I know I am - but I'm so tempted to exact my revenge

[Revenger]

I have never gotten on with my SIL. She's always been nasty to me in a very underhand way. I never confronted her in order to keep family peace. But the final straw came at my wedding where she went out of her way to spoil it for us. There was lots of things but the worst was bringing up my husbands affair. I knew about it, five years had passed and we'd moved on. So she had no good reason to mention this at our wedding.

Anyway, her wedding is booked for this year and I've recently found out that her soon to be DH has shagged one of her bridesmaids. He's had other affairs, but I don't think she knows about this one.

I really want to say to her at the wedding, 'I really admire you and DH. You've got such a strong relationship. I mean, I don't think I'd have been able to have one of my friends as bridesmaid if she and my husband had been having sex' . This would totally play on the fact that she harps on about how her and DP have a better relationship than basically anyone else, but particularly me and DH.

I know this makes me sound evil. I'm not in general but I want to get her back for the years of crap she's put me through.

So, WIBU to do this?

No, don't do it however tempting.

Rest in the knowledge that at some point in the future she will be devastated and you can have your karma moment then.

You'll look like the world's biggest bitch and she'll get the sympathy which you'll hate.

Of course YWBU to do this.

YANBU to get cheap thrills from thinking about doing it though.

Don't lower yourself. She sounds like a nasty cowbag. If there marriage turns to shite she may feel you are blame in some way. Your husband is very lucky to have your forgiveness, their situation may not turn out the same way if you mention this to her. Anyway if he can't keep it in his trousers she will find out soon enough.

Fantasise away but don't do it IRL. This is because you are a good and decent person with a strong moral compass. You are a far,far better person than this bitch (plus the view from the moral high ground is excellent!)

She will get hers.

Do you think you could tell your husband to tell her before the wedding?
It does seem to be the sort of info she should know before commitiing her life to a total twat shag ing her friend

I can see why you'd be tempted, but you really don't want to be 'that' person do you? It would really make you no better than her.

I think I'd content myself with plenty of knowing smiles at all the lovey dovey bits if I was really pissed struggling with the day I might slip in a few sighs and slow head shakes.

I know this is really evil, but I would pay money to see her fucking ugly smug face crumple. She's the biggest bitch walking.

Her DP lived with me and DH years ago and he had a different woman back every night and had very loud sex with them. She doesn't know about this either but it's never been enough that I know and she doesn't, probably because she loves to rub all of my husbands indiscretions in my face.

It fucks me off that she won't ever get her just deserts.

Personally I just wouldn't go to the wedding and either be really "ill" on the day or say no from the get go and let your dh go with your dc without you (although why he'd want to have anything to do with her after what she said at your wedding is beyond me).

I wouldn't have time for anyone so spiteful.

Why are you going to the wedding?

I would LOVE to do it in your situation, but I'd never have the balls

Have you ever pulled her up on her behaviour towards you and asked her why she's such a bitch?

Frankly, doing so would put you in the same league of bitches she is in.
The best revenge is in living well.

Actually, at this point I'm not invited. I cut her out after the wedding thing. I would have to pretend to make up with her to get an invite.

My husband and all his family hate her too. She's done some very unkind things to all of us. But he won't confront her, neither will anyone else so she gets away with it. SIL is marrying DH's brother so I doubt very much he would drop his brother in it.

I have been far too nice to her over the years. If I did this, it would be totally out of character for me. I'd make out like I thought she knew. And if she complains, I'll just say it's no different to what she did at our wedding. Her spite is fuelled by jealousy I think. Mine is fuelled because I just think she deserves a taste of her own medicine. The moral high ground has only left me feeling vengeful.

It doesn't make you sound evil OP. Is that what you want, btw, to sound evil?

I understand the temptation, but why bother?

If you really want to make a stand, don't go to the wedding, and when people ask why tell them it's because you don't get on.

I am always really sad to see women tearing chunks out of each other because of the behaviour of men

Perhaps you should both dump your shagger husbands and then you might get on better and not feel the need to take your frustrations put on the wrong people

Just a thought

Actually, at this point I'm not invited. I cut her out after the wedding thing. I would have to pretend to make up with her to get an invite.

X-posted.

Why on earth would you do that? Get on with your life without her in it.

But, but pictish, this would be one small act against her hundreds. It's no fun being the better person. And it doesn't make any odds to her if I live well, I don't boast like she does so she wouldn't know anyway. She makes out like her life is perfect and the sun shines out of her DP's arse. For once I would just like to wipe that smug grin off her face.

Perhaps you should both dump your shagger husbands and then you might get on better and not feel the need to take your frustrations put on the wrong people

There's also this.

YANBU, she sounds horrific. I wouldn't actually do it though.

Are you seriously angling to get an invite to the wedding then tell everyone he's been doffing the bridesmaid?

Your're mistaken in thinking you'll feel better after doing that, It'll bite you on the arse more than it will her.

AnyFucker, it's not about the men in our lives, it's the way she treats me. She's fucking horrible to me and because I'm too nice and non-confrontational, she gets away with it.

Ideally I'd like to just move on and forget her. I've tried and failed many times to do this. I've posted a few times to ask advice on how I do this but I'm consumed by hatred for her because I have a strong sense of fairness and the fact that she has a very nice life despite her nastiness, really irks me.

It fucks me off that she won't ever get her just deserts.

She's already getting them. She may not be privy to this information (yet) but you, your DH and godknows who else is. I can't think of anything more horrendous than a whole bunch of wedding guests knowing this about me while I'm blissfully unaware.

Just because you don't get the personal satisfaction of being the one to drop the penny (which would doubtless totally end up biting you on the ass as others have stated) doesn't mean she isn't getting the completely abhorrent treatment you say she deserves. She just doesn't know it yet. And signing up to a lifetime of lies and deceit? That IS her just deserts. And you get to observe from the sidelines without incriminating yourself...

I have a strong sense of fairness and the fact that she has a very nice life despite her nastiness, really irks me.

Life's not fair. It's an important lesson to learn.

she has a very nice life

Does she though? Blissful ignorance is one thing, deep-seated denial is something else altogether, and not conducive to long-term happiness.