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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask people not to put photos of my wedding on Facebook etc?

149 replies

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2014 09:57

It's a few months off and just a passing thought.

I've noticed that people do tend to put photos on Facebook etc throughout the day when attending weddings.

Would I be massively unreasonable to ask people not to do this?

OP posts:
dumbanddumberer · 03/02/2014 13:53

If it will really bother you let people know. One of my closest friends posted details on her fb about my 2nd child who had just been born and that really annoyed me and still does. However, I didn't think to ask the first people to know not to post on fb, so perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised when other people knew already. Fb addiction has legitimised thunder-stealing, many people find it too tempting to be first to post.

TheListingAttic · 03/02/2014 14:04

We asked people not to put photos of our wedding on Facebook because some people who didn't make the guest list cut were, shall we say, not disabused of their assumption that it was a much smaller wedding than it actually was. There were a bunch of people we couldn't/didn't particularly want to invite, who would have been varying levels of miffed to not be invited except they were under the impression it was a very small immediate family only affair. We asked people not to splash things all over Facebook to show them who had made the cut, when they hadn't!

People were perfectly fine about it. (To be fair, given the demographic of guest who was there, it only affected about 20 or so people who might otherwise have put things on Facebook as a matter of course.)

justgirl · 03/02/2014 14:04

I'm not sure. I think people shouldn't put photos up but at the same time my brothers wife made the lady marrying them ask people not too before the vows and i found extremely crass.

MistressDeeCee · 03/02/2014 14:34

YANBU. Id hate the thought of wedding pics on FB. When my DSis got married 2 years ago pics were on FB immediately after ceremony, uploaded from phones. We did ask that FB pics be taken down. People can put up pics of themselves if they want to, but not others, I feel. FB has caused people to invade privacy in so many ways, its madness.

purplebaubles · 03/02/2014 14:41

We asked our vicar to politely ask that cameras/mobiles/ipads were not used in the church during the ceremony, and to wait until we got outside before taking photos.

I think this is perfectly acceptable. It also ensured that our paid photographer was able to get nice photos of guests smiling and paying attention etc, and not just of guests buried with their faces in their phones etc snapping away.

However, you wouldn't believe the grief we got for it Hmm (comments even made apparently from some relatives as I was walking down the aisle along the lines of, who the hell does she think she is!)

Far too many people these days are obsessed with taking photos and updating their social media status instead of just enjoying the moment. It's so sad.

falulahthecat · 03/02/2014 14:42

IneedAwittierNickname Shock That person needs a reality check. Including the part where she learns how to live in reality

Scholes34 · 03/02/2014 14:46

Perhaps we'll start to have fewer big showy weddings if people are getting concerned about what the wider public beyond the immediate guest list might think?

ArsePaste · 03/02/2014 14:54

I got married recently, I loved being able to see the pics immediately. One of the FB pics is now the "cover" of my FB page, it's such a nice one. And it was nice for the people who couldn't make it to be able to feel part of the day as it was happening, as well.

Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, innit? I do not understand why MN hates FB so much, there's room for both.

givemeaclue · 03/02/2014 14:58

Kate Middleton was all over the news before she get through the church door. Hasn't done her any harm. I don't think you can tell people what to put on their own facebook

Annabelannabel · 03/02/2014 15:02

I don't think you are being unreasonable. One of my husbands sisters is Facebook friends with his ex, and put a load of our wedding pics in Facebook, meaning that his ex could see us on our wedding day. I felt uncomfortable about that. That's one of the things that I hate about Facebook, that people who you wouldn't show your pics to, inevitably get to see them anyway

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 03/02/2014 15:05

We had loads of mobile phone ones etc before the official ones came back and people were posting things like "Is that it? We want more!" etc. Confused DH put a joke comment up saying "The official ones are still being edited since it takes a while to make me look normal Wink" but I still thought it was pretty rude. Also meant most people had lost interest by the time we put the official ones on!

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 03/02/2014 15:06

And yy to the ex thing. My ex "liked" one of our pictures presumably through a connection with one of the guests as they were set as visible only to friends of people tagged.

