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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paid bar at christening?

209 replies

Littleturkish · 19/01/2014 16:53

I think you cannot have a paid bar at a christening, DH thinks you can.

I've never ever heard of it, and would rather have a smaller party and invite less people. He thinks it's fine and I'm being ridiculous. DH agrees we won't do it as I feel so strongly about it- but I wanted to check I am right on this- have you ever heard of a paid bar at a christening and what would you think if you went to a christening that did this?

OP posts:
HaymitchAbarnathy · 19/01/2014 16:55

Are christenings about drinking then? I always thought it was some kind of a religious ceremony. Amazing what you learn on mumsnet.

Gruffalump · 19/01/2014 16:55

Not that unusual at all to have a paid bar...

NoArmaniNoPunani · 19/01/2014 16:56

It would depend where it's being held. I don't think you can have a paid bar in a church hall unless they have a license. If you're hiring a room over a pub or something then I think a paid bar is fine

Gruffalump · 19/01/2014 16:56

I think of Christenings as a family party, so I supposed it depends on your family...

FredFredGeorge · 19/01/2014 16:57

Of course it's fine to have a paid bar, sure if you want lots of people to turn up to your religious ceremony getting them drunk is probably the only way. For the people who want to turn up won't care if they have to buy their own drinks, they're there for the religious bit.

ShadowFall · 19/01/2014 16:58

Depends where the christening is.

Last one we went to had a reception afterwards in a local working mens club with a paid bar.

Bunbaker · 19/01/2014 16:58

I have never been to a christening that wasn't held at the house afterwards so I don't know what the rules are. We had a small gathering who came back to ours for a buffet lunch. We had some fizz and wine, but as most people were driving I made loads of tea as well.

An after christening party needn't be a big bash - just immediate family and godparents.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 19/01/2014 16:59

Are christenings about drinking then? I always thought it was some kind of a religious ceremony. Amazing what you learn on mumsnet.
Urgh, what a knobbish, snotty post.

OP, I think you can. If the event were in a club or similar venue, I would expect to pay for drinks.

Mintyy · 19/01/2014 17:00

No, I think it sounds really naff.

SockPinchingMonster · 19/01/2014 17:02

Every christening I've ever been to has had a paid bar - in fact I've never been to a wedding/christening or any other such celebration that has had a free bar . Are you in the UK? Wouldn't say free bars were the norm over here.

HaymitchAbarnathy · 19/01/2014 17:03

Most people on mumsnet (and in real life) who have christenings aren't regular churchgoers or in many cases even faintly religious. It just always strikes me as a load of nonsense and an excuse for a big piss up

Ziggyzoom · 19/01/2014 17:06

I would expect a cup of tea, I would be secretly thrilled if I was offered a glass of fizz and if there was a bar I'd happily pay for lots of drinks.

HermioneWeasley · 19/01/2014 17:07

I thought it was tea and cake afterwards?

bunchoffives · 19/01/2014 17:09

I think HaymitchAbarnathy first post was right and amusing not snotty.

You could compromise and pay for one or two drinks OP, tot up the number of guests and average cost of 2 drinks and put that behind the bar and then tell your guests.

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2014 17:10

I've only ever been to Christenings that were family and close friends kind of events.

So it was a small buffet and wine back at the house.

I wouldn't expect a paid bar.

Mintyy · 19/01/2014 17:11

I've never been to a christening party in a bar! Afaiac a christening is a religious ceremony which takes place during the day and most people expect tea and a sandwich and at the very most one glass of champagne afterwards. I expect that makes me desperately middle class.

Livvylongpants · 19/01/2014 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrNick · 19/01/2014 17:11

how legless re people planning to get?

at a christening?!

Hegsy · 19/01/2014 17:14

Never been to a christening that wasn't a paid bar. Sure the family may buy 1 or 2 drinks but otherwise pay for your own and as it's a christening most people only have a few or stick to soft drinks.

As for the knobby response about christenings being pass ups in my family/friend circle it's an opportunity to introduce baby to the church and to extended family and friends and for everyone to catch up.

I love christenings and weddings

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 19/01/2014 17:15

Nobody would suggest it makes you "desperately middle class" Mintyy, because that would be rude, so I'm not sure why it's ok to call another way of doing things "naff."
I tend to avoid all religious ceremonies these says, but i attended one a while back where after the service we all trotted back to the mum's parents' pub and we all had a really lovely afternoon.

dontcallmemam · 19/01/2014 17:18

I don't get how you can be bothered to arrange a shin dig with a newish baby? I could barely arrange sandwiches & a piece of cake for my DCs christenings, never mind a big party.

squoosh · 19/01/2014 17:19

I'm desperately middle class and have been to all sorts of christenings, some of which had a gathering in a pub function room afterwards. Imagine that!

And yes it was a paid bar, and and yes they're regular church goers, and no it wasn't a piss up.

Sparklymommy · 19/01/2014 17:20

Totally get this argument, had a similar one when dd1 was a baby!

To me a christening is not about drinking, and therefore my first two children had parties in the church hall, buffet done by us and a small glass of sparkling wine to toast the child. Other than that teas and coffees and soft drinks only. No paid bars!

Dc3's godparents own a pub so they did the buffet in their function room. Therefore there was a paid bar. Much to my chargrin! But then they very kindly did a lovely buffet free of charge so I got over it. And no one got silly.

Dc4 I believe we reverted back to the church hall. Personally I preferred the church hall events, they just felt more personal to me. But the one in the pub was less work for me as they provided the buffet.

Topaz25 · 19/01/2014 17:20

I think it's ok to have a paid bar, it's about the occasion not the alcohol at the end of the day, so it would be a shame not to invite some of your loved ones just because you can't buy them all drinks! I'm sure they would rather be there to celebrate with you.

MrsOakenshield · 19/01/2014 17:21

well, we had the after-party, as it were, back at ours where we provided food and drink (but we just had grand- and godparents), so on that basis a paid bar is fine. How massive a do are you having?