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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask people not to put photos of my wedding on Facebook etc?

149 replies

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 09:57

It's a few months off and just a passing thought.

I've noticed that people do tend to put photos on Facebook etc throughout the day when attending weddings.

Would I be massively unreasonable to ask people not to do this?

OP posts:
SlimJiminy · 03/02/2014 11:21

I know someone who had a polite notice at their wedding that people didn't post photos on Facebook. No problems at all - the couple aren't really on it that much, so I could totally understand why they wouldn't want loads of people uploading photos of them. DH thought it was a weird request, but he uses it a lot more. And they were happy for us to post photos of ourselves, just wanted to keep their day between them and the friends and family who attended. I think that's lovely.

I'd send something in the invitation and then repeat it at the wedding though - with the couple I know, it was already too late by the time we got to the reception and some people had already posted pics that they then took down. I think it's really weird that people post photos during the actual wedding. FFS - at least enjoy the day first!!

NotNewButNameChanged · 03/02/2014 11:22

I went to a wedding where, before the bride entered the wedding venue, the best man announced that people were welcome to take photos throughout the ceremony and evening (everyone was there for the whole do, no additional guests) but they were not to post them on FB.

Famzilla · 03/02/2014 11:22

I think it's absolutely fine to ask people not to put pictures of you on Facebook, although it's a shame you would even have to ask. I never upload pictures of my friends or their DC's unless I've been asked, it's rude IMO.

DH and I got married quickly in a registry office without my (incredibly toxic and abusive) parents knowing. Everyone knew that it was a private affair, apart from one girlfriend of DH's best friend who uploaded a picture of us onto FB (I didn't even notice her taking it). She happened to be an old school mate of my brothers friend so needless to say they found out.

I spent my wedding night being subjected to the most horrendous tirade of abuse and ended up in hospital. I know it's not her fault as such but I'll always hold a grudge.

newyearhere · 03/02/2014 11:23

didn't realise you had to ask before putting pictures of a public event

  1. It's not usual to take photos during church services, and 2) a reception with invited guests isn't a "public event" it is a private party.
halfwildlingwoman · 03/02/2014 11:24

At a wedding I was at this summer, the registrar said at the start of the ceremony: "Could all guests refrain from posting photographs on social media until after the evening guests have arrived?" The next day, FB was FULL of them.

NoLikeyNoLighty · 03/02/2014 11:26

YANBU to tell people that you don't want wedding photos on FB (I've recently changed my stance on this.)
I was invited to two weddings last year. The first one we got an invite for said "no photos being put on FB" on the invites which I though was weird and a tad dramatic, but fair enough, if that's what they wanted.
Then the second one, where no such issue was pointed out. I''m not kidding, 2 MINUTES after vows had been said, on filing out of the venue, somebody checked their phone, and there was ALREADY a photo of them signing the register, and saying their vows on FB.
What the f** is WRONG with some people?! I love FB and spend far too much time updating it with drivel but who would presume to stick up personal wedding pictures seconds after the vows had been said, and before the bride and groom even got chance to (literally!) get out the door?!
Maybe they'd like the chance to do it themselves without someone presuming to do it for them?!
It's numpties like that that make people want to put blanket bans on FB.
Sorry, I've rambled. Grin OP, YANBU.

EllaFitzgerald · 03/02/2014 11:26

We did something kind of similar when we got married. We didn't care about pics of the food, venue or even my DH on there, but I didn't want any of me on there. At all. Not even untagged ones. I think a few people thought I was being a bit precious, but then I don't really understand their obsession with plastering selfies of themselves all over the internet!

DrNick · 03/02/2014 11:26

BRIDEZILLA KLAXON

ButICantaloupe · 03/02/2014 11:26

YADNBU!

