Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am - but I'm so tempted to exact my revenge

306 replies

Revenger · 06/01/2014 09:37

I have never gotten on with my SIL. She's always been nasty to me in a very underhand way. I never confronted her in order to keep family peace. But the final straw came at my wedding where she went out of her way to spoil it for us. There was lots of things but the worst was bringing up my husbands affair. I knew about it, five years had passed and we'd moved on. So she had no good reason to mention this at our wedding.

Anyway, her wedding is booked for this year and I've recently found out that her soon to be DH has shagged one of her bridesmaids. He's had other affairs, but I don't think she knows about this one.

I really want to say to her at the wedding, 'I really admire you and DH. You've got such a strong relationship. I mean, I don't think I'd have been able to have one of my friends as bridesmaid if she and my husband had been having sex' . This would totally play on the fact that she harps on about how her and DP have a better relationship than basically anyone else, but particularly me and DH.

I know this makes me sound evil. I'm not in general but I want to get her back for the years of crap she's put me through.

So, WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
RenterNomad · 07/01/2014 09:25

But why not move away fromthe whole toxic lot? You'llbefreeof PIL, SIL, BIL, the shagging bridesmail, your DH's ex OW, anyonewho ight consider DH/BIL to be part of the "slim pickings", and all the other peoplewho seem to think thisis an ok way tolive. Do youreally want your DC to grow up around people like this?!

zombiesheep · 07/01/2014 09:40

What an awful awful thread. The terrible thing about this thread is that the OP seems to be enjoying it, like it's all some big game. Very sad OP but then I suppose you don't know any better. You can say that you're actually a very nice person and that this thread is nothing like you, but it shows a lot about you. Very disturbing, I would reread this whole thread back and re evaluate OP.

nauticant · 07/01/2014 09:49

The impression I got from the thread is that the OP seems to have kept her sense of humour in difficult circumstances and is capable of separating what's in her head from how she reacts to people in the real world.

How was that OP? A bit of support in the daytime.

Devonhat · 07/01/2014 09:55

These men are remarkable, they have found women who are gullible enough to put up with ridiculous behaviour, and put a spin on it, so they lash out at each other, rather than process the information that they are with liars.

Why would you accept an invitation to celebrate someone nuptials, when you resent them, the polite thing to do, would to decline and send a card.

The reason her comments grate on you is because you are insecure about your own security, now looking in at her situation you have another view of yours.

If you felt confidant in your situation, her comments would of been like water off a duck's back, they struck, precisely because you have yet to find the assurances you need to completely relax in your relationship.

Sit your Husband and brother in law down and explain how damaging their actions are to everyone's well being, and you will have your answer as to how much has changed, can they self examine, are they able to start to own the outcome and taken responsibility, they have caused this situation what exactly are they doing to fix it?

LinghamStyle · 07/01/2014 10:17

Whilst I KNOW that the right thing to do is either tell her before the wedding or just stay out of it altogether ...

I'd still be so tempted to stick her face first into the wedding cake.

DamnBamboo · 07/01/2014 10:23

Rise above it OP.

It is you who will come off worse here and look nasty and childish to boot (which you would be if you did this)

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 07/01/2014 10:32

Do it. Sounds so messed up who cares?

When's the date? Will need to diary a reminder to check for thread update :)

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/01/2014 11:22

Ever occur to you there's been no peep from SIL about whether your husband has had more affairs because she knows her woman beating, cheating, disrespectful, waste of oxygen 'partner' is a slut and if she throws any more shit at you, she could actually be very concerned you will do what she did to you?

I don't care if she's the nastiest bitch who ever walked the planet. Doesn't it worry you that your BIL shagged women in the room next to you whilst with her (presumably for over a year?) and takes open swings at men and women in public?

WTAF do you think is happening in private? I'm obviously in the minority but it reads to me she is shitting on you because he is shitting on her.

I'd be bloody worried about her. Cheating, weddings... Last thing on my mind.

struggling100 · 07/01/2014 11:24

She's marrying a guy who cheated on her. You already have your revenge.

Anger and hurt only drain you. They don't hurt her. Be happy, live a good life, and ignore people who are awful like her.

Original poster
Revenger · 07/01/2014 12:12

Forgive me zombie, for I am not pure of thought. I am afflicted by the human condition in which I experience rage and hate and vengeance. Pray, tell me how I might purge myself of these thoughts so that I may be as perfect as you? Grin

Love the telegram idea Wink.

I appreciate people trying to give me advice on how to deal with this family but really, I don't think I would be the right person to try to do that or make changes in this family.

I'd love to cut contact completely as I agree that they are toxic. Unfortunately DH doesn't agree with me. It will be an ongoing conversation though.

OP posts:
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 07/01/2014 12:23

Revenger you said you're afraid of getting hit.

Think about that instinct. Think what that means for SIL.

FWIW, I am not denying she's a nasty bitch! But nasty bitches can be abused too.

Hell, turn on the telly, apparently only women like your SIL are abused! [lighthearted sarcasm face]

slug · 07/01/2014 12:58

Could you post a comment on Facebook to the effect of..

