To think this is an ok lunch for ds?

[Edenviolet]

Ds1 is 7.

He has some issues with food. Severe allergies to milk, eggs, shellfish and some nuts. He also detests having lunch at school, he hates the smell of the hot lunches and hates sitting near people eating anything that either smells strong or he is allergic to.
He also cannot abide having a lunch box and prefers a clear plastic bag as it "stays clean".

Before the holidays I was trying really hard to tempt him with nice food, pasta salads, cous cous, fruit salad, different crisps etc etc and he was not eating his lunch and getting unwell and hungry every afternoon and getting stomach pains.

I asked him last week to tell me what he would eat and I'd get it if he promised to eat all of his lunch every day. He told me a few things he will eat and I made his lunch last night:

A small bottle of water
A packet of ready salted crisps
Few slices of cucumber
Small apple
2 fruit shortcake biscuits
Alpro chocolate milkshake

Dsis was at my house, she took one look at ds lunch and said "what is that? If that's his lunch its appalling"

I didn't think it was too bad ? He eats a decent breakfast every day either porridge made with soya milk, potato cakes or tea cakes and a drink of water. I just want him to eat some lunch at school.

After a serious illness ds would only eat chocolate and coke and peanut butter sandwiches. I was worried sick as had always done healthy eating previously. The drs and nurses and even the nutritionist told me to just relax and give them to him and the most important thing was just to get calories into him as he was underweight. If anyone judged and if I could be bothered to explain I just said 'he needs calories' .

Don't take any crap from anyone about it, op, you're doing your best.

Rather that than nothing at all. Your sister obviously hasn't a clue what it's like to have a child with allergies/food phobia.

My DS is extremely fussy, he ate well one day then the next he didn't eat a single thing and ended up on iron tablets.

The only thing he eats is bread, jam, pancakes, mash and yorkshire pudding. It's tiring but we preserve - the other day he had a tiny bite of a roast potato :)

I had loads of asd-type food problems with ds (now grown) and his lunch box would never have got past the lunch box police these days. He had a small packet of crisps every day and a biscuit.

I just gave him what he would eat, in a form that he would eat, with as little sugary or pre-packaged stuff as possible.

Just make sure he has a good breakfast (if you can get plenty protein into breakfast, that is supposed to be good for your brain, school work and keeping you full). Can he have break-time snacks? It is more important that he has enough energy to get through the day.

We did most of the hard work at home in the evening and ds had a beautifully balance diet as a teenager. Look out for getting hungrier from growth-spurts, you can take advantage of this!

I agree with above posters that OP is doing fine. Too much fuss or pressure is likely to make the situation worse.

I did not have allergies as a child but I certainly had migraines. As OP and others have said, they can be triggered off by all kinds of things - bright lights, smells, patterns, textures, noises, crowds, tiredness ...and by not eating. They are a very unpleasant involuntary physical reaction; you can learn to avoid or manage the things that provoke them, but you can't just wish or argue the causes away.

Surely it's much better for OPs son to have a light snack and be able to do his schoolwork and enjoy his school afternoons without triggering a migraine than to fret about perfect nutrition?

Meh84 - that sounds like my son's diet. At one, he ate only milk and breadsticks, 2 only bread, milk and orange juice and occasional banana. We just worked gradually on from there.

If you have to factor in food allergies as well as producing something that can be transported to school, I can't see how anyone has a right to critisise.

I would bring him home for lunch if he were mine. His health is important, he is on medication and I know I get unwell if I take meds and skip meals. How can he focus on his work when his blood sugar is low? And you mentioned a sibling with diabetes?

Yes dd2 age 4 is diabetic so she would be going home for lunch initially too until settled in to school and everybody knows what they are doing etc.

Op does he eat well at home? Is it just the smells/soggyness etc of packed lunch that gets him ?

I think that lunch is better than no lunch. Dont sweat the small stuff. If other peoples cherubs eat organic hand woven lunch then whoopee for them.
Ots not worth the expense of wasted food and more importantly your sons anxiety levels.

In the initial post I must admit I thought the lunch sounded pretty awful. But tbh its not really a lunch is it, he seems to be having his snacks then and his 'lunch' at 3pm. NObody would bat an eyelid if it was the other way around.

If the sugary items give him enough energy for the afternoon and he then eats healthier foods I wouldnt worry too much.

I'd send him the linch he won't eat and let him go hungry.

