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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that good parents do not go on holiday for six weeks at a time?

189 replies

sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:31

Ex is going away on his jollies for 6 weeks in Feb - some "business" too apparently Hmm. To Thailand.

Fine, whatever, but AIBU to think you actually your kids don't "always come first" if you do this?

Personally I would find it hard to be away from my dc for more than a night or two but each to their own I suppose.

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 23:44

what wilson said, really.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 01/01/2014 23:45

And it is certainly interesting to read how many parents think this is acceptable
So we're all wrong and crap parents. Thanks for that.

Geckos48 · 01/01/2014 23:45

er... you do choose to be in the military, last time I checked!

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 23:46

Indeed custardo. Though to be completely honestly I try not to think about that aspect of it shudder, no good can come of it.

OP posts:
OpalMoonstone · 01/01/2014 23:46

i would be a bit pissed off if my ex left all the parenting to me whilst he went away for 6 weeks Me too

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 23:46

it's possibly a career choice you'd be more likely to make before having dc rather than after, isn't it? i could be wrong, of course.

SinisterSal · 01/01/2014 23:46

Fucking off for 6 weeks for the crack and leaving it all to the other parent without a bye your leave is wrong and crap. WTF else is it???

DamnBamboo · 01/01/2014 23:47

'I believe I am better placed to know the facts'

... well I should hope so, it's your thread.. .doesn't mean you've done a good job in articulating them though does it?

It also doesn't mean YANBU as you clearly just don't like him.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 01/01/2014 23:48

i think the military is wildy different - if you go away with the army or navy - its your job for which you get paid

the money from which will pay for your family - whether together or not

If this post was " aibu to think ex is a wanker for going on a business trip for 6 weeks" i would say yes yabu

SugarHut · 01/01/2014 23:48

Yes Gecko 100% right, it does annoy me when people bang on about having no choice. They knew exactly what they were signing up for. And no one made them sign up. They did that of their own free will. Goes for lots of professions.

Joules68 · 01/01/2014 23:48

Op are you from a military family too?

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 23:49

inspace you are drifting dangerously close to what I like to call "Making Shit Up" when you address points I have made in my posts. My own Dad was in the military and away for 6 months at a time in war zones. He was not a bad parent for doing this. Had he disappeared off to Thailand to "do his thing" I may well have thought differently.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 23:49

Cross post joules.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 23:50

I didn't mind him damn. He's very generous financially, child support on time etc, he's funny and quite good company. But he's a shit dad.

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 23:52

i bet if your thread title had been 'to think that good parents do not go to thailand to shag prostitutes for six weeks...' your responses might have been different.

FreyaFridays · 01/01/2014 23:52

Gecko and SugarHut are exactly right, re: military. It annoys me no end when people bang on about being "forced" to go here and there, as there is no compulsory enlisting in this country. You know and expect what will happen when you choose the profession. My dad knew it would mean being away from home for significant periods of time (six weeks really is a drop in the ocean- what a pun- in comparison), my mum knew it when she married him, they knew it when they decided to have children, and my brother and I grew up understanding and accepting it as it was normal for us.

EvilTwins · 01/01/2014 23:53

I think the use of the term "good parents" in the OP is the issue with it.

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 23:53

I think so too Vampyre but I didn't want it to go down that route. Thanks for being so supportive btw, I was thinking I was going have to withstand the icy blasts on AIBU alone Wink.

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 01/01/2014 23:53

Vampyre I do think that some parents - in an effort to be perfect parents - do start to neglect their own relationship.

We are of course lucky that we can afford to go away, you are right that for most couples it is about time when the children go to bed. Sadly I have to start working again once the children are in bed - which means that holiday time is very important for DH and I.

WilsonFrickett · 01/01/2014 23:54

Anyway op to get back to you, no, I dont think YABU. Unfortunately though I suspect you can do the square root of fuck all about it... Does he pay adequate maintnenance may I ask, or is he pulling the self employed and skint card?

SinisterSal · 01/01/2014 23:55

Putting food on the table for your family = very high priority

Fucking off from your family for fun in the sun every chance you get, not so much

Children understand this, despite being only small and a bit daft in many significant ways

WilsonFrickett · 01/01/2014 23:55

phil would you be happy for your DP to go away for six weeks without you? Because that is what is being discussed....

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/01/2014 23:55

oh, no one should have to face the icy blasts alone, even if they are being terribly unreasonable (unless they've done something evil, of course).

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 23:57

He does wilson. Holds it over me rather in a will he/won't he pay if I gob off at him this month but pays the right amount and stumps up for extras too. For now.

OP posts:
haveyourselfashandy · 01/01/2014 23:58

And there it is...I'm imaging a lot of sad,lonely people out there tonight pouncing on an op who's slightly peeved,trying to make her as miserable as they are ha.Going away for 6 weeks when you have children is wrong on so many levels and I say that as someone who has been on holidays and short breaks away without my kids.Of course its different if you have to work away.Your ex is a dick sparkly,but you already know that.