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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that good parents do not go on holiday for six weeks at a time?

189 replies

sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:31

Ex is going away on his jollies for 6 weeks in Feb - some "business" too apparently Hmm. To Thailand.

Fine, whatever, but AIBU to think you actually your kids don't "always come first" if you do this?

Personally I would find it hard to be away from my dc for more than a night or two but each to their own I suppose.

OP posts:
NinjaBunny · 01/01/2014 22:32

Depends how high a priority being a parent is.

My ex hasn't seen DS for 9 years.

I miss DS when he's been at school all day.

Blush
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 22:34

I agree and am past caring if people think I'm 'judgey'.

RandyRudolf · 01/01/2014 22:36

If he has just dropped this on you then YANBU but if he discussed it with you some time ago then I don't see the problem.

SugarHut · 01/01/2014 22:36

I've left mine once for a fortnight to have absolute bliss in the Indian Ocean with exDP. Missed him towards the end. Knew he was having a bloody whale of a time getting spoilt by Nanny. And funnily enough we've both survived to tell the tale.

Militaty personnel, offshore workers, many other professions are away for months at a time. Does this make them irresponsible parents as no one should be away from their child for that long? Or is it ok as long as it's a job? Makes no difference to the child the reason why the parent is away...

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:37

He told me today. He went last year too in May so that's twice in 12 months.

OP posts:
SugarHut · 01/01/2014 22:37

Military

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 22:37

sugarhut is that not unavoidable?

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:38

They don't choose that though do they sugarhut I bet most of them wouldn't if they didn't have to. It's not the same.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 01/01/2014 22:38

How often does he see the dc?

Does he have them to stay regularly, and if so, for how long each time?

How old are the dc?

Joules68 · 01/01/2014 22:38

Yeah I thought about forces families too. So with that in mind op yabu!

EvilTwins · 01/01/2014 22:39

DH and I are going away for a week in October without the DC. We've done long weekends before now. They stay with my parents and have a lovely time. The whole "I can't be away from my DC for more than 24 hours" thing is something I've never understood.

Joules68 · 01/01/2014 22:39

And yes, they choose the career.... They know the score, course they do!

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:40

He sees them two or three times a week. No overnights though. Hasn't been living anywhere suitable.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:40

It's not 24 hours though is it? It's 6 weeks.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 01/01/2014 22:44

I was referring to your "I couldn't be away from them for more than a night" comment.

My DH's job requires him to work away from home. He is posted all over the place. Fortunately he's not had to go abroad since we had our DC but if he did, then we would deal with it. Sounds to me like this is more to do with your relationship with ex than anything else.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 22:44

a career which helps you to provide for your children is a better reason to be away from home for 6 weeks through personal choice. I don't know why you would choose to not see your kids for that long, personally.

Joules68 · 01/01/2014 22:45

Well op it can be done. Does not mean any parent loves or values their child any less than other parents who can't bear to be away from their child for even 24 hours

Did you just want us all to pile in and agree with you?

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 22:45

gah that barely made sense.

Joules68 · 01/01/2014 22:46

Well op it can be done. Does not mean any parent loves or values their child any less than other parents who can't bear to be away from their child for even 24 hours

Did you just want us all to pile in and agree with you?

sonlypuppyfat · 01/01/2014 22:46

I couldn't do it but we only come round this way once.

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:48

Yes joules that's obviously what most posters in AIBU hope for isn't it?

However I have had some disagreement and that's fine but it doesn't mean I have to change my mind does it?

I don't think that choosing to sun yourself on a beach for three months of the year while your dc need to be parented on the other side of the world is being a particularly good parent and I don't think I will change my mind on that. Just wondering what others thought.

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 01/01/2014 22:49

OP, for many reasons YABU.

I say this as someone who misses my boys when I leave them, but I do on occasion have to do that (travelling to see elderly sick parents, work etc..).

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:51

Is working and caring for elderly sick parents the same as sitting on a beach for six weeks?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 01/01/2014 22:52

I thought you said he was going for 6 weeks, not 3 months?

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 22:52

why do people get so defensive? if you're happy and i repeat happy to leave your dc for 6 weeks at a time then fine but don't expect everyone to think you're amazing for it.