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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to keep DD home rather than send her to this?

207 replies

Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 19:55

My DD aged 3 is meant to be attending an activities session tomorrow which will assess whether she gets into a certain girls prep school that DH is very keen on. Problem is, she has been throwing up since Saturday. DH says that if she manages breakfast tomorrow we should still send her, and that although we could re-schedule, the prep school will probably allocate all its places tomorrow so she will be at a disadvantage if they don't see her...

We will obviously see how she is tomorrow morning, and ask her how she feels about going to 'have a play' at this school, but my heart strings are going at the thought of sending her along when she is not feeling at her best. I went to school abroad so don't know how these sorts of schools work, anyone have any ideas or views?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2014 20:27

I wouldn't send her.

Saying they "check they are normal" is quite offensive, sorry.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 05/01/2014 20:27

my own knowledge about their entrance criteria

In fairness OP it's important you know about the place your daughter is going to be spending some of her early years.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2014 20:28

I wouldn't send her.

Saying they "check they are normal" is quite offensive, sorry.

Chippednailvarnish · 05/01/2014 20:28

Was just after some advice from other mums who want the best for their children

Opposed to everyone else who doesn't?!?

morethanpotatoprints · 05/01/2014 20:28

Sorry OP your dh is an ass and obviously selfish.
he is not thinking of your dd nor the other dc.

ThePearShapedToad · 05/01/2014 20:28

No probs Flowers

Sometimes I think people just scan posts to pick up on sentences they can they shout about

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2014 20:28

Oops..sorry for multiple posts

gamerchick · 05/01/2014 20:28

Ignoring the normal comment Hmm

Don't send a kid anywhere if they've been vomiting. It's not fair on them or anybody else. Give them a ring in the morning and explain and keep her home for snuggles.
hope she's feeling better.

lilyaldrin · 05/01/2014 20:33

It might not be very palatable for most people, but checking they are "normal" is exactly what these kind of toddler assessments are for - they want children with no obvious special needs, who will follow instructions, are sociable, confident, can hold a pencil etc. They don't want to risk a child who might be hard work.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2014 20:34

FfS children with special needs are "normal".

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2014 20:35

To use "normal" to describe "children with no obvious special needs" is disgraceful

WilsonFrickett · 05/01/2014 20:37

lily I'm aware thats exactly wht they're doing Sad I just find it odd for a poster to be so blasé about that.

Op you have not been flamed in the least. How things work round here is that there a multitude of posters with a multitude of children with different situations. One or two have simply pointed out that 'normal' isn't the norm for everyone.

ThePearShapedToad · 05/01/2014 20:39

Yy to lily

Look it's a dog eat dog world. Some schools are not set up for children with special needs or certain disabilities

I'm not arguing right or wrongs about this. Not every single school in the entire world could cater to every single child's needs in the entire world.

Fee paying schools are, at the end of the day, a business. Their grades in the league tables matter. My friend at primary had no special needs, needed no extra care or attention, yet would never get above a "c" grade. Her parents were asked at the end of primary to move her from our school, as they didn't want their gcses average to be brought down by my friend in a few years time.

Right or wrong, that was the schools policy, any child who didn't perform to a b+ average would not be allowed to progress to secondary. The parents were all informed of this when they first looked round

Chippednailvarnish · 05/01/2014 20:40

Let's just hope that the "normal" 3 year olds who can pass the assessment aren't just great actors waiting to unleash their true colours on the first day of term. That would be pearl clutchingly awful.

WilsonFrickett · 05/01/2014 20:40

fanjo you know this type of assessment is designed to weed out any SN though - I think that's all Lily was saying. of course that doesn't mean it's right and doesn't mean op is in the right to be so blasé/defensive about the fact, but I really think Lily was just trying to illustrate the point.

SolidGoldBrass · 05/01/2014 20:40

Surely all schools these days ask you not to send in pukey kids until 48 hours have elapsed since the last puke. If you send her and she pukes on the school, they will decide you are a careless and irresponsible parent and not offer her a place. If they don't have such a policy on collywobbles, do you want to send your precious child somewhere that unhygienic?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2014 20:40

I don't care about the schools policy tbh.

I do care about people here contrasting "normal" and children with SN.

Its not nice.

lilyaldrin · 05/01/2014 20:40

Wilson, that's exactly why the kind of parents who choose these schools choose them though. Not surprised the OP is blase at all.

LIZS · 05/01/2014 20:40

Don't , no one wants their kids to be ill either on the day or afterwards. If she is under the weather she won't "perform to her potential" or "do herself justice" (as much as a 3yo can). They will assume that however she behaves is typical. Most schools will have at least one alternative date. dd wasn't even seen until May as we lived abroad and even then she just joined an existing class for the morning and did some activities alongside others.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/01/2014 20:42

Wilson..yes I know it. Its wrong. But not OP and lily's fault of course.

Its the terminology I object to.

I got riled as Lily repeated it after I said that was offensive.

My DD is "normal".

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 05/01/2014 20:42

Some schools are not set up for children with special needs or certain disabilities

Then they should put money into finding resources so they can. I wouldn't send my child to any school that practically excluded children with additional needs.

And they're doing themselves no favours, some children with special needs are extremely intelligent individuals.

WilsonFrickett · 05/01/2014 20:43

You're right I suppose lily. Ah well. Probably all for the best. Wouldn't want my DS to catch normal after all Grin

ThePearShapedToad · 05/01/2014 20:47

doyoulikemybaubles I'm not denying that many children with special needs are extremely intelligent

But my original point that fee paying schools are a business stands. They're not going to spend on money on something they feel isn't necessary when they have money coming in already

Anyway.

op good luck! And for the record- I loved my school. My parents scrimped and saved to send me there and I am forever grateful to them for that
It was a wonderful school, and set me up extremely well for later life

And no, before anyone flames me, I'm not saying that going to a non fee paying school means you can't be set up for later life too

Monetbyhimself · 05/01/2014 20:48

YANU. She has the potential to infect a room full of toddlers with a vomiting bug. You need to keep her at home for 48 hours.

MrsSchadenfreude · 05/01/2014 20:48

I would see how she is in the morning - obviously if she is sick in the night, then don't take her. If she is her usual self, and wants to go, I would let her. If not, call the school and see if she can go another day for the assessment.