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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask people not to put photos of my wedding on Facebook etc?

149 replies

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 09:57

It's a few months off and just a passing thought.

I've noticed that people do tend to put photos on Facebook etc throughout the day when attending weddings.

Would I be massively unreasonable to ask people not to do this?

OP posts:

TheListingAttic · 03/02/2014 18:55

Re what 60sname said, OP could you claim your other half is big in Japan?

Babcia · 03/02/2014 18:57

I was really pleased when people put pictures of my wedding on fb. Our photographers were crap and there were a lot of people who couldn't come- it was nice that they could see pictures as it took us months to get the official ones back (and the stupid man didn't actually take any shots of me anyway!). Don't forget a wedding is a matter of public record and even a "private" wedding is supposed to be open to the public to witness so that people with lawful objections can interject. You don't have any rights over pictures of yourself in a public place (on facebook or otherwise) unless they are being used for profit- it's the person who took the pictures who can decide what to do with them. Just because you're in a white frock doesn't mean you have any right to go all North Korea on them. If you really don't want people to share your pictures maybe give them a reason why, and they're more likely to do it.

MimiSunshine · 04/02/2014 13:06

Just because you're in a white frock doesn't mean you have any right to go all North Korea on them.
Stealing that

So basically the vast majority of people will comply, some will even think you're perfectly reasonable, lots of people will eye roll but comply and you may be unlucky with one idiot who eye rolls but doesn't comply.

Just ask for no B&G pics to go up, change your settings so that you can't be tagged and also so that 'photos of you' don't show on your profile. This restricts photos to just your albums and profile pics rather than all the ones of you ever are visible

Original poster

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/02/2014 22:44

I'm ok with people thinking I'm being precious, just this once

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 06/02/2014 00:49

I dont think you're being precious. I think its weird when people insist on defining and certifying their lives via social media, to the point theyd get huffy at going to an event where they CANT take photos, where the main/hosts of the event are just asking for a little privacy on their special day. There's no reason why they cant take photos of themselves & family/friends but no, have to show off exactly where theyve been. Having gone to the expense of hiring an official photographer, why wouldnt the hosts want 1st chance at choosing their nicest photos to show off in public?The insistence on putting up photos on FB is a 'look, I was here another event in my oh so busy wonderful varied life' thing. Its not really about the bride and groom, people just lie & justify because they truly need their FB 'fame'.

Puts me in mind of people who go to concerts and the minute the act hits the stage, up go the phones & cameras to record it all...not living in and enjoying the moment, just viewing life through a screen & lens.

Arkina · 06/02/2014 00:57

My cousin got married last year and had no.problem with fb photos. she actually loved the fact there were various candid shots of them that were taken by guests. She felt that it allowed her to get loads of photos she wouldn't have otherwise got. Her current profile photo is one I took so I suppose there are advantages too

MistressDeeCee · 06/02/2014 01:04

1 firend & 1 relative got married last year and were happy with FB photos too. Thats them. However for those who dont want that it seems theyre almost browbeaten into it, as if its of the absolute and utmost importance that guests must be able to upload to FB. What the bride and groom want isnt relevant, not when it comes to social media standing...

SelectAUserName · 06/02/2014 07:05

It's great that some people liked having their wedding photos uploaded to FB by their guests. That doesn't mean the OP should suck it up just because RandomMNPoster's Cousin Doris was grateful.

And as for the poster upthread who thought it was "crass" when the celebrant asked for no photos uploaded to social media - if guests weren't so crass as to take pictures during the ceremony there wouldn't have been any need to make the announcement in the first place.

I love Facebook. I use it daily. I upload photos of my DH when we go somewhere nice - partly, admittedly, because he suffers from cognitive dysfunction which means he forgets events and places so it's an easy way of reminding him that we did X on Y date - or random photos of things that catch my eye / amuse me. It's my newsfeed, I'll use it as I wish, friends can like or comment or scroll on by as they wish.

I would never upload photos of friends without permission, and I wouldn't dream of uploading someone else's wedding photos before they had done so, or indicated it was okay to do so. TBH my FB circles of friends are so disparate that photos of someone else's wedding party would mean nothing to at least 85-90% of them anyway so other than a photo of me and DH in our finery, I'd probably use other means to share any photos I'd taken with the bride and groom.

Greenmug · 06/02/2014 07:15

I wouldn't dream of it, I think it's odd to plaster your life on fb as it is never mind someone else's. I dont get why some literally live their lives through screens.

