To not understand why ex is taking paternity leave?

[marleyandme2014]

Split with my ex shortly after finding out I was pregnant.

Not had much to do with him during the pregnancy - not once had him ask me if I needed anything for the baby etc which I feel is a bit off - however all of a sudden he is contacting me asking for my mat b1 form so that he can claim paternity leave!

I thought this was for fathers who would be spending their time with the newborn - not in this case though - he said quite blatantly that he wants to use the time to catch up with friends and buy a car.

So as not to drip feed, I am with my long term partner again now - pregnancy with ex not planned of course but me and my partner are very happy and he will be fully involved in her care and upbringing. We will be getting married in the summer.

AIBU in thinking he is unreasonable, or is this OK?

You have up to 6 weeks to register the birth. Put it off for 4-5 weeks and then judge if it right to put him on the BC

OP's ex has to be there to put his name on BC, so theres no guarantee he would even show up to do it.

I wouldn't put him on the BC under any circumstances.

Access etc can be discussed.

Just don't give him the form. What an arse.

You have done the right thing in not giving him the mat b1 form.

I am not sure what I would do with the bc, you do not know him well enough to know if he is likely to hang around and be involved in dc life. However your dc must absolutely know who their biological father is.

It would worry me to put ex on bc, it is quite likely he will want nothing to do with dc, but he will automatically have rights if you put him on the certificate, he can still get those rights and access if he is genuinely interested in your child.

Don't be tempted to put dp on the birth certificate, even though that may seem very tempting, no matter how much of a deadbeat or arsehole they may be every child deserves to know who their biological father is

I wouldn't put him on. He may talk the talk now but see if he will actually go to the bother of claiming PR himself, especially when he realises about maintenance costs.

And I would ring the register office for last minute cancellations before you pop! You can still have a celebration in the summer.

I would put him on. He IS the father and a birth certificate is a work of fact not what you would like to be the truth.

Also tbh I wouldn't want the stigma for my child. Every time you open a bank account, apply for a passport etc.

As for leave. I would encourage him to take some and actually bond with his child.

As i said before, Marley might give him the opportunity to be on it, theres no guarantee, he'll show up, so Marley can only tell him the appointment, she cant put him on herself.

He can sign a declaration as well, which she can then take along on the day.

But will he sign it Super, Marley can only ask, the rest is up to him.

How thick is this man? Could he seriously ever have thought you would give him the form when he has told you he won't be using paternity leave for its proper purpose?

I am in fact just wondering whether he thinks he can use your refusal to get out of paying maintenance.

I'm not sure I'd give someone with ill intent the power to mess with my life or my child's life. You aren't excluding him from being a father by not putting him on the bc, but by putting him on it you're giving him the keys to mess up your child life.

If you don't trust him, don't put him in a position of trust.

Marley applying for parental responsibility through the courts is not cut and dried by any means and if he isn't already proving that he wants to do his best for the child then he is unlikely to get it so has he requested contact with the child and what do you have in writing about it. What has he stated re maintenance and again what do you have in writing. He needs to prove that being given pr is beneficial to the child only from what you've said he'll struggle with that. The claims he's made re maintenance would show him as being awkward and difficult and doing it to be difficult and thecourts wwould take a very dim view of that.

superscrimper the stigma? Really what century are you living in? You don't need a birth certificate to open a bank account.

I assume the first time you apply for a passport you must need one, I can't remember but after that all you need is the old passport. OP is more than likely going to be applying for a child's passport anyway.

I can't recall what you need for a new driving licence but you certainly don't need one to renew one. I think Passport Office and DVLA have better things to do.

Than care whether there are 2 parents on a birth certificate.

I was born in the early 1970s. I don't have a father and none is named on my birth certificate. My mother got some stick and one little girl wasn't allowed to play with me.

The lack of father on my birth certificate however has never been the cause of any grief or stigma for me at all. Ever.

You need the birth certificate to open an account for a child. When you register for a school or nursery place, when you register for the doctors.

My Mother doesn't have a Father listed and has felt the stigma all her life.

Something else possibly worth considering is whether you will want to apply for your partner to have PR - if your ex is on the birth certificate this might be slightly more tricky as I think you would have to have his permission, whereas if he is not you possibly don't have to even inform him (although you probably should).

My daughter's birth father is not on the birth certificate - I have never felt any particular stigma because of this, but I do make sure to talk to her periodically about her 'other dad'.

As for posters giving you a hard time, OP, ignore. I'd like to meet the person who has never made a bad relationship decision, I expect there would be very few of them. Certainly you can pregnant from sex, but does everyone truly consider this every time they had had sex? Pfft.

I don't remember using ds's birth certificate for anything at all!

Ok I seem to have missed the point where OP states her new partner can't have children.

You can see what the Ex must be thinking here. They can't have children, break up, she finds a willing donor, gets back with Ex and totally cuts the real Father out the picture to play happy families.

In a few years it'll be like it never happened. They get married, change the child's surname. Maybe move away somewhere. Job done.

When you register your child at school you only need the short certificate same with opening a bank account and that does not include parents names so not an issue. You don't use the birth certificate to register at a doctors.