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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why ex is taking paternity leave?

286 replies

marleyandme2014 · 10/01/2014 21:59

Split with my ex shortly after finding out I was pregnant.

Not had much to do with him during the pregnancy - not once had him ask me if I needed anything for the baby etc which I feel is a bit off - however all of a sudden he is contacting me asking for my mat b1 form so that he can claim paternity leave!

I thought this was for fathers who would be spending their time with the newborn - not in this case though - he said quite blatantly that he wants to use the time to catch up with friends and buy a car.

So as not to drip feed, I am with my long term partner again now - pregnancy with ex not planned of course but me and my partner are very happy and he will be fully involved in her care and upbringing. We will be getting married in the summer.

AIBU in thinking he is unreasonable, or is this OK?

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 10/01/2014 22:00

Give the form to your DP and tell your ex to do one!

He is the one who will actually need it!

ThePinkOcelot · 10/01/2014 22:01

I wouldn't give him it. The whole point of paternity leave is to spend time at home with the baby and mother of said baby. As this certainly isn't his intention, he wouldn't be getting it. Cheeky git to ask!

MatriarchMommy · 10/01/2014 22:02

He just wants the holiday from work.

MooMa1d · 10/01/2014 22:02

I agree with Mamma! Your OH needs the form, not ex!

Broodymomma · 10/01/2014 22:03

Speechless!!

WhoNickedMyName · 10/01/2014 22:04

You really need to ask? Really?

Of course don't give him the form, it's for fathers who want to spend the time supporting their partners and bonding with their babies, not deadbeats who fancy some time off to catch up with their mates.

Original poster
marleyandme2014 · 10/01/2014 22:04

I should mention (sorry) - my partner doesn't need it as he is self employed anyway and so will just be taking time off to be with us without receiving 'paternity pay' as such.

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 10/01/2014 22:04

Are you having the baby during the world cup?

Perhaps he wants to catch up on the football with some pie and Bovril.

NinjaBunny · 10/01/2014 22:05

Er, no.

Sounds like your DP will need it.

He'll be the one taking care of you both!

Confused

If your ex wants a holiday he can take annual leave, surely?

MissMalteser · 10/01/2014 22:05

Hi is being beyond unreasonable! What did you say when he asked? I would be totally upfront and tell him the form was already In use by your dp, who actually wants to use it for its actual purpose

fedup21 · 10/01/2014 22:06

Of course he's being an arse! What have you replied?

MissMalteser · 10/01/2014 22:07

The fact your dp doesn't need it wouldn't change my mind one iota, tell him you're selling it on ebay and he can think if it as a contribution towards the baby :o

MeepMeepVrooooom · 10/01/2014 22:09

Tell him to take annual leave and a running jump

Original poster
marleyandme2014 · 10/01/2014 22:10

At first I said I would look into it an get back to him. I'm the sort of person who needs a bit of time to digest things o figure out my thoughts on the matter.

After thinking about it (and some reading up online) I told him I didn't feel comfortable giving him the form as he wouldn't be using the leave for its intended purpose.

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 10/01/2014 22:11

OP did he respond to your message?

Original poster
marleyandme2014 · 10/01/2014 22:12

I also wondered whether he has actually told his employers that we aren't together and he wouldn't be looking after the baby during his 'leave'. I asked him about this and he said they are fully aware of the situation. I somehow don't think he is telling the truth about that one.

Thank you everyone for your replies, good to know I'm not the only one to think he is taking the p.

OP posts:
Bloodyteenagers · 10/01/2014 22:12

Omg, sorry but that is so funny.
He really has a massive pair of balls.
I would text him and ask him if it was an early practical joke?

Mim78 · 10/01/2014 22:14

Do you have contact details for his employers? I would be tempted to contact them and let them know, especially if he asked again!

squoosh · 10/01/2014 22:18

Cheeky fucker!

I'd have laughed loudly in his face and told him a big fat 'NO'.

fedup21 · 10/01/2014 22:21

You have said no, haven't you? From your post, it sounds like you haven't?

Original poster
marleyandme2014 · 10/01/2014 22:23

To be honest I am tempted to contact his employers, if only to find out if he is lying about them knowing or not.

I know that would make me seem malicious so I probably wouldn't do it.

He is one of those who makes out they are holier than thou... So annoying.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 10/01/2014 22:25

OP-what have you says to him in reply?

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 10/01/2014 22:25

Tell him to piss off.

fedup21 · 10/01/2014 22:25

Said!

PervyMuskrat · 10/01/2014 22:27

Does he realise how shit statutory paternity pay is ? He may change his mind when he realises that it's not a fully paid holiday (unless his employer offers enhanced pay).

I'd point this out to him (and then tell him to fuck off anyway) Grin

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