To think this is an ok lunch for ds?

[Edenviolet]

Ds1 is 7.

He has some issues with food. Severe allergies to milk, eggs, shellfish and some nuts. He also detests having lunch at school, he hates the smell of the hot lunches and hates sitting near people eating anything that either smells strong or he is allergic to.
He also cannot abide having a lunch box and prefers a clear plastic bag as it "stays clean".

Before the holidays I was trying really hard to tempt him with nice food, pasta salads, cous cous, fruit salad, different crisps etc etc and he was not eating his lunch and getting unwell and hungry every afternoon and getting stomach pains.

I asked him last week to tell me what he would eat and I'd get it if he promised to eat all of his lunch every day. He told me a few things he will eat and I made his lunch last night:

A small bottle of water
A packet of ready salted crisps
Few slices of cucumber
Small apple
2 fruit shortcake biscuits
Alpro chocolate milkshake

Dsis was at my house, she took one look at ds lunch and said "what is that? If that's his lunch its appalling"

I didn't think it was too bad ? He eats a decent breakfast every day either porridge made with soya milk, potato cakes or tea cakes and a drink of water. I just want him to eat some lunch at school.

My son doesn't have allergies but is very fussy. I used to worry about his packed lunch until my mam said to think of it as just a snack which doesn't matter much if he's having a good breakfast, mini tea when he comes in then proper tea later.

I haven't had any letters from the school. He's my child and I know what's best for him. I was just the same when I was little and I eat everything now.

You learn not to give a toss about what others think.

Surely with such severe allergies you have a special needs plan with the school. If not you need to meet with the school and put a plan in place so that he can eat these things without people raising eyebrows.

I feel worried and concerned for you and Ds.
Are you under the wings of a good paediatric dietitian?If not please request to be referred.It sounds as if you both need help from a professional .A good dietitian should support you with ALL his issues regarding food and know where to seek additional help.
If you have one already then it seems they are failing you and Ds.
That is my experienced opinion -our dietitian is amazing and has supported me throughout our allergy nightmares...

If I remember rightly your sister isn't really in any position to advise on anything. She's just being unkind and having a go at you...

Ds had not eaten all of his lunch today, he ad left the cucumber apple and milkshake.

He has chosen a seedy bread chicken sandwich (just 1 slice bread) 2 mini peppers, crisps, water and soya choc bar for lunch tomorrow. Fingers crossed he will eat it.

We see a dietician every six months, she has said that ds diet is fine especially as he has the neocate.

The soya chocolate bar- have you tried him on dark chocolate (it should not have any milk products in it), rather than "fake" milk chocolate. For a couple of reasons, it's a bit lower in sugar and a bit higher in fat (so better for blood sugar), and it taste so much better!!!

Also soya is potentially not great especially for boys due to the eostrogen like compounds in it, something worth thinking about.

Sorry that sounds a bit judgemental on re reading! Not meant to be .

He does eat dark chocolate but asked for the soya one tomorrow and I just wanted a bit of enthusiasm from him about his lunch! Will be trying to vary things a bit over a few weeks.

Ds has had huge amounts of soya products from the age of 6 months as the dietician said it was fine, yogurts, milk, ice cream, custard, etc. she said it was more important to get protein and calcium into him than worry about soya (I'm a bit worried now though as a few people have mentioned it).

Bad luck, OP, it sounds tricky and emotive. I think you sound like you are doing great and you are working with him to figure it all out, which long term I bet he finds empowering, even if it is worrying short term.

Haven't rtft so apologies if I'm repeating, if he finds stuff manky once it's been hanging round bout would otherwise eat it, could you package components (of say, chicken sandwich or salad) for him to construct once there? You could rehearse at home, which may help him to reconnect with the calm of home. I'm all for comforting little rituals.

I wouldn't have used the word 'appalling' your Dsis is quite awful to say that. At the very least your child is eating something and you are doing what you can to make him happy. My dd has always had sensory issues and a dairy allergy and I have had to learn to deal with them over the school years. She is not at all fussy but likes to eat a fast small lunch as she finds the noise and commotion unbearable in the lunch hall. She also has problems with the toilets and PE. We have an agreement that she will have a small lunch- tomorrow will be half a sandwich (homemade apricot puree for iron or tuna,salmon or ham) a few cucumber sticks and tomatoes, water, and a dark choc cake or homemade biscuit if she decides to eat it.It's a very small lunch compared to her friends but she has a good breakfast and dinner in comfort at home. Her lunch has shrunk over the past few years as she has been able to explain why it is such a difficult time for her. When you see what many other children eat for lunch on a daily basis theirs is certainly not ideal!! It's not about quantity and a child's eating is not only centred around school lunch time. Just keep providing the things you can and finding new things to try as you have been.

