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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to keep DD home rather than send her to this?

207 replies

Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 19:55

My DD aged 3 is meant to be attending an activities session tomorrow which will assess whether she gets into a certain girls prep school that DH is very keen on. Problem is, she has been throwing up since Saturday. DH says that if she manages breakfast tomorrow we should still send her, and that although we could re-schedule, the prep school will probably allocate all its places tomorrow so she will be at a disadvantage if they don't see her...

We will obviously see how she is tomorrow morning, and ask her how she feels about going to 'have a play' at this school, but my heart strings are going at the thought of sending her along when she is not feeling at her best. I went to school abroad so don't know how these sorts of schools work, anyone have any ideas or views?

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 05/01/2014 19:58

Why don't you call the school and talk to them about it? I doubt they'd allocate all the places without seeing everyone. If she's ill it will put her at a disadvantage anyway.

NatashaBee · 05/01/2014 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Footface · 05/01/2014 20:00

The school and others won't take kindly to get being sick on them or the carpet, she definitely won't get a place then

BlackDaisies · 05/01/2014 20:00

If she's still throwing up today you can't send her tomorrow. They'll all come down with it! Also like you say, she won't be at her best anyway, so any 'assessment' of her will be useless. I would call and ask the school what they suggest.

Original poster
Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 20:00

Yes, might try and give them a call. Bit of a timing issue though since its first thing (8:30) and we are a bit of a drive, not sure how early they are likely to be there before we set off...

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 05/01/2014 20:01

I don't think they'll be too favorable to the family who were daft enough to send a child with a vomiting bug, especially if she spreads it!

Original poster
Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 20:02

Agree totally about not passing it on as well, and I see that being sick on teachers/school/etc might not be the best start...

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 05/01/2014 20:02

You should leave it if she's been sick recently. And what criteria do they use to assess a 3 year old for a pre school Confused

brokenhearted55a · 05/01/2014 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 05/01/2014 20:03

I was wondering that too ashtray. Seems a bit much.

Original poster
Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 20:03

Prep school rather than primary, no idea how they assess them, think they just check they are normal, whatever that means, its all a mystery to me...

OP posts:
Parietal · 05/01/2014 20:03

these schools probably have more than one assessment day - you might be able to get her into another one?

ThePearShapedToad · 05/01/2014 20:04

Is is a boarding school? If so there will be someone there all the time, so you could maybe leave a message with the matron / head of house on duty

If not, maybe try and call from 7.30 onwards. Stress the fact you're considerate towards the other children's health. I'm sure they'll have allocated places spread across all the days, not just the first

Hope your dd feels better soon

MrsBennetsEldest · 05/01/2014 20:05

Not very nice for your little girl being forced to participate when she really isn't very well.

Bodypopper · 05/01/2014 20:10

If places are 'allocated' on the first come first serve basis on the day then there isn't really an assessment is there.

Don't send a sick child, they will hate you and it's extremely selfish as they may have children higher up the school who have compromised immunity.

How do you assess a 3 year old? What's the criteria? Nose picking abilities or pure maths? Grin

Original poster
Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 20:10

I'm not going to force her to participate MrsBennetsEldest, not sure what kind of mum you think I am, we have said to her would she like to go and have a look at a school and have a play with some of the other girls, she is very excited about it, if anything I am going to have a disappointed 3 year old on my hands...

OP posts:
ThePearShapedToad · 05/01/2014 20:12

I went to a similar day op when I started at my girls school- all I remember about it is playing "it" and running around and having a lovely time

In hindsight it's probably more about observing whether I played nicely, shared, didn't push and shove etc

WilsonFrickett · 05/01/2014 20:15

think they just check they're normal

Well that's ok then, isn't it? After all, it would be awful for a DC to have to go to a school with people who were not normal, wouldnt it?

OP you don't sound very clued up on what you are signing your dd up for... But I agree you shouldn't send her if she's ill.

Chippednailvarnish · 05/01/2014 20:16

Why on earth are you considering in the first place if it's a "mystery to me"? Confused

Original poster
Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 20:16

Thank you PearShapedToad, thats exactly how we understand it as well, was starting to think it was a mistake posting her, just wanted a second view really as I gear myself up to debate with my husband whether she should go. I am always uber careful about not spreading bugs, she stays off pre-school when she is unwell, this is just quite an important thing and was hoping for a few views. Please don't flame me.

OP posts:
ThePearShapedToad · 05/01/2014 20:21

No flaming op Grin

Look, go and have a good nights sleep, see how your dd is in the morning. Ring the school early (someone will be there by the latest at 8am if they're expecting parents at 8.30, though I would presume 7.30 onwards). Just let then know your dd is ill, you don't want to spread bugs around, is there another day you could be allocated to?
If they say no more days, then learn to be "politely forceful". Arrange an appointment with the head of infants or the junior section, and take your dd with you. Let them observe her in the head's room. Schools like this teach all sorts of things besides academia, standing up for yourself and being strong willed amongst them.

In the meantime, go and have a cup of tea and enjoy your Sunday evening Brew

Windmillsinthesand · 05/01/2014 20:23

"NORMAL" is over rated Confused

Original poster
Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 20:24

Right, that's it, I give up. I should have remembered how things work round here.

Thanks very much to those who offered some advice and well meant views, it has confirmed how I was already feeling. Was just after some advice from other mums who want the best for their children and anyone who knows how allocations at these schools work. Instead some of you seem to have judged me for the type of school we are looking at and my own knowledge about their entrance criteria. Thanks a bunch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 20:27

Thanks PearShapedToad, appreciate it.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2014 20:27

I wouldn't send her.

Saying they "check they are normal" is quite offensive, sorry.