"I really admire SIL. I found it so difficult to forgive DH when he cheated on me the once, but SIL is endlessly forgiving with her DP. I don't think I have it in me to forgive as many times as she has."

Then leave it for mutual friends to find/report?

RenterNomad · 07/01/2014 13:10

I'd love to cut contact completely as I agree that they are toxic. Unfortunately DH doesn't agree with me. It will be an ongoing conversation though.

You said that it was a recent attack by SIL on one of your DC that really enraged you. But your not so dear H is forcing you and your DC to stay in contact with his crappy family, to live in this dysfunctional place, rather than leaving so you don't suffer it at all and the DC have a refuge from it (until they're old enough, then... their decision).

differentnameforthis · 08/01/2014 08:53

I agree your anger is misdirected. I think this isn't about your SIL and her husband to be's infidelities, I think it's about you and your own feelings of upset and betrayal about your husband's multiple betrayals. I think you're unconsciously dealing with your own anger by focusing it on her, and her pretence that everything is ok in her relationship.

I can't add anymore than that! Spot on!

mistermakersgloopyglue · 08/01/2014 10:08

Gosh, your DH and his brother mustn't have been brought up with that much respect for women?!

How do you know that your DH is not still cheating? You say that sil doesn't know about most of her DH's shagging around and is blissfully unaware. How do you know you are not floating around in the same cloud of blissful ignorance about your own husband? Letting the cat out of the bag on her wedding day could come back and bit you on the arse big time, if she decided to reveal all about other indiscretions of your own husband's?

To be honest the whole lot of you sound like a shower of twats!

domoarigato · 08/01/2014 10:14

There's a storyline in Neighbours in which an email got read out at an engagement party........

Apatite1 · 08/01/2014 11:32

I'm with mistermaker. You both have unfaithful partners. Don't make out that you're not in the same heap of shit as your SIL. The only difference is that she doesn't know what a twat her husband is, whilst you presumably know about yours.

Viviennemary · 08/01/2014 19:28

Of course you are not BU to want to do this. She might have a good idea about his behaviour anyway but don't do it at the wedding. Everyone will only think you're being mean and poor her.

edamsavestheday · 08/01/2014 23:02

ooh that Neighbours plotline made me think, perhaps you could 'accidentally' copy her in on an email...

Original poster
Revenger · 09/01/2014 01:03

Just realised there has been further replies on this thread.

Ooh, shower of twats - that's a new one Smile.

Thanks for everyone's concerns but really, it's unnecessary. I don't 'know' 100% that DH isn't still cheating on me but if I get evidence to suggest he is, then I will face that at the time. And I will also start a thread about it so you can give me all this great advice again.

My issues with my SIL are absolutely nothing to do with my DH's previous behaviour and everything to do with the fact that she is nasty bastard. She's also horrible to DH's sister who hates her more than I do, and her husband is a really lovely guy who most definitely hasn't been unfaithful. Would anybody like to hazard a guess as to why she hates her? Clearly there must be something else going on, it can't simply be that SIL is a vile human being that enjoys spreading misery wherever she goes Hmm. Or even BIL's friends? They don't like her either. And clearly her own friends don't think much of her to be brazen enough to have sex with her partner. I don't know them all that well so I don't know what they secretly think of her.

If I were to tell her at the wedding, and I'm not sure if I will, then I can guarantee she's got no dirt on my DH right now because I would have already heard about it from her. There is absolutely no way she would be able to sit on information that she knows would had the potential to upset me. So even if he was up to no good, she certainly doesn't know about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Revenger · 09/01/2014 01:08

Apatite, I think you've confused me with SIL. I'm not in the least concerned about who has the 'best' or even 'worst' husband. I'm not trying to prove it either by telling her.

This is about revenge, pure and simple. She was a massive twat to me for twelve years, and especially on my wedding day. I think she deserves a little of her own medicine. That's all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Revenger · 09/01/2014 01:12

And just to add - I get why people think this is misplaced anger, but I really didn't like her way before his affair. And I only started to really dislike her after she turned up the nasty treatment when we had DC very close together. This turned to hatred in the run up to the wedding and the day itself. All my feeling towards her are based on the way she has treated me.

OP posts:
Biedronka · 09/01/2014 01:40

You all sound like nutters, to be honest.

If you're going to tell her then do so before her wedding. It's not a fucking game show, it's peoples lives. Plus you'll come off looking like a vindictive arsehole.

I feel sorry for any other family members who have the misfortune of being related to any of you.

ComposHat · 09/01/2014 02:02

These husbands probably can't believe their luck, they get to have multiple affairs and rather than their wives getting angry at them they get angry at each other. Result for them!

Yes, I imagine a Corrie style cat-fight breaking out betwen the op and her sister in law at the wedding. Much to the delight of their randy husbands, who try to arrange a re-match in a massive vat of custard.

Mind you the op and her sister in law may bond over the fact they have sexually incontinent husbands.

Katrose · 09/01/2014 03:24

Guys. OP clearly isn't going to actually do it and just wants a bitch about her DP. It's not much to do with revenge IMHO