I know I am - but I'm so tempted to exact my revenge

[Revenger]

I have never gotten on with my SIL. She's always been nasty to me in a very underhand way. I never confronted her in order to keep family peace. But the final straw came at my wedding where she went out of her way to spoil it for us. There was lots of things but the worst was bringing up my husbands affair. I knew about it, five years had passed and we'd moved on. So she had no good reason to mention this at our wedding.

Anyway, her wedding is booked for this year and I've recently found out that her soon to be DH has shagged one of her bridesmaids. He's had other affairs, but I don't think she knows about this one.

I really want to say to her at the wedding, 'I really admire you and DH. You've got such a strong relationship. I mean, I don't think I'd have been able to have one of my friends as bridesmaid if she and my husband had been having sex' . This would totally play on the fact that she harps on about how her and DP have a better relationship than basically anyone else, but particularly me and DH.

I know this makes me sound evil. I'm not in general but I want to get her back for the years of crap she's put me through.

So, WIBU to do this?

TBH you're sounding just as bad as her.

But you aren't all sweet and fuzzy in all this either. You fantasise about humiliating her on her wedding day, just as she did to you, though I appreciate you haven't in fact actually done this. I agree your anger is misdirected. I think this isn't about your SIL and her husband to be's infidelities, I think it's about you and your own feelings of upset and betrayal about your husband's multiple betrayals. I think you're unconsciously dealing with your own anger by focusing it on her, and her pretence that everything is ok in her relationship.

Forget her, she's irrelevant. Have you entirely come to terms with your own husband's affairs? Is this a relationship that makes you happy now? If so, maybe some counselling?

But focus on yourself, and your own life.

Because she deserves it

I don't think it would make me as bad as her if I did one thing in 12 years. I've been very nice to her until I stopped speaking to her.

AF, i think that would be going too far.

Ok, WIBU to let this woman know that she is about to marry a cheating wanker? (Revenge is just a nice bonus)
This is tongue in cheek btw. I already know it would be unreasonable but sometimes you just want to be unreasonable and sod the consequences .

Bloody hell. Your husband and his brother sound just dreamy

And he stopped shagging about because you had kids? How gallant of him.

Seriously, who cares why BIL is with her? He sounds like a cock so maybe they are well suited. Some people are nasty, maybe she's one of them. You don't need to waste time thinking about her.

Instead I'd try to work out why I'd been happy to stay in a relationship with someone who had treated me with such contempt. The fact that him and his brother are peas in a pod just gives me the sense that this behaviour is totally normalised for them.

Will ruining her day make you feel better about your own life? I doubt it

How do you know your husband had stopped cheating on you? Maybe she is smug because she knows more than you do about your "D"H. Don't be naive. Once a cheater always a cheater. Talking from experience.

Another old saying goes something on the lines of ...'If you're thinking of revenge, better dig two graves'.

Karma will catch up with her without you giving it a kick start. Meanwhile, concentrate on finding the 'perfect' wedding present for the bitch. I'm sure other MNetters will come up with some great suggestions.

The really bestest way you could get the ultimate one over on her is to shag her husband to be yourself and make sure she finds out

Yeh then maybe the bitch will shag the OP's DH and they can all stare daggers at each-other in the Queen Vic later on....

I totally realise how I'm coming across because I'm talking about the one area of my life where my thoughts are out of character. Apart from this, I think I'm quite a nice person.

Really, honestly, this has nothing to do with DH and everything to do with dealing with a horrible bitch. I've only just found out about the bridesmaid and literally just come up with this idea. I've not been scheming for ages or anything like that.

But I can live with one nasty act on an otherwise exemplary record . I won't be making a habit out of it.

You could always book a family slot on Jeremy Kyle now...

I'm always letting people get one over on me though. Always. I never confront people, they get to walk away while I'm left to deal with the hurt.

For once, I'd just like someone who deserves it to get their comeuppance. I don't believe in karma. I doubt this will ever come out because it's not like her DH or friend will be in a hurry to tell her.

Yeah, then the genius graham can get us all to make up .

DH's family is really big and there are loads of fallings out. Half of them don't speak. It's totally alien to me coming from a small family who mostly get on very well.

She wouldn't lower herself to sleep with my DH as he's ugly according to SIL.

OK, so imagine a bunch of strangers on the Internet give you permission to humiliate your SIL at her wedding. Imagine yourself doing it, the pleasure, and her response. Then what happens? What are the repercussions? What will your husband think? Does he know you want to do this? Will it have side effects on your own marriage. And is that really why you want to do it, to flag up your own hurt and humiliation? Will it make you happy, apart from the momentary pleasure of telling her?

op I would do it.

She ruined your day.

Afterwards I would feel like justice had been done. ok, I would probably feel really guilty. DH would be pissed at me. But he knows how I feel about her and refuses to deal with her. His refusal to deal with his family effectively has pushed me to this so he wouldn't be able to say anything to me.

As has been pointed out, I should probably leave him anyway so doesn't really matter if he's angry .

Yes she may be a bitch but quite frankly I think it's your husband you should be directing this anger at. Christ knows why you married him in the first place!!! Once a cheater, always a cheater and I expect your SIL knows and I expect she has some idea her future husband is still shagging about as well.

It all sounds vile tbh

Stop focusing on hating this woman and stop ignoring why you feel so insecure in your own relationship that you have to put hers down.

I agree that it will be you who will come off worse in everybody's eyes if you deliver this news to her on the wedding day

However I would channel my inner Malcolm Tucker and be responsible for getting someone else to deliver the bad news and then sit back and wait for it to all explode while laughing on the sidelines knowing I was the one to set in all in motion. Find yourself a suitable patsy and start laying the groundwork now.

You realise he probably refuses to deal with because he knows they will spill the beans on his affairs don't you?

It's not one or the other though. I've dealt with DH. I left him at the time and then we got back together. The wedding was booked 4 years after his affair ended.

I don't think SIL knows her DP has cheated as much as he has. She goes on and on and on and on about how great he is. Truly she thinks the sun shines out his arse. Unless she's covering up? I wouldn't care had this not been the very big stick with which she used to repeatedly best me over the head .

The fact that you're always letting people get one over on you is not about her though, it's about you. Do you feel powerless in your life? Do you have low self-esteem? How can you recognise this and not want to do something about it? Are you planning on going through life taking shit and occasionally getting worked up enough about it to do something really nasty to one person and try to feel better about yourself? Does this seem like an ideal long-term strategy to you? Really?

Sorry, this may have been intended as a light-hearted thread, but it seems to be about a lot more than a bitchy SIL.

But, it's your life and if you want to become what is hurting and upsetting you most, you go right ahead. Don't expect it to go according to plan though.

Find yourself a suitable patsy and start laying the groundwork now.

Terrible advice that's TOTALLY what I'd do

She don't know about her partner's affair, but she does know about your husband. So it'd bot unreasonable for her to think she has the better deal. Unreasonable of her to rub your nose in it, yes. But I have to agree with everyone who says this is a massive displacement.

Doesn't

"Anyfucker is spot on. Why are you both with men that shag around and then get all competitive about whose husband is the biggest arsehole?"

Quite, this really is bizarre.

Your DH and his brother both sound awful.

I actually feel quite sorry for the soon to be SIL. Her husband to be has no respect for her and his family dislike her and are laughing at her behind her back.

She may be a nasty cow but they sound like horrible people.