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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paid bar at christening?

209 replies

Littleturkish · 19/01/2014 16:53

I think you cannot have a paid bar at a christening, DH thinks you can.

I've never ever heard of it, and would rather have a smaller party and invite less people. He thinks it's fine and I'm being ridiculous. DH agrees we won't do it as I feel so strongly about it- but I wanted to check I am right on this- have you ever heard of a paid bar at a christening and what would you think if you went to a christening that did this?

OP posts:
TravellingToad · 19/01/2014 17:25

I agree with HaymitchAbarnathy

I don't think a paid bar sends out the right message about welcoming god into your lives or whatever it's meant to be a religious ceremony not a free for all drinking party.

scaevola · 19/01/2014 17:25

I'd expect a Christening to be in the morning and followed by buffet in the Church hall or similar (which might be the local pub). Champagne is always nice for a toast, but it's more of a tea and cakes type event than a major drinking occasion.

So yes, I think it's fine if guests who want more to drink nip off to the bar if they want to supplement what is provided with more or stronger.

SauvignonBlanche · 19/01/2014 17:26

I've been to ones with a paid bar, mostly I've been back to people's houses.
My cousin had to have both hers at hotels as she lives overseas and she had a free bar, I remember being pleasantly surprised the first time.

I believe the OP is referring to the gathering post ceremony HaymitchAbarnathy rather than a piss-up round the font.

jamdonut · 19/01/2014 17:26

Only christenings I've ever been to were either back to the house for a family "party" ,or in a little Sports and Social club with a bar where everyone paid for their own drinks. Loads of children about, so no-one went overboard.

WooWooOwl · 19/01/2014 17:26

Of course you can have a paid bar at christening, why on earth do you think otherwise?

You are hosting people, and buying your guests a drink is a perfectly normal thing to do.

I find it more weird when people invite you to celebrate something with them and then don't even offer a drink.

SauvignonBlanche · 19/01/2014 17:28

It depends upon your religious persuasion TravellingToad.

CaffeinatedKitten · 19/01/2014 17:31

I've only ever been to christnings/baptisms where you have tea and cake after. I don't get why a bar would be necessary, but I don't get why God is necessary either so I'm not best placed to offer a decent view on this!:o

MrsOakenshield · 19/01/2014 17:33

People do understand that the OP isn't suggesting that the actual christening takes place in licensed premises, don't they? Why on earth can't you have food and drinks after the service? What has that got to do with anything? We had a lovely party at home after DD's christening, it was the first time that FIL and MIL had met each others post-divorce partners and they got on very well, but I'm sure the champagne helped things along a bit! DD was on excellent form (she was 20 months) and it was really lovely.

newyearhere · 19/01/2014 17:33

Most churches don't have a bar inside them, do they? So no, you don't have a bar "at a Christening".

You can do what you like at any get-together you have afterwards though.

scaevola · 19/01/2014 17:36

"I find it more weird when people invite you to celebrate something with them and then don't even offer a drink."

Agree. Once you're beyond the BYOB parties of student years and early 20s, if you invite people to gatherings at times when it's usual to eat and drink then you provide food and drink. But that doesn't mean limitless supplies of alcohol. A pay bar as a supplement to, not complete substitute for, provision by the hosts, can work at many occasions.

StickyFloor · 19/01/2014 17:38

I couldn't cope with organising the party after our twins' christening so we hired a room above a pub. Even though we only had about 40 people who were all close family and friends I couldn't fit them in at home and had no time to be making cakes and sandwiches myself!

We paid for the room and buffet and guests bought their own drinks from the bar. Nobody seemed surprised or offended and we are all vair vair nice people.

ChristmasYoni · 19/01/2014 17:38

All the christenings iv been to has simply been the first drink paid for by the mother/father as a thankyou for coming, the rest were bought ourselves.

BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm · 19/01/2014 17:42

I don't really understand why you wouldn't have a bar at a party. But then I've never been to any sort of social gathering where alcohol wasn't served really. That way its left to each individual to choose whether or not they wish to drink.

And I don't really understand the relevance of it being a post religious ceremony party either. Is it not the norm to serve alcohol at a wedding reception??

SoulJacker · 19/01/2014 17:42

Of course you can have a paid bar at christening, why on earth do you think otherwise?

You are hosting people, and buying your guests a drink is a perfectly normal thing to do.

In the context of the OP I was reading paid bar as one where guests have to pay for their own drinks (i.e. the opposite of a free bar) not one that was paid for already, or have i got this the wrong way round.

perplexedpirate · 19/01/2014 17:43

I've been to a christianing in a pub and found it utterly cringeworthy.
A party at home is so much nicer if you insist on having one.

MrsOakenshield · 19/01/2014 17:45

do you assume that everyone has the space, perplexed? Or, if the baby is very young, the inclination to host a party?

How nice that you went as a guest and found their celebration cringeworthy Hmm.

NewtRipley · 19/01/2014 17:49

I have only been to christening where the reception part is at home. I can imagine one at a pub/hall but then if people wanted to drink they can buy their own. I think a glass of bubbly paid for by you would be a nice gesture, but no more than that.

I also think that the drinks should be low on the priority list at a christening.

SauvignonBlanche · 19/01/2014 17:51

I'm one of 5, DH is one of 6, all of our siblings have children so if just immediate family all get together its much more than a houseful.

insearchoftheFlumFlumTree · 19/01/2014 17:52

I have never been to a christening with any sort of bar, or where significant alcohol has been served (possibly the occasional glass of wine, but I really can't remember, and it certainly wouldn't have been missed). The ones I go to tend to be the service followed by tea and cake / a buffet lunch either at someone's home or in a church/ village hall.

XiCi · 19/01/2014 17:54

People suggesting a party at home must either have a very small circle of family and friends or huge houses. I had around 80 people at my dd's christening and there's no way I'd have the stress of a party in my own home for anything near that number.

Every christening I've ever been to has had a paid bar at the party afterwards.

NewtRipley · 19/01/2014 17:56

Is a paid bar paid for by the hosts?

I'm unclear

Viviennemary · 19/01/2014 17:57

It depends on where it's held. If it's in a pub hired room then a paid bar is probably the norm. People certainly won't expect you to pay for all their drinks.

DrNick · 19/01/2014 18:00

a pub function room - middle class?

i dont think so! Wink

BackforGood · 19/01/2014 18:01

Most christenings ive been to have either had the do in the church hall or at the family home. The couple ive been to in a club/place with a bar, then we bought own drinkss from the bar, as I would expect to do anywhere when thee is a bar. From memory the parents brought some fizz for a toast.

squoosh · 19/01/2014 18:01

Christening threads are rife with boring snobbery on MN, they seem to have overtaken weddings.