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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that good parents do not go on holiday for six weeks at a time?

189 replies

sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:31

Ex is going away on his jollies for 6 weeks in Feb - some "business" too apparently Hmm. To Thailand.

Fine, whatever, but AIBU to think you actually your kids don't "always come first" if you do this?

Personally I would find it hard to be away from my dc for more than a night or two but each to their own I suppose.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 01/01/2014 23:58

That's something I suppose...

Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 00:02

My husband has been away for a few weeks before , if he wanted to go away for six weeks we would cope. He has gone sailing with our DSS and DSS and was away for almost a month I think. I was at home with the other children. I have also been away for a work related trip for a similar length of time.

I did acknowledge that this thread is not really about the contents of the OP. I was responding mainly to the OPs assertion that she could not be away from her children for day or two - showing that some of think differently.

Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 00:03

Sorry DSS and DS.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 02/01/2014 00:05

I think you are taking this all too personally. I'm not 'making shit up', I'm expressing an opinion on your posts. If you don't like being disagreed with, then don't post on AIBU.

IamInvisible · 02/01/2014 00:06

DH (RAF chose to be in it, I chose to marry him, we chose to have kids, blah, blah, blah, heard it all before) has been away since September 18th.

If someone offered me the chance to sit by a pool, on my own for 6 weeks when he gets back, I'd snap their bloody hand off.

I am a bloody brilliant mother, my kids are happy, well adjusted, young men, fwiw.

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 02/01/2014 00:08

I think you are reading things into my posts that are not there in order to support the opinion you have formed of me and my OP. it is not taking it personally to challenge that.

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 00:09

If my husband was fucking underage prostitutes in Thailand for six weeks being a poor parent would be the least of my concerns.

If that is what the OP is having to put up with , she is not being unreasonable to be angry. That is not reflected in the title, although to be fair to her she does mention Thailand in the OP.

I suspect we have all felt justifiably angry about something and ending up ranting about the person in general. The OP is not unreasonable for doing that.

WilsonFrickett · 02/01/2014 00:10

But phil if the father of her children can't even sort himself out to take his own children overnight, she's not really going to get the chance to leave her children overnight, is she? My own DM is great but I just couldn't leave DS with her for more than 2 nights. Any longer and I'd rely on my DH, as yours does on you. Unfortunately he's not willing to put himself in the same position and offer that support back to the op.

Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 00:10

I think your thread title was the problem OP, again we have all posted in haste and phrased things badly.

WilsonFrickett · 02/01/2014 00:11

X post phil Thanks

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/01/2014 00:12

OP - I think there is a difference between your ex who is a fairly semi-detached parent and a hands on parent who has a block of time away from their children for work or practical reasons. DH takes the DC to his home country every year for 4 -5 weeks. I can't always get time off to join them (he is self employed). I think I am a good parent for not letting my personal feelings get in the way of my DC getting to know DH's family and culture.

I can understand you being fed up of his opt in/ opt out approach but be careful of sweeping generalisations.

Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 00:12

The crux of the problem is that the man in question is probably just a shit father, regardless of how many weeks away he has.

My husband and I have time away from the children but we are good enough parents the rest of the year.

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 02/01/2014 00:12

Phil I certainly only meant MY children's father when I posted that thread title and his regular assertion that he is a "good father", he was the only one I was thinking of when I wrote it.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 02/01/2014 00:13

How very diplomatic of you philoslothy. But I'm pretty sure OP won't budge an inch anyway.

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 02/01/2014 00:14

Inspace, it seems to me that YOU are the one who is not budging.

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 00:15

The OP has budged, she has gone from implying that nobody could be a good parents if they have six weeks away from the children to recognizing that this is about one man in particular

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 02/01/2014 00:21

Not budging about what? You asked if you were BU... I answered your question

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 02/01/2014 00:27

Not budging from your unnecessarily aggressive attitude towards me. I've been accused of chopping and changing my story, being evasive, lying about the nature of ex's trip etc, I have done of those things. You can continue to post if you wish but I won't respond to you anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 02/01/2014 00:28

None of those things.

OP posts:
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 02/01/2014 00:29

Of he is such a shit dad, what's the issue with him being away for 6 weeks.

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 02/01/2014 00:31

Because the few hours he sees them a week is the only respite I get.

OP posts:
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 02/01/2014 00:41

Perhaps explain this to your ex and ask what childcare arrangement has he put in place when he is away.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 02/01/2014 00:44

Hang on... i didn't accuse you of any of those things! If you read my first post, I agreed with you that it would annoy me too! Don't be so childish

Original poster
sparklysilversequins · 02/01/2014 00:47

Grin He's arranged his childcare forty me!

OP posts:
ComplexAndDangerous · 02/01/2014 00:52

OP don't know about this argument in general, but your ex P is definitely being an arse IMHO