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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paid bar at christening?

209 replies

Littleturkish · 19/01/2014 16:53

I think you cannot have a paid bar at a christening, DH thinks you can.

I've never ever heard of it, and would rather have a smaller party and invite less people. He thinks it's fine and I'm being ridiculous. DH agrees we won't do it as I feel so strongly about it- but I wanted to check I am right on this- have you ever heard of a paid bar at a christening and what would you think if you went to a christening that did this?

OP posts:
Oriunda · 19/01/2014 19:29

We had more guests at DS' (catholic) baptism than our wedding! Will be the same for his first communion and confirmation ie sit down meal after the church but hopefully on a smaller scale.

KongKickeroo · 19/01/2014 19:30

IMO if you're hosting a party (christening party, wedding reception, whatever) you should provide some sort of food (not necessarily a full meal) and some sort of drink (not necessarily alcoholic) - soft drinks are absolutely fine. Why not set it up so you fund any juice/tea/coffee etc consumed, plus a welcome glass of sparkling wine if you wish, and anyone who wants additional alcohol can buy it?

Latara you're not wrong, we just had the ceremony, and so do many other people at my church. I've nothing against christening parties, but the thought of organising one with a newborn brought me out in a cold sweat Grin

LaGuardia · 19/01/2014 19:31

A pay bar or a paid bar? The two meanings are very different.

peggyundercrackers · 19/01/2014 19:32

We didn't have a paid bar but did buy the first 2 drinks for everyone and had a buffet - we had a little party at a local hotel and it was only family and very close friends who came back, there was 31 people who came back. We could have had 31 at the house but we didn't fancy doing the catering nor the cleaning up afterwards.

Bunbaker · 19/01/2014 19:57

"Yes, I'd imagine most folk if they were invited to a do at a pub or such would bring their purse."

If it was in a pub yes I would. I was just talking about christenings in general though. Until reading on here I never knew so many people made such a big deal about christenings.

starlight1234 · 19/01/2014 20:00

My Ds was christened last year..We went to pub I paid for meal for everyone and they provided there bought there own ..I went to a christening a couple of minths before that with a couple of jugs of Pimms and meal paid for.

edwinbear · 19/01/2014 20:03

ds christening we had a buffet in a reserved section of a local restaurant afterwards, we paid for the drinks, dd christening we had a buffet at home with wine and fizz, (which we obviously paid for) but we had max 15 people at each so it wasn't a huge expense, especially as after a 10am service it's around 11.30am on a sunday and even the most hard nosed drinkers aren't up to getting legless at 11.30am on a sunday (in my personal experience) but each to their own.

willowking · 19/01/2014 20:08

Nope! Not with my family! I'd have to remortgage!

Personally I like tea/coffee sandwiches and cake but then I don't drink! I had a free bar for the first hour at my wedding and people really milked it and half were hammered by 8.30.

DrNick · 19/01/2014 20:09

i am of the opinion that you cut your cloth

if you cant afford to pay for drinks then sort it out.
At my wedding we had a venue that let my parents provide wine that they had got on a booze cruise to Calais.

ah those were the days

zoezebraspartydress · 19/01/2014 20:48

I'm confused by this thread as to what a paid bar actually is. To me, it means a free bar where drinks are already paid for. Half the replies seem to think the same, the other half seem to think a "paid bar" = a bar where you buy your own drinks??

I've never been to a wedding, Christening or any other party with a free bar, sometimes a glass of something provided on arrival, but not everything paid for. Usually, guests pay for own drinks at the bar.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 19/01/2014 20:56

I thought an open bar was one with drinks paid for by the hosts and a pay bar one where you pay for your own drinks.

ComposHat · 19/01/2014 20:58

YABU unless they are charging for the booze at the communion.

Butkin · 19/01/2014 21:04

We had a marquee in our garden after DD's christening and supplied food and drink. Every other christening we've been to was similar - many just in people's houses - except for a couple which have been held in community halls. In all circumstances the guests weren't expected to pay for anything.

lilyaldrin · 19/01/2014 21:07

We had a naming ceremony not a christening - it was in a community hall, and while he provided a buffet with soft drinks, the community centre ran their own bar too.

Wasn't a problem as far as I know!

Joysmum · 19/01/2014 21:15

Yay, paid bar for the family and friends at the party afterwards. Great thing to do if you can afford it.

LittleBabyPigsus · 19/01/2014 21:22

Zoe IMO a paid bar = a cash bar, aka the opposite of a free bar? YMMV obviously.

DrNick · 19/01/2014 21:24

what is ymvv?

JackNoneReacher · 19/01/2014 21:40

Most christenings I've been to have been at peoples houses (not huge, just with 60 people rammed into a few rooms/garden with a load of Sainsbury's sarnies) with some tea and wine.

In a pub I'd expect to pay for my own drinks. But either way would be fine. Might be nice to get your guests a drink, especially if they'd travelled to be there.

There are no fixed rules, just do what feels right and consider if your guests have had to get up early/stay over to be there.

x2boys · 19/01/2014 21:43

at the do after the chtistening I presume I went to my aunty and uncles golden wedding celebration last week there was a paid bar and the point is?

ComposHat · 19/01/2014 21:44

Yes we briefly thought about having a free bar at our wedding, until we remember we lived in Scotland and the bar bill at a Scottish wedding would leave us with a debt the size of the Greek and Irish governments combined.

x2boys · 19/01/2014 21:45

oh just read another comment it might have been an open bar our drinks wee paid for anyway

HaroldLloyd · 19/01/2014 21:45

Was it a paid bar, a free bar, or a pay bar.

DrNick · 19/01/2014 21:45

or a carambar?

BrandyAlexander · 19/01/2014 21:47

We did the receptions for the christenings for both dcs at our house. We had about 100 guests each time and bought loads of alcohol first time round. As it was a Sunday and most people had work the next day, we had so much booze left. We learned our lesson for dc2. I do remember that on both occasions people ate a lot!

Mellowandfruitful · 19/01/2014 21:51

Clearly people use different terms but for me the difference is between a pay bar = people pay for their own drinks, vs. free bar where the hosts kindly subsidise things so that drinks are free (possibly for a certain amount of time/up to a particular budget).

DS's christening do, after the church, was at a gastro pub (pleased to see other people did this too!) and we paid for the food for everyone but they got their drinks, so pay bar. No problem with this whatsoever. As someone said earlier, it is one of MN's more unworldly tenets that the hosts of any function must apparently be able to pay for all drinks for everyone all night (on the city bankers' thread, maybe...)

As someone else said earlier, I don't notice anyone saying you shouldn't drink after a wedding if it's been a religious ceremony. It is perfectly possible Shock to have a religious service and follow that with a more secular get together to celebrate the child's arrival and place in the family/community, in a way even heathen godless types can enjoy Wink.

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