14

I was at a very small wedding fmaily only

before the service the celebrant said
"bride and groom have asked for no photos during"

brides uncle (55-60) stood up during the ceremony and took pictures, sat back down.

If own family wont do as asked....

squoosh · 03/02/2014 13:16

I think announcing someone else's pregnancy is FAR worse a transgression than posting a wedding photo on facebook. I don't think they even compare.

handcream · 03/02/2014 13:17

It surprises me what people DO put on FB tbh. Break up's. Trashing an ex etc.

Am I really interested in why you broke up with some no mark?

Scholes34 · 03/02/2014 13:18

Of course people should be able to resist being constantly tuned into Facebook and other social media, but we are where we are and your request does sound just a little too controlling. I'm sure you'll look gorgeous, so why wouldn't you want people to see photos of you?

We got married 20 years ago. Can't remember how long it was before I saw a photo of me in my wedding dress, but I certainly didn't ban anyone from popping out to use one hour processing on a film if they really wanted. Actually, I would have been quite touched if someone had and would have been delighted to see photos.

Are you famous, or are lots and lots of people just really, really interested in you and your wedding? If so, enjoy being in the limelight.

You could avoid all this if you went to Gretna, however.

TheKitchenWitch · 03/02/2014 13:23

My point wasn't that the two were similar as such, more that technology means we are now able to do things which would have been impossible (and utterly bizarre!) before.

You can't put a stop to it. You don't have to actively take part, nor do you have to like it. But you can't stop it. There is an entire generation who is growing up with social networking as a complete norm. My ds is 7 and has never known a time when I haven't been able to look something up on the internet, or share a photo of his first day at school with all our friends and family...or indeed, as this morning, take a photo of just how sleepy the two of us were and share it via WhatsApp with his dad at work. It is becoming the norm, it really is, and that doesn't mean it's all good (it's not), nor that we should all be sharing every aspect of our lives all the time (I also don't like it when people spend the entire time on their phones). But I suspect it's here to stay, and will get more rather than less.

monkeynuts123 · 03/02/2014 13:24

I don't think it's rude to ask. I think it is VERY rude to post pics of someone elses wedding day on fb before the couple have. had the chance. I'd say no posting photos on facebook of our wedding day. Thank you.

ButICantaloupe · 03/02/2014 13:26

with some no mark? I haven't heard that for ages!

PoirotsMoustache · 03/02/2014 13:29

The OP isn't planning on asking people to not post ANY photos though. She just doesn't want photos of her and DP on THEIR wedding day posted on FB without their permission.

I think it'd be bloody rude to upload pics of the B&G without at least asking them first.

BlueStones · 03/02/2014 13:32

I'm not on the dreaded FB, so wouldn't do this anyway, but I would think it a rather odd request. I've never heard of anyone objecting - aren't weddings exhibitionist events by definition? I would hate being photographed and tagged, but if I ever marry it will be in a (private) registry office.

Original poster

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 13:32

As Poirots says, it's photographs of myself and my dp I don't really want merrily put on Facebook throughout the day, pictures of guests having a jolly old time is fine.

I would like to share photographs of myself and dp at our choosing. That's all.

OP posts:

IneedAwittierNickname · 03/02/2014 13:53

A (now ex) friend of mine put up pictures of a bride walking down the aisle once.
Then someone commented on it that at the wedding had only just started 10 mins before the pic was posted, she was presumably posting from the church, before the vows had even been said
The friend replied asking why that was a problem, and it was pointed out to her that she should have been paying attention to the ceremony, and that the evening guests had now seen the brides dress etc before they got there.
The friend honestly couldnt see the problem.

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