Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2 year old going to MIL alone for the weekend - 200 miles away

266 replies

TooSweetToBeWholesome · 02/02/2014 23:00

MIL and DH are keen for DS to visit MIL and her partner for entire weekends, without his parents and just on his own. DS is two. AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this? He cannot talk yet. The plan involves meeting MIL half way up the motorway and handing him over at a service station to MIL for the weekend.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 23:01

Why is she so keen to have him on her own?

Sounds a bit odd really

Squeakygate · 02/02/2014 23:02

No.
Yanbu

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 02/02/2014 23:02

If you're not comfortable then it shouldn't happen.

Pigsmummy · 02/02/2014 23:03

Nope, I wouldn't let my two year old do this

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/02/2014 23:03

Why. All seems a bit odd.

exexpat · 02/02/2014 23:03

I wouldn't. If MiL lives that far away, presumably your DS doesn't see her that often - it would be like handing him over to a virtual stranger, and you wouldn't be able to go and fetch him quickly if he got ill or upset. I would be very reluctant to allow solo visits that far away until about school age.

It would be different if they were living within easy driving distance (30 mins or so), when you could build up gradually with daytime visits and then a single overnight stay etc.

Oakmaiden · 02/02/2014 23:04

I don't know if it is a matter of being "unreasonable" to feel uncomfortable.

On the one hand - weekends away with his Grandmother will be a lovely thing for him, and he is old enough that many children can do so happily.

On the other hand - if you are feeling uncomfortable about it, then that is how you are feeling. Can you pinpoint why you feel this way? Does he know his Grandmother well? Do you trust her?

HauntedNoddyCar · 02/02/2014 23:05

God, no. Yanbu.

canyou · 02/02/2014 23:05

how verbal is he and can she understand him at all times? If not it would be unfair on both of them esp if she is not a constant in his day to day life until he is older.
Could you go up with him and have a weekend of nights out cinema with MIl babysitting?
200 miles from an upset toddler at 2am is in my mind to far awat

Original poster
TooSweetToBeWholesome · 02/02/2014 23:06

I don't know why she wants to have him alone. It is sometimes described as "giving you a break" but not sure why this cannot happen in our place or her place with the parents present. I feel uncomfortable with it and don't know why or cannot assert myself on why. DH is very keen.

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 02/02/2014 23:07

No chance would I be OK with this.

How well do you know her "partner"?

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 02/02/2014 23:08

YANBU
You don't have to do it either - or be pressured into it.
He's too young unless he knows her very well indeed,

CharleyFarnsbarns · 02/02/2014 23:09

No way could I do this. Feeling panicky at just the thought of it. Could you compromise by staying with them so you can go out for dinner/the day with your DH?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 02/02/2014 23:09

Why is your DH so keen to do something that is going to upset you and goes against your instincts as a mother?

Just say he's not going and that's the end of it.

Your MIL doesn't get a say in how your kid is raised.

Your DH doesn't get to ship your son out of the house for days at a time without your agreement.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 02/02/2014 23:09

Bugger your DH tbh.

Ragusa · 02/02/2014 23:09

It is not necessarily sinister, PP. However, if you don't feel comfortable OP no-one shoukd be pressuring you.

Slipshodsibyl · 02/02/2014 23:10

He is far too young for this. What a strange idea.

NomNomDePlum · 02/02/2014 23:10

nope, wouldn't allow it. two is tiny, he's not verbal, and i can't understand why people allow their desire to see a child to over ride the real likelihood that the child will find being abandoned by their primary carer for an extended period anything other than distressing.

Original poster
TooSweetToBeWholesome · 02/02/2014 23:10

I know the partner as well as I know her. But the partner has adult children who come and go too. They are both nice, caring etc. The two year old really cannot verbalise much.

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 02/02/2014 23:11

It's probably not sinister.

But the OP doesn't think he's old enough for this kind of visit yet, so that should be the end of it.

Thetallesttower · 02/02/2014 23:12

My children went to stay with one of their grandparents for the week aged 5 and 7- this was a grandparent who they didn't see regularly, so it was later than say for my mum who saw them all the time.

I don't think there's anything sinister in GP's wanting to look after the children on their own, it is quite different taking a child out when you are in charge and get to do all the fun stuff like get nice food in for them, plan trips, do bedtime stories- if parents are around then the parents always end up in charge or being the default carers. But it has to be the right age for the children and I would find 2 a bit young unless she saw him a lot and given the distance, I wouldn't find it relaxing at that age.

Original poster
TooSweetToBeWholesome · 02/02/2014 23:12

She is quite a strong personality and DH seems anxious to please at times.

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 02/02/2014 23:13

how about just, "it doesn't feel right" - you don't have to have a reason, but basically, the reason is imo it's too far away so if anything went wrong - for a very minor example let's say dc didn't settle that night. You can't just nip and get them. Your dc could be upset and wanting you for hours and you wouldn't get told about it, or you would and couldn't be straight there.

Also, if you feel mil is being a bit grabby with your baby/toddler, it does put you on edge. She's had her turn with her own kids - this one ain't hers!

FryOneFatManic · 02/02/2014 23:14

Right, DP and I did plan to leave our then 18mth old DD with my parents while we had a weekend away (rare). But that fell through due to mum being ill and DD came along with us.

But the only reason we would have left DD is because my parents live 5 mins away from us and have always played a large part in her life. She knows them well.

How well can a 2 yr old know a grandparent who lives 200 miles away? And how well would they grandparent know the child?

I would not have been happy leaving DD with my parents in that situation. 200 miles away when they don't know the child well? No way would I agree to that.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 02/02/2014 23:15

Wait until you get another couple of dozen YANBU and then show him this thread. I've a feeling there won't be many YABUs Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread