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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to keep DD home rather than send her to this?

207 replies

Sleeplesssister · 05/01/2014 19:55

My DD aged 3 is meant to be attending an activities session tomorrow which will assess whether she gets into a certain girls prep school that DH is very keen on. Problem is, she has been throwing up since Saturday. DH says that if she manages breakfast tomorrow we should still send her, and that although we could re-schedule, the prep school will probably allocate all its places tomorrow so she will be at a disadvantage if they don't see her...

We will obviously see how she is tomorrow morning, and ask her how she feels about going to 'have a play' at this school, but my heart strings are going at the thought of sending her along when she is not feeling at her best. I went to school abroad so don't know how these sorts of schools work, anyone have any ideas or views?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2014 20:50

Don't send her. Just add an extra 0 to the cheque and she'll get in fine.

Monetbyhimself · 05/01/2014 20:52

That should say YABU.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/01/2014 20:54

She should not be going unless she has been completely symptom free for 48 hours.

The school should be grateful that you are not taking her, and I'm sure will offer an alternative date if they are indeed an institution that you wish your dd to spend her formative years.

Just start ringing from about 7am to explain.

Dromedary · 05/01/2014 20:59

It's possible that they will decide on the day and your child will miss out, assuming the class is in fact oversubscribed. I've seen this happen. But if she is actually ill there's not a lot you can do about that, other than phone the school to discuss and hope for the best.
NB I gather than some such schools tell the children to draw a person, and judge them based on how detailed their stick figures are. Apparently some parents train their children to draw detailed stick figures...
Also, if any child has a "little accident", they are not selected.

Biscuitsneeded · 05/01/2014 21:02

I think it will probably all depend on how tonight goes. If she doesn't wake up and isn't sick, and seems happy enough in the morning, then you can probably assume she's on the mend and it's unlikely she'll be sick when she gets there. But if she isn't feeling right they won't see her at her best, so if you're not convinced she's well enough then I'd phone first thing and explain that as she has a vomiting bug you are not bringing her (which will reflect well on you as a responsible parent) but please could they assess her on another day? If they're not willing to be flexible about it, then maybe it's not the best schooling option anyway.

CatAmongThePigeons · 05/01/2014 21:03

Keep her at home, you won't endear yourself to other parents by passing on a vomiting bug to every entrant and -possibly their wider family.

lilyaldrin · 05/01/2014 21:10

Dromedary - you can actually get tutors that specialise in preparing 3/4/5 year olds for these assessments! Teaching them how to draw with detail, recall stories in the right way, use scissors, demonstrate social skills and leadership qualities. Seriously!

Rosa · 05/01/2014 21:13

They still do stick figures? I remember when I went to mine I must have been 3 . I had to complete a stick figure and I asked if I could put buttons on his tummy !!!! however I would contact the school and explain - they would probably appreciate that you don't take her if she is not at her best and also passing the bugs on!

Bodypopper · 05/01/2014 21:14

lilyaldrin seriously are you joking?

ShadowFall · 05/01/2014 21:28

Keep her home - you're risking passing the vomiting bug onto the other kids, and she won't be at her best anyway if she's been puking all weekend.

Call the school & try to rearrange instead.

TooTryHard · 05/01/2014 21:38

Dd did an assessment like this last year. I think they were testing that you basically have a compliant child (will willingly follow instructions and play mostly nicely) but with a bit of spark in any area and average or above intelligence. With enough time and money they can then ensure that these attributes will add up to academic success.

If your dd is ill I doubt she will be particularly compliant or socialable.

Btw I'm really glad we went to the local school. Dd couldn't have been happier.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/01/2014 22:09

Actually just spat my tea out laughing at 'average or above intelligence'. You seriously think that's the criteria? Omg. Money, that's the criteria.

ohmymimi · 05/01/2014 22:13

It's pretty easy to find out about pre-prep assessments; I've just Googled it. 'Interesting', as the Chinese say.

nonmifairidere · 05/01/2014 22:20

I've just checked out previous threads on pre-prep entrance on MN. I can still smell the desperation.

breatheslowly · 05/01/2014 22:38

I'd call them and explain the situation. Even if your DD is ok, they may well ask her in general conversation what she did at the weekend. If she then says "I was sick all over the sofa" or whatever, they will know that they have a parent who won't stick to the 48 hour rule. And if they are choosing between your daughter and another similar child, they may well decide that you aren't quite their type of parent.

Dromedary · 05/01/2014 22:40

What's the long term advantage of sending your child to this kind of school at age 3? Is it that they end up far better educated? If it's to get them into Oxbridge, they can manage that if go to a decent school (private or state) for just the last few years? Not being snooty - just interested, bearing in mind how much money all those years in top private schools must cost.

CocktailQueen · 05/01/2014 22:42

Are you insane, op???

Keep her at home for 48 hours after last vomit. Ffs.

What is more important? That your dd gets into this preschool, or that she potentially infects loads of people with a sick bug? Get some perspective.

Thants · 05/01/2014 22:47

Maybe send her to a school that won't penalise a tiny child for being ill...

cece · 05/01/2014 22:48

D&V policy is always to stay home for 48 hours after the incident.

Phone the school in the morning and explain she has D&V and reschedule.

ApplesinmyPocket · 05/01/2014 22:50

Definitely ring, explain she is not yet 48 hours from the onset of a D&V bug, and ask if it's possible to reschedule. A quick google on 3+ admissions took me straight to one school's site which said 'please do NOT send an unwell child, arrange an alternative date.' Obviously for the best, really.

I'm not sure admissions are as easy as just 'Money Talks' as a couple of posters have implied, though it depends where you live. In London I believe there are far more applicants at 3 and 4 than there are places, at least at the most popular schools. "Jo Newman, headmistress of North London Collegiate Junior School, has the daunting task of selecting 40 four-year-olds from 200 applicants in a two-tier interview...." Interesting article here

TooTryHard · 05/01/2014 23:00

If it's academically selective they won't take below average intelligence.

If it's just cash they won't bother with a selection process.

GlitzAndGiggles · 05/01/2014 23:10

I'd be more concerned for my child's welfare than expecting her to get all nervous and stressed about the day ahead

Jinsei · 06/01/2014 01:08

Fee paying schools are, at the end of the day, a business.
Their grades in the league tables matter. My friend at primary had no special needs, needed no extra care or attention, yet would never get above a "c" grade. Her parents were asked at the end of primary to move her from our school, as they didn't want their gcses average to be brought down by my friend in a few years time.

This, for me, highlights why private education is so often a waste of money! Lots of parents are seduced by the promise of good results, high ranking in the league tables etc, but it's pretty obvious that you're going to get good results if you only take bright, hardworking kids with supportive parents! These are the kids who would probably do well anywhere!

Personally, I would not send my child to any school that wished to assess her at the age of 3, or which chose to exclude children who didn't conform to a particular stereotype. I honestly can't imagine why anyone would choose that type of environment, but each to their own.

As for the OP, no, you obviously can't take her if she has been vomitting today. It wouldn't be fair on the other children, parents or teachers, regardless of what's best for your dd.

manicinsomniac · 06/01/2014 01:49

It might not be very palatable for most people, but checking they are "normal" is exactly what these kind of toddler assessments are for - they want children with no obvious special needs, who will follow instructions, are sociable, confident, can hold a pencil etc. They don't want to risk a child who might be hard work.

Not at all private schools. Our pre prep assessments are to work out how and where each child will fit into the school. We need a balance of gender, personality and ability in each class, we need to see what level of socialisation they are at and we need to see, where special needs are apparent or known about, how allocation of support and teaching assistants need to be organised.

We run on a bare minimum of TAs and basically employ them for specific children who need them (only have class sizes of up to 18 so we don't need TAs if none of the children need one personally). So we need to know in advance if a child needs extra help.

Also, yes we are a business but different corners of our market have different target audiences. We are known as a non selective school and about 25% of our children have some form of additional need. That's our business hook, if you want to put it coldly.

CaramelisedOnion · 06/01/2014 02:58

Was just after some advice from other mums who want the best for their children

I want the best for my son. That´s why I´ll be sending him to the local school, near his friends and neighbours when he turns 4. Where he won´t just be another cog in a league table factory but will be a person.

Oh. And why I moved to an area where the local school is excellent when he was barely one.

Private school for primary is just a ridiculous waste of money IMO.

I know you didn´t ask what I thought of private school fro primary. I´m telling you anyway.