TheVictorian · 03/02/2014 15:28

op i can see your point of view. another point of view with people taking photos of your wedding is that it gives you a lot more different photos of your wedding day. rather than just having one photographer and taking a chance on the quality of the photos if you have lots of people taking them then it gives you more photos of your wedding.

JennySense · 03/02/2014 15:49

I've heard of a groom seeing his bride before she arrived thanks to a bridesmaid posting photos on fb of her getting ready in her dress!

TheKitchenWitch · 03/02/2014 15:56

But what was the groom doing checking Facebook just before he walked down the aisle?!

squoosh · 03/02/2014 15:58

Exactly, why was he on facebook?

The world needs to get off facebook!

FloweryFeatureWall · 03/02/2014 15:59

Can you imagine the world without facebook?

CosyTeaBags · 03/02/2014 16:14

another point of view with people taking photos of your wedding is that it gives you a lot more different photos of your wedding day. rather than just having one photographer and taking a chance on the quality of the photos if you have lots of people taking them then it gives you more photos of your wedding

Yes, that's lovely. But they don't have to post them on facebook. There are other ways of sharing pictures.

My friend sent an email around her friends who were invited to her parent's house the day after her wedding, asking that everyone bring their camera usb cables or SD cards so that we could all download our pics onto her computer for her to go through. I thought that was a great idea.

I think people are confusing the issue of guests taking photos - which is fine, and guests sharing those photos on social media before the bride and groom get to share their own pics - which isn't fine.

pianodoodle · 03/02/2014 16:23

YANBU

It wouldn't occur to me to post someone else's wedding pictures at least not before they'd had a chance to post their own if they wanted to.

A few days after our wedding (we didn't go on honeymoon) I thought I'd put some pictures up and logged in to find someone else already had - not bad ones but not the ones I would have picked myself!

It did feel strange although I didn't say anything.

Cravey · 03/02/2014 16:35

You can ask I suppose but I doubt very much if anyone would take any notice. Nothing you can do really. Except ban guests with cameras.

MistressDeeCee · 03/02/2014 17:47

I agree with Cosy, there are other ways of sharing photos; there was life before FB. Im on there but dont have any pics up, as i dont want to. I wouldnt put up pics of other people either, Id feel strange doing that. It does seem as though many use FB to show off every miniscule detail of their lives, including showing every event/venue theyve been to, & it doesnt matter if you'd prefer not to have your photo up - FB seems to be an essential these days and its a real shame.

TheVictorian · 03/02/2014 18:07

Cosy Thats a good point of view.

PorkPieandPickle · 03/02/2014 18:11

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want photos to be posted before your evening guests arrive, but unfortunately, if you ask this, it does come across as precious. I went to a wedding where this was asked and everyone was rolling their eyes a bit!!

On the flip side, you'll (hopefully!) be enjoying yourself and far too involved in the moment to know or care whether any photos are being posted on Facebook!!

And you may change your mind the next day- waiting for official photos is a long time. The day after my wedding we were so excited when each and every photo was posted as we got to relive moments of the day.

People with manners will ask if it's ok first and not post any crap photos of you. I guess it depends who is invited to your wedding!!!

I was kinda touched that people took time out of their busy lives the next day to upload my wedding photos so I could see some- I guess some people just have total opposite viewpoints!!!

TheCraicDealer · 03/02/2014 18:38

Like squoosh, it wouldn't occur to me to post pictures on the day but if I saw a note requesting "no pictures please", I'd think the bride was getting on like a knob. It smacks of Ken Livingstone asking the press to respect his family's privacy when his DP was having one of their kids a few years ago, and the tabloids were like, "....she was pregnant?".

And a lot of people here seem to be bothered mostly about not having to option to screen photos of themselves before they're posted- darlings, as Amy Poehler says, "nobody looks stupid when they're having fun".

60sname · 03/02/2014 18:41

I went to one last year where the social media ban was beautifully observed... But that was for security reasons; the bride is famous in her native country, and there were several foreign and Uk dignitaries there.

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