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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an ok lunch for ds?

178 replies

Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 08:52

Ds1 is 7.

He has some issues with food. Severe allergies to milk, eggs, shellfish and some nuts. He also detests having lunch at school, he hates the smell of the hot lunches and hates sitting near people eating anything that either smells strong or he is allergic to.
He also cannot abide having a lunch box and prefers a clear plastic bag as it "stays clean".

Before the holidays I was trying really hard to tempt him with nice food, pasta salads, cous cous, fruit salad, different crisps etc etc and he was not eating his lunch and getting unwell and hungry every afternoon and getting stomach pains.

I asked him last week to tell me what he would eat and I'd get it if he promised to eat all of his lunch every day. He told me a few things he will eat and I made his lunch last night:

A small bottle of water
A packet of ready salted crisps
Few slices of cucumber
Small apple
2 fruit shortcake biscuits
Alpro chocolate milkshake

Dsis was at my house, she took one look at ds lunch and said "what is that? If that's his lunch its appalling"

I didn't think it was too bad ? He eats a decent breakfast every day either porridge made with soya milk, potato cakes or tea cakes and a drink of water. I just want him to eat some lunch at school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 09:40

I don't really know, its the exact same sandwich has to be m and s French bread sliced chicken , lettuce, cucumber, stork veg spread and black pepper. Identical every time but he will leave it if in a lunch box and eat if its on the way home.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/01/2014 09:40

There is quite a bit of judging on here. Op ds has a severe allergies so he is limited already what he can eat, also it's no good packing all these nice things if he is going to leave them and it's going to be binned! IMHO it's import and tat when op is not there, he eats something better than an empty stomach. Mabey you can make the shortcake so you can limit the amount of sugar that goes in. Homemade chocolate milkshake, nothing wrong with that milk is a good source of calcium and is good for you. The sisters comments are disgraceful, has she ever tried to cater for a child with severe allergies and who refuses to eat their lunch! It's not like op is sending ds with a macdonalds, or coke and sweets Hmm you lot are very judge at times. Op ds has a good diet at home, one small meal won't make a difference. I am sure school make exceptions in circumstances like op, they did with food refusing ASD dd!

SoupDragon · 07/01/2014 09:40

Would he eat lunch in your car if you went and got him? This works for children who can't eat with others for religious reasons.

SoupDragon · 07/01/2014 09:41

Identical every time but he will leave it if in a lunch box and eat if its on the way home.

So, the issue isn't the food at all really. Is he able to explain why a sandwich outside is OK but one at lunch is not?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 09:42

Don't have a car so I'd have to just bring him home for lunch.

I'm seriously considering it as I know he would eat so much better at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 09:42

I think the only difference is the smell of the other food that has been prepared.

OP posts:
elfycat · 07/01/2014 09:43

It sounds like you are doing the best you can. I'd suggest giving it a week or so of this term to 'relax' about food a bit, before asking him if he can think of anything else to add for the sake of a bit of variety.

With his dairy, egg and nut allergies adding more protein to his lunches would be problematic. I think you're doing well with the alpro shake and the proteins in there.

SoupDragon · 07/01/2014 09:43

Can he go to, say, the school office and eat lunch at breaktime before the smell of the dinners gets too strong? Is there afternoon break too?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 07/01/2014 09:44

They start cooking quite early and from what ds describes the smell is throughout the whole school, its unavoidable really.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 07/01/2014 09:45

Can you go and talk to the head teacher to work out a solution - they may be perfectly happy for him to have lunch at home. I used to have my lunch at home all the time at primary but it doesn't seem to happen any more.

AscoyneDAscoyne · 07/01/2014 09:45

Op, please try not to worry what others think. I think if I were in your shoes I would just send what he can and will eat to keep him going and worry about the nutrition at home.
Its only one meal out of the day and doesn't sound too bad to me

pigletmania · 07/01/2014 09:46

It's either that or op takes him home to eat.

SoupDragon · 07/01/2014 09:46

I can sometimes smell school dinners at DDs school in the morning :) I just thought he may feel less unwell at morning break than he does at lunchtime.

MidniteScribbler · 07/01/2014 09:47

Would it help if you packaged the ingredients for a sandwich in separate bags/containers and allowed him to assemble it himself before eating? That way he could use the ingredients that he wants at that day, and gives him a level of control over what he is eating.

heymammy · 07/01/2014 09:50

From what you've said, over the course of a whole day then it's absolutely fine...it's like he's eating his daily snacks just all in one go Wink. Of course I'm sure there will be some pursed lips from the lunch supervisors but maybe a word with the HT in advance would sort that out.

In saying all that though, if it was possible, I think I would bring him home for lunch as the whole school dining experience sounds really stressful for him Sad poor wee fella.

squeakytoy · 07/01/2014 09:52

Daft as it sounds, could he take a vicks inhaler or a little pot of vicks and dab it under his nose, as this could take away the food smells.

Also, would he be able to eat slimfast bars (again sounds daft but they are a complete meal in one go and packed with vitamins etc)

AndiMac · 07/01/2014 09:53

I agree it's not a great lunch, but I can understand you want him to eat something. Probably what I would do is pack what you have packed, plus a sandwich. Then if he doesn't eat it at lunchtime, give him that same sandwich after school. Not as a "punishment" for not eating it earlier, but because if he's happy to eat it after school, have it ready for him. And he might start to associate it's ok to eat at lunchtime too. In which case, if he starts eating it at lunch, you can then get an extra snack into him after school too.

Artandco · 07/01/2014 09:55

Will he eat cooked chicken? Filling and protein to stop him being hungry all day.

Heathcliff27 · 07/01/2014 09:56

If youre in a position to take him home for lunch then i feel its the only option, especially if the teacher has said he's hungry and dizzy in the afternoon.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 07/01/2014 09:58

I don't think it's too bad but it is very short of protein which is what he needs if underweight. Would he not eat cubed pieces of meat/ chicken leg? Doesn't need to have bread. If not then I would be inclined to bring him home for lunch till he's a bit better.

DeWe · 07/01/2014 10:01

I think it's fine.

I was like your ds, still can't stand the smell of pack lunches.

Dm eventually sent me with what I would eat.
1 digestive biscuit and a drink. (in a plastic bag)
I then ate it, whereas before I got too stressed to eat anything. She then would give me tea as soon as I came home.
Dm was always worried that someone would complain to SS about it. Never happened.

gimcrack · 07/01/2014 10:01

Do what you want, he's your kid and you obviously want the best for him.The rest of us can only give advice based on our experiences with our own children, like your sister.

Anniemousse · 07/01/2014 10:04

If you can bring him home for lunch, I would.
He is obviously very tense and uncomfortable.
At home he can relax and presumably eat something nutritious and filling and have more energy for learning in the afternoon.
It wouldn't be a failure or admission of defeat to bring him home, you would just been accommodating his particular needs x

Anniemousse · 07/01/2014 10:04

*be accommodating

pigletmania · 07/01/2014 10:08

Gimcrack it's not doing what op wants Hmm it's what her son can tolerate, if you have read the op he has severe allergies to boot! I am sure op would love to pack an all singing all dancing, packed lunch and for her ds to gupzzle it down like other children, but it's not going to happen! Her sisters comments were appealing, instead of being helpful and offering suggestions to op she comes out with rubbish! Map bey it might be good t take him home for lunch and see hi wit goes, as integers have said it seems like the dining experience us very stressful for him!