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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an ok lunch for ds?

178 replies

Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 08:52

Ds1 is 7.

He has some issues with food. Severe allergies to milk, eggs, shellfish and some nuts. He also detests having lunch at school, he hates the smell of the hot lunches and hates sitting near people eating anything that either smells strong or he is allergic to.
He also cannot abide having a lunch box and prefers a clear plastic bag as it "stays clean".

Before the holidays I was trying really hard to tempt him with nice food, pasta salads, cous cous, fruit salad, different crisps etc etc and he was not eating his lunch and getting unwell and hungry every afternoon and getting stomach pains.

I asked him last week to tell me what he would eat and I'd get it if he promised to eat all of his lunch every day. He told me a few things he will eat and I made his lunch last night:

A small bottle of water
A packet of ready salted crisps
Few slices of cucumber
Small apple
2 fruit shortcake biscuits
Alpro chocolate milkshake

Dsis was at my house, she took one look at ds lunch and said "what is that? If that's his lunch its appalling"

I didn't think it was too bad ? He eats a decent breakfast every day either porridge made with soya milk, potato cakes or tea cakes and a drink of water. I just want him to eat some lunch at school.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/01/2014 08:54

Sounds fine to me, your sister is a knob.

pigletmania · 07/01/2014 08:55

It's only one meal in the day, lunch us light anyway, he eats well at home where you can monitor things so of course it's fine

Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 08:57

In an ideal world I'd send him with a pasta or cous cous salad, a soya yogurt, banana and a drink but he just leaves it.

He also eats a sandwich after school each day usually chicken and salad but if I put it in his lunch he will not touch it.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/01/2014 08:57

There is not really much nutrition in that from what I can see.

BunnyLebowski · 07/01/2014 08:59

It's not very nutritious and has 3 items of junk food versus 2 pieces of fruit/veg.

I think your sister has a point.

Lagoonablue · 07/01/2014 09:00

Needs carbs and protein in that. Not judging though. My kids won't eat anything!

Northumberlandlass · 07/01/2014 09:01

Sorry - that wouldn't of kept DS going through the day at 7. I don't think it's appalling, but there isn't much there.

What about some soup in a flask ?

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons · 07/01/2014 09:01

What would be the point of sending a perfectly balanced, nutritious lunch if he isnt going to eat it?
Just to look good?

It makes more sense to send him with food he will actually eat, and then ensure he has a good breakfast and dinner.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 09:03

I assumed as he was getting 2 of his 5 a day and the alpro shake contains added calcium and vitamins it wasn't too bad! I think its a bit high in sugar with the biscuits as well but I know he will eat it and he's been feeling so unwell previously each afternoon from not eating lunch.

He eats well the rest of the time (he's underweight but eats a lot at home) its just school lunches that are a big problem.

It seems to be the smell that's the biggest issue, he suffers badly with migraines and often complains that certain smells make him ill and I'm wondering if the hot lunches are just a bit 'strong' for him. He's told me that the smell gets stronger all morning and by lunchtime he feels unwell because of it.

OP posts:
northcountrygirl · 07/01/2014 09:03

It sounds like it's a pain for you but he wouldn't be allowed the chocolate milk at my daughter's school and you'd probably get a note home from the food police. Not sure what you can do though since you can't force him to eat.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 09:06

The thing is, if I take up a huge crusty bread chicken salad sandwich and a banana for after school he will eat it or when we get in a big bowl of veg sticks pitta bread and humour but if I put the same in his lunch box he just won't touch it.

They get fruit at break time but its too long for him to go till the end of the day with no food.

Dsis just looked so shocked at what I was putting in the bag for him it made me worry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 09:07

They are not meant to have crisps every day either or chocolate bars but he's said he would eat a choc soya bar too.

I'm hoping they don't send a note out as he needs the calories he's so underweight I just want him to eat anything.

OP posts:
ARealPickle · 07/01/2014 09:07

It doesn't sound nutritious and it would be awful for my daughter BUT she eats most things.

In your case it's more important that he eats something he's not allergic to, and that he can stomach.

pinkdelight · 07/01/2014 09:08

It's an ok lunch in the circumstances but I think your sister's reaction is justified. It's crisps, milkshake and biscuits with a bit of fruit. I get that you've tried hard and your DS has big food issues, but you can't expect her not to be a bit appalled. And I'm someone with a similar packed lunch phobia i.e. I'll eat a shop bought or made at home sandwich but have the horrors about one that's been sitting in a packed lunch all morning. I did like school dinners though.

Greenandcabbagelooking · 07/01/2014 09:09

A lunch he eats is better than any "healthy" lunch he won't, IMO. If he likes those things and they stop him getting ill in the afternoons then it's fine.

I hate the lunchbox rules, let me decide what to feed my child!

ARealPickle · 07/01/2014 09:10

Lots of posts where I was typing!

In the context of an otherwise healthy day, especially if he'll eat carbs and protein later is not as bad as if seen in isolation.

pinkdelight · 07/01/2014 09:11

Would he not have something from the cold selection at school - do they not do salads and sandwiches?

HaroldTheGoat · 07/01/2014 09:12

It's better he eats this lunch than none of a different lunch.

I think your sister and some of the posters here are being a bit harsh, considering the circumstances.

I've been to drs etc about my son not eating and they are pretty clear that it's better to get things in him that he will eat.

Hopefully he will get over this OP. I was a horror at that age and often refused to eat anything but a bowl of petit pois.

pinkdelight · 07/01/2014 09:13

Just a thought, but have you tried shop bought i.e. packaged sandwiches? I know they're not ideal, but for me they don't have the (mad) thing that puts me off packed lunch sandwiches. It's hard to explain but I know what your DS means about the 'clean' thing. It's a first world madness to be sure and if I was truly starving surely I'd eat but it'd make me gip.

HaroldTheGoat · 07/01/2014 09:14

And he is eating a sandwich when gets in?

So a hearty breakfast and a sandwich at 3ish?

Totally fine!

Dollslikeyouandme · 07/01/2014 09:15

Obviously it's not ideal and seems a lot of sugar. But I guess it's better than eating nothing.

I didn't have allergies but I wouldn't eat anything at school right the way through, the smell used to make me sick too and I remember thinking the canteen was always dirty.

It sounds like he's getting a much more balanced diet at home so really just needs something to get him through the day. Could the school offer you any support with this?

Womnaleplus · 07/01/2014 09:15

Would he eat cold meat on its own, like pieces of ham/chicken/sausage?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 09:16

He can't have anything from the school lunches, there's too much risk of cross contamination and he's so allergic if he even touches food containing milk or egg he has a reaction. At a couple of parties he's been ill in the past and I think its give him a bit of an issue around mealtimes with friends/school.

They do sandwiches but they have butter in them and they said they couldn't guarantee milk/egg/nut/fish free so I can't risk it.

OP posts:
Dollslikeyouandme · 07/01/2014 09:17

I also have packed lunch phobia, weird isn't it?

Would he eat some breadsticks?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 07/01/2014 09:17

ok, it isn't actually that great a lunch and in an ideal world he would have something better. But there is little point giving him the most nutritionally balanced lunch in the world if he refuses to eat it and is hungry at school.

He needs to eat. I am sure you are working on his food issues but in the meantime what would your sister want? That he is left hungry? That he is bullied into eating, unable to leave the dining hall? (That'll in no way make his food issues worse... ) That the dinner ladies straddle him and force hummus, olives and tofu down his throat with a stick?

It's not great. But it's one meal a day and it's something in the short term while you work with him to overcome this anxiety he has over eating at school.