OP, if I were you I would carry on as you are. In order to function well at school your DS needs to eat.

I dread to think how my DCs' lunches would be viewed by the lunchbox police. Both have an ASD (one diagnosed, one on the path to a diagnosis). Both have massive food issues.

DS takes a cheese sandwich made with white sliced bread and butter. He also takes 2 carrot sticks and a bottle of water.

DD takes 4 cheddar type biscuits, 4 cream crackers and a 'treat' eg mini pack of maltesers etc. She also has a bottle of water.

If I give them anything else it doesn't get eaten. DS cannot cope on an empty stomach.

I have enough in my life to worry about.

I work in a school and the smell of school dinners cooking is awful. makes e feel quite ill at times too.

When I saw dietician for underweight daughter, they said 'feed what she will eat', and the same I would think applies here!

Would he maybe eat crackers or oatcakes in place of crisps if they were in an individual packet? Might stop people being so judgy, not that they have any business being like that. DD2 ate oatcakes with cheese spread triangles (not pre prepared, in the wrapper to be taken out at the time) before she would eat sandwiches (refused bread for ages, had to be baked potatoes or pasta for carbohydrates every time).

Sorry haven't read whole thread but could he have something hot in a thermos food pot eg soup or beans with some bread to dip in.

Oh dear - sorry - I thought chocolate milk was the same but with chocolate! Soya milk? Or is that didisgusting?

Ps - to the person who wondered why people are malong suggestions, isn't that what op wanted?

Op consider some f te suggestions on here, but you are doing really well in a difficult situation. Funny how the professionals or people experienced in this are supportive and giving you great advice, but those who do not have a clue are coming out with te most dreadful rubbish, especially in support of what your sister is saying.

Even if true (it isn't) what your sister said was gratuitously unkind.

I think you're doing a pretty good job all thigns considered. Your DS has understandable anxieties about communal food eating (gievn his past experiences) and anything you can do to reduce that by giving him things he is happy to try in school sounds like the way to go. When you've had some time of him eating something for lunch you can start trying to expand his choices.

It sounds like sealed in a pack is, where possible, the way to go. Lots of oat biscuits come in small sealed packets inside the big box though I have no idea whats in them so whether they would be suitable. Would be consider building his own canapes?! pot of paste (sealed), oat cakes or crispy bakes and a plastic knife?

mini cheddars may be less salty than crisps and a nice change. m&S used to do small packets of popcorn which were good for packed lunches.

If you are already seeing a dietician, and they know about his sensory issues and that he is underweight, you have nothing to worry about- they will tell you to feed him what he will eat, ignore judgy comments and to gradually expand his range over time. They will not tell you to mess about including things he won't eat just because they seem healthier. What is healthy is keeping his calorie intake up and stopping his food/sensory aversions getting any worse.

I think you are doing an amazing job with all the children's different dietary requirements and health needs- I feel exhausted just reading about it.

Just tell the school the situation and stop stressing, you're doing your best.

Is there an option for DS to come home for lunch? Or meet you for lunch in the car, if home is too far away?

I think there are so many extenuating circumstances in your son's case - serious allergies, migraines, being underweight - that no-one should be arguing with your choice of school lunch. Feeding your son a balanced, nutritious diet must be a nightmare.

In the circumstances, I don't think anyone should be making difficulties for you - the school, your sister or anyone else. (Isn't your sister aware of all the issues? If so, it is strange that she is so critical.) I. think you have sufficient reason to fight your corner with the school, if this is necessary.

If he is having a healthy sandwich after school, there is nothing wrong with him having this type of snack to tide him over until then.

This situation should be about the welfare of your son, and not about sticking to a set of dietary rules which, quite obviously, cannot be made to apply to him at this stage. If the school objects, a letter from your GP would help.

In my experience family members have been the critical and unsupportive.
You sound so caring and concerned. He is lucky to have you.
After reading some of these comments I am now dreading the school lunches for my Dd ,and she's only two.
I had better start growing a thick skin.