ZillionChocolate · 06/02/2014 07:16

I quite liked being able to see photos on fb while on honeymoon. My friend got married and whilst I can't remember whether she said anything about Facebook, I knew she didn't want photos us. That's fine. I think I'd have someone announce pre-ceremony, make sure your phones are off and no fb of B&G. People will think you're weird, but it's no imposition on them.

ZillionChocolate · 06/02/2014 07:17

Looking at fb photos generally, it seems to me that people are quite happy to post wonky/blurred/rubbish/unflattering photos. I don't think you can just ask the competent and considerate photographers to post though...

Dubjackeen · 06/02/2014 07:23

YANBU. I read on a different forum recently about a wedding someone attended, and another guest at the wedding had uploaded photos of the bride walking down the aisle, within seconds of it actually happening. Why can't people just enjoy a moment, without feeling the need to put it on Facebook immediately.

FreudiansSlipper · 06/02/2014 07:23

YANBU

why would anyone post pictures of you on FB of themselves is fine

you are not public property

callamia · 06/02/2014 08:08

We all do this out of respect for each other. We can and do post photos of ourselves and friends all day, but there's always a thing where we don't post bride/wedding pictures until the bride/groom do - it's their day. I think it's just good manners that you don't all rush to be the first one to post a picture of the bride etc.

Bunbaker · 06/02/2014 08:14

People are obsessed with Facebook, but why should it be acceptable to put pictures of you on a forum anyone can look at? Just because they broadcast every detail of their life does not give them a right to do the same to you

I second that.

SlimJiminy · 06/02/2014 10:20

op not sure whether this would be an option for you, but you could use an app/website (we used one called WedPics) and ask your guests to share their photos on that instead of FB - you could tell them you want to see all their wonderful photos, but would rather keep them between you and your guests and away from Joe Public (or some other more eloquent wording).

That way you still get to see your guests' photos but they aren't plastered all over Facebook?! Or you could ask simply that any pics of B&G stay on the app/website. And/or that guests resist uploading photos on the day and just enjoy being in the real world until the morning?!

Roussette · 20/03/2014 15:06

I have recently received a wedding invitation saying this:

Facebook
It is an absolute pleasure to have you at the wedding. Please do send us all your photos from the event, but it would be very much appreciated if these were not shared with the global online community

I get it BUT it did make me think of an Hello! sleb wedding where they confiscate cameras on the way in. I dont use FB anyway but I am sure some will creep through.

wishful75 · 20/03/2014 16:35

I think it's a bit controlling to be honest. I would respect not personal photos of bride and groom but photos of the venue, flowers, other guests etc..is too precious in my book and I wouldn't comply. It doesnt mean I would upload anything immediately but the photos would be a chronicle of my and my family's life too and as such would consider it pefectly reasonable to post.

Daddypigsgusset · 20/03/2014 16:44

I was the absolute opposite of a bridezilla when I got married, extra kids, ridiculous special requests etc didn't bother me at all.
BUT 3 guests turned the day into a live Facebook journal with lots of photos of the bridal party and set up. So their friends/work colleagues/ neighbours etc saw it all before our elderly and Ill relatives who were unable to make it on the day. Still annoys me tbh.
I would put a note in with the invites about posting pics publicly

NoodleOodle · 20/03/2014 17:01

YANBU Put the request on the invites. If people only want to go to events where they can put photos up on facebook, they are then welcome to decline the invite.

chrome100 · 20/03/2014 17:03

YABU (and very precious). I simply cannot understand why on earth this would be a problem. To anyone.

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 17:04

Not at all, my sister asked the vicar to make an announcement at the church and then it was repeated during the reception for those not at the church

It's a perfectly reasonable request

HelenHen · 20/03/2014 21:40

Yanbu at all... This is a pet hate of mine! Not sure how you can ask politely but it's incredibly rude to put pics of bridal party on Facebook before b&g. I'd never dream of doing it. People did it at our wedding and it didn't bother me too much but I dunno why they couldn't wait. I knew the same people would be itching to announce birth of our ds so I changed Facebook so nobody could post on our wall. I thought that would do the trick but no... She posted on her own wall tagging both of us and congratulated us. Then cos nobody could post on our wall, all the congratulations went on hers. I'm still slightly bitter about her being so fucking thoughtless and I've since figured out how to turn off people tagging you without your permission.

TheBigBumTheory · 20/03/2014 21:52

Dh recently joined Facebook. I had no idea that people had put loads of pictures with me in them online until he showed me. I'm not on it because I like my privacy. For example my sister had posted tons of pictures of my birthday on hers. I find it weird and unsettling.

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