2 year old going to MIL alone for the weekend - 200 miles away

[TooSweetToBeWholesome]

MIL and DH are keen for DS to visit MIL and her partner for entire weekends, without his parents and just on his own. DS is two. AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this? He cannot talk yet. The plan involves meeting MIL half way up the motorway and handing him over at a service station to MIL for the weekend.

DH seems anxious to please at times.

Maybe he needs to concentrate on pleasing his wife and the mother of his child rather than his ma, when it comes to parenting decisions?

Your son is a toddler. He is not old enough to understand what is going on when you and his father disappear out of his life for several days while he is in an unfamiliar place.

I would never agree to a visit like this for a two year old.

I don't think I'd be happy with it, although it depends on how well your dc knows them.

She asked to take him on hols when he was one year old. I thought this a bit much and said no.

I was left with a grandmother I hardly knew, for a few days, aged 7. It was traumatic, I just wanted my mum and my home, I felt line I was with strangers & had been dumped.

I wouldn't let mine go.

You don't need to explain or justify yourself. Children are not commodities to lend out for people to play at parenting. Two is really little. If you don't think he is familiar enough with them that he won't feel lost or worried at any stage, then say no.

Plenty of time for this sort of thing in the future, when he is old enough to be involved in the decision to go.

He will be very distressed as he cannot know them well. It mught be a bit different if they lived near and saw him very often.

He sees them every few months and doesn't know them that well in my opinion. Thanks for the clarification.

I wouldn't unless she knew him very well (saw her every week, that type of thing). It just sounds a bit dodgy - why doesn't she want you folks too?

God no.

"He's not ready for that, sorry" and repeat.

Wanted to take away at one year old?

Now, it does strike me she wants to play "mummy".

My own mum is very close to the kids, but out and out said occasional overnights fine, but nothing more until the DCs were old enough to look after themselves.

The most they've been away has been 5 nights in a holiday home with my parents, aged 7 and 11, when they could get themselves breakfast and largely wash/dress/etc.

I refused to let him go on hols with them, aged 1.5 and the partner had a go at me!

Stand your ground. If your DS is only seeing them every few months, then at his age, he doesn't know them at all. Being without either of his parents will distress him, he simply will not understand that it's only temporary.

I think the age at which you allow this can't be before he's old enough to tell you whether or not he wants to go.

No way! If she wants to have him for short periods, it needs to be built up gradually. First with you there and then for short periods without you. If your son doesn't know her and you hand him over at the service station for the weekend he will feel like he has been abandoned.

I have twin boys and they went to stay with my mum individually at a similar age. 16 years later we still talk about it - they can't really remember but love hearing the tales.

Why is your partner being such a dick about this?

Your son is a person, not a toy.

I have to tell my children that about their baby sibling, but I would be pretty pissed off if I had to remind DH.

Oh blimey, no way Hosea. YADNBU.

I'd tear bloody strips off my dp if he had a go at me for that! >>disclaimer, I am not with father of dcs

It's quite cruel I think: if he only sees them every few months then he won't remember them from one visit to the rest. Poor little thing will think he's been abandoned with strangers. Horrible.
You MiL needs to realise that your child is a person with feelings, not a toy for her amusement.

I think OP meant that the MIL's DP had a go at her.

Perhaps if MiL and her DP don't have children as a couple, they want to play happy families with OP's baby. Why is your DH keen to go along with this?

No way.

I think OP meant that the MIL's DP had a go at her.

OMG, I see that now.

That's better in one way, because at least her DH isn't a total twat.

But kind of scary in another way.

Fuck, in that case I would NEVER let him go to them on his own.

I'd just hope that eventually MIL saw sense and dumped him.

I think you can just say that he's never been away from you and you feel it's not the right time for him or yourself. Add that it wouldn't matter where he was going, or who to, you just couldn't do it.

Another one saying not a chance.

Your DH needs to make sure he's keen to please the right person IMO.

Knock this nonsense on the head. Sit your DH down and EXPLAIN in very clear language that

• he is two and cannot verbalise- until he can talk, you are not keen on having no idea whether he is happy or not being away from his primary carers for extended periods of time;

• he does not know them well enough for them to even begin to approach primary carer status;

• you saying no and your MIL's partner 'having a go' does not come within the ballpark of their motivation being 'to give you a break'. Clarity here: they want to play mummies and daddies, this is for THEIR benefit, not yours - they can stop with the pretending and DEFINITELY stop with the attitude. Whether all this can eventually be for your son's benefit remains to be seen - if they are prepared to make the effort to visit regularly and spend time with your DS WITH HIS FAMILY WHERE HE FEELS SECURE then great, if they don't want to do that, but want to whip him off when it's likely he'll be anxious, then they don't give a shit about him. So they can swivel, and your DH can either man up and tell them that politely OR you will step up and make it clear far less politely.

• you really, really hope his own DAD gives more of a shit about his son's peace of mind than his mother's selfish whims. Over to him.