to keep DD home rather than send her to this?

[Sleeplesssister]

My DD aged 3 is meant to be attending an activities session tomorrow which will assess whether she gets into a certain girls prep school that DH is very keen on. Problem is, she has been throwing up since Saturday. DH says that if she manages breakfast tomorrow we should still send her, and that although we could re-schedule, the prep school will probably allocate all its places tomorrow so she will be at a disadvantage if they don't see her...

We will obviously see how she is tomorrow morning, and ask her how she feels about going to 'have a play' at this school, but my heart strings are going at the thought of sending her along when she is not feeling at her best. I went to school abroad so don't know how these sorts of schools work, anyone have any ideas or views?

zzzz hard sell and a stay and play?

Brilliant. Great to see you have so much experience...

No I wouldnt argue with anything.

I am disagreeing with YOU and your backing of exclusion.

Dont belittle my points by making out I just want an argument.

But Poppy, some children with SN are very bright. But would be classed as too much hard work for these schools.
My son is very clever yet struggles with various things. He would need support, something these schools probably wouldn't' want to give.

As the saying goes "if you've met one child with autism, you've met one child with autism"

Look Fanjo, I'm not flouncing, ok, I've just learn a few lessons about posting here. Yes, it is basically going to be a stay and play. Yes she has been offered another day to attend because someone else has dropped out. Yes she is feeling much better.

holycow of course! Every child is different and there are lots of children with sen who thrive in mainstream schools. And that's as it should be. There's also nothing wrong with acknowledging that some children need the extra specialist support available in specialist schools.

Good,if you learned not to equate "normal" and no SN :)

But they should rightly be excluded from accessing a selective school?

I don't consider disabled children to be a "harsh reality" to protect children from. But I do think that that's what people who send their children to a very expensive and very highly selective private school are likely to think. They don't want anyone in the class who might in any way slow their child down, or present a non-perfect image. Not saying that every parent feels that way, but I've certainly come across that attitude.

The selective schools I know (central London - VERY competitive) do not have extra staff to provide one to one support for individual children. So if a child has sen that would necessitate more help and attention than a class teacher can give then it's probably not the right school for that child. In a state school, a child who needs one to one support is funded for that. I'm sure so e private schools have extra ta's to help. But the children I know with sen who are at selective schools have dyslexia, dyspraxia or physical disabilities and they receive extra support in school but this is partly paid for by their parents (on top of fees) and it's more like an hour or two a week - not one to one every day.

Them not having TAs so kids with SN can't go there is totally the wrong way round from what is right and legal.

Op hope your dd is better soon vomiting is horrid

OP I'm aghast at how your thread has been derailed and the attacks you've been subject to.

Having read the explanations about how references to "normal" can be hurtful, I do see the point and will try not to use that language myself. But I think it's a fairly commonly (mis)used term, and those who haven't had or known children with special needs will not be as aware of its implications.

I don't think it makes the OP the devil incarnate to have said that. I don't think she deserved endless rude messages labouring the point; a simple explanation would have sufficed.

As for the other arsey comments about the OP's decision to educate her child at this school, or to send her for the test (generally) it has been a classic example of the reverse snobbery that pervades Mumsnet.

OP I hope your little girl is feeling better. Mumsnet can be a rough old place and I couldn't blame you for swearing off posting.

The OP didnt get endless rude messages.

People got exasperated by OTHERS who continued to use the phrase.

MrsNoodle ^^ well put.

fanjo nobody used the phrase maliciously. Nor has it been used for a long time on this thread.

This whole "selection at 3" stuff is not universal in prep schools, FWIW.

My DC are at a pre-prep/prep which is entirely non-selective. "trial days" are for the DC and their parents to see if they think the school will suit them and, for the prep school only (so Y4+ entry) for the staff to assess which of the (streamed) forms the DC would fit into so that they can plan accordingly. The school has a higher proportion of DC receiving additional learning support than most of the local state primaries and still consistently gets DC into their school of choice at 13, be that the local comprehensive (no entry criteria but YKWIM) or the most selective of public schools.

Unsurprisingly, it is not in London (or any other large city)

OP - if she has been sick within 48 hours of the planned start time the school won't want her anyway and would definitely not thank you for sending her - and even if she is not sick there, chances are she would cheerfully inform them that she had been sick the day before. Call them early, don't send her, and explain to your DH in nice simple words that he would positively harm her chances by sending her tomorrow.

Well put if you didnt actually read the thread.

X posted.

Poppy. I said pretty please would people stop saying it. Hardly "endless rude messages".

Thanks MrsNoodle, appreciate it.

Fanjo I have no wish to fight. I wanted to lend my support to OP whose thread was derailed and has been given a ridiculously hard time by various posters.