I hated this. We had only just got into our wedding car to go to the reception when friends had posted pictures of me walking down the aisle on Facebook. Angry

DrNick · 03/02/2014 11:27

whats the issue exactly?

goldenlula · 03/02/2014 11:32

We were invited to the reception for my cousin's wedding but before the actual ceremony the matron of honour and Mum to the two other bridesmaids had uploaded photos of them all in their dresses, hair done etc! Then just after the ceremony were pictures of the bride. It felt a shame that we, asthere was no surprise for us and as we already seen the pictures we almost forgot to say how lovely the bride looked!

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 11:33

Issues explained in my op and subsequent post Dr Nick

OP posts:
RonaldMcDonald · 03/02/2014 11:40

ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

QueenofKelsingra · 03/02/2014 11:41

you can strip away all the bits about not before the official photos, no before the evening guests have arrived to see everything etc, even forget its a wedding - it is perfectly ok to not want pictures of you being put in a public forum you have no control over whatever the situation or occasion. if people want to post photos of themselves that all and sundry can see that is up to them but they shouldn't make that decision for other people.

you can always look at the extreme case of what if one of your guests is in hiding from an abusive ex or similar, a seemingly innocuous photo could lead them into lots of trouble.

Piggytastic · 03/02/2014 11:41

YANBU
we're not even on fb ourselves and we later found out that a few guests had posted our pictures and video of our first dance on fb. We had someone come up to us a few months later who we hardly knew who had seen all the pics! It really annoyed us!

CosyTeaBags · 03/02/2014 11:41

I've seen this last year - a friend of my friend's is incredibly private.

Saw on Facebook some pictures that this friend's brother had posted, of what appeared to be his wedding. My friend knew nothing about the event at all. The friend visited him the next day to tell him that he and his (now wife) had decided to go for a last minute registry office wedding and only invited immediate family.

How sad that his 'announcement' was completely gazumped by his insensitive brother plastering the event all over facebook.

newyearhere · 03/02/2014 11:41

If it were free, would anyone print out Polaroids of someone else's wedding and send them to all their friends by courier during the ceremony/reception without even asking the couple? Unfortunately, FB makes the online equivalent too easy.

KingRollo · 03/02/2014 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PavlovtheCat · 03/02/2014 11:44

Yanbu. I never ever put photos up on Facebook of anyone who is not on Facebook, or their children, and would never put up photos of a wedding, birth etc before those in question have said I could/before they have copies of so those photos themselves.

eurochick · 03/02/2014 11:47

I'd think it was incredibly precious, tbh. If you asked it of me, I would respect your wishes, but I would be inwardly rolling my eyes.

Loads of guests put up pics of our wedding very quickly. Some with "amusing" captions about me and my husband. We took it all in good humour, which was how it was intended. We didn't get our official photos back until about a month after the wedding. I put a few on fb, but I expect most people had lost interest by that point. BTW, some of the guest photos are my favourites. I set up a Dropbox and asked people to drop their photos their so I could have them too and some of them are brilliant.

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 11:48

King

Hardly, if I were I'd rather like having my face all over Internet wouldn't i Grin

OP posts:
newyearhere · 03/02/2014 11:48

KingRollo people shouldn't have to be well-known for their friends to treat them with courtesy.

EllaFitzgerald · 03/02/2014 11:48

I don't understand why you'd even need to explain what the issue is. It should be sufficient just to ask people not to plaster pictures of your wedding all over the internet.

It's akin to a non FB user criticising/ridiculing someone's choice to put photos of one of their occasions on the internet and asking them for an explanation of why on earth they'd want to do that? Isn't it enough for someone to simply want some privacy?

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 11:49

Also to those who think it wills be unreasonable to ask - why?

OP posts:
MrsMoon76 · 03/02/2014 11:53

YADNBU. The last few family weddings I was at there was a polite request not to put pics of the B&G on fb until they had at least seen their own weddings pics. No one minded at all. I am actually careful of posting pics of others in general anyway.

We got married 18 months ago and there were fb photos up before I even walked into the church. FB saw me before my DH did. Now that didn't really bother me but I know it bothers others which is why the last few cousins since then have asked that they not be on fb.