If he wouldn't eat it at home I would say that he obviously doesn't like it but as he will eat it at home he just being difficult,

Don't do big crunchy sandwich do crust less small squares which may be easier for him maybe?

Crisps shouldn't be given everyday though too high in salt and fat IMO.

Could you give him, for example, dry bread in one plastic pack, ham or whatever in an other and homous in a little pot and a knife then he can assemble it himself? I know what he means about soggy sandwiches yuk.

Agree florascotia, some people here seem to have fallen for the idea that migraines are psychological!

I think it stems from the co morbidity of migraine and some psychological conditions like anxiety. But I think recently there's been a shift away from, "Oh, your head would be better if you just relaxed" to acknowledging that there are structural brain differences between migraineurs and those without and, you know - maybe anxiety etc has the same root cause, rather than it all being about us needing to unclench?

:o

The lunch box mafia would have a field day with dd, role with salami or hot dog,slice of cheese, 2 Jaffa cakes, Capri sun, sun maid raisins, yoghurt, and some dry cereal. Her lunch box was worse in main stream school, where she was mire stressed, it's better now she's in her special,school as she's happier. The op knows her ds and what he can and can't eat.

Maybe he doesn't like the sandwich to come out of a plastic container because of the smell? Why you take the lid off you do get a bit of a waft which I don't really like either. Also the sandwich ends up a bit soggy I find. You've probably tried this, but would he prefer it wrapped in tin foil? I always use foil myself as I can't stand food from plastic boxes either.

Your poor ds sounds so stressed out about eating due to bring allergic to do many types of food. Liking things in clear bag too keep clean sounds a bit OCD .

Can you not look for professional help with his regards to food as he is also underweight.

• and I second all the give him what he'll eat advice. Your sister was being very rude.

Madam in that case he needs the energy that the little does eat provides fir afternoon school. Better he eat what he is eating than nothing, from 8am to 3pm without anything is a long time! I was the same, lunch would go home every day if it was not too my liking. Better give him what he can stomach than nothing at all, he is nit like an average child he has psevere allergies, and may have issues with food!

I feel the important thing here is to take the pressure right off. I also feel it is important not to take him home for lunch, or for him to eat in a separate room at school. This will surely only reinforce and increase his anxieties when he then has to eat away from home. He is eating well at other meals, and I think any dietitian would consider his diet over the day / week very reasonable. There are many children who eat a much more restricted diet. Concentrate on him simply enjoying eating with his classmates. Put in what you know he will enjoy & eat. After a few weeks or even months see if he will consider adding a new food to his lunch box. Give him control over this and allow him to choose. Build in rewards for adding new foods.

Get the school on side, make sure no-one critises his lunch box, and ask staff to gently praise him for eating.

Finally, put your fingers in your ears and go "la la la" if anyone critises what they see in his lunch box . You and he are doing great, he obviously has issues around food as well as his allergies, and I think that bearing this in mind, his overall diet is great.

At 7 though they need addressing. Can you ask for a referral to a dietician or go private, maybe see a psychotherapist or psychologist (get mixed up with appropriate one!)

If you take him home you reinforce his issues rather than finding a way which enables him to hold some control and take into account the sensory issues.

I agree ds might need some professional help from a dietician and psychologist, as the food issues could extend to adulthood and severely impeded his life, or increase.

This doesn't sound like an allergy problem, at least not directly. It sounds like your ds has a whole host of sensory issues around eating though. Has he always had these? Are they worsening?

It is obviously better he eats something rather than nothing at lunchtime but if there is any way you can get him to eat better at lunch time (pocket snack to eat in the fresh air of the playground maybe?) then I would because a poor lunch may well contribute to his migraines (my dsis has found skipping lunch, or a snacky lunch plus 2 little fluid trigger hers but 24 hours later - took 30 years to work this out).

I don't think it's so much of an issue of what he's eating but about the sensory issues too. I think it would be helpful to take some medical advice in relation to those to make sure he's as supported as possible to deal with those issues and to be able to overcome them as he gets older.

As far as the food itself is concerned I remember school lunches (40 years or so ago) sometimes being so disgusting I didn't eat at all; either that or everyone around me going "ugh disgusting; wouldn't eat that" being very inhibiting. I remember being starving all afternoon and have always thought that children learn more on a tummy full of chips and turkey twizzler than a tummy full of air and hunger. So there Jamie Oliver!