To think that good parents do not go on holiday for six weeks at a time?

[sparklysilversequins]

Ex is going away on his jollies for 6 weeks in Feb - some "business" too apparently . To Thailand.

Fine, whatever, but AIBU to think you actually your kids don't "always come first" if you do this?

Personally I would find it hard to be away from my dc for more than a night or two but each to their own I suppose.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable.

Hear hear, EvilTwins.

I suppose it depends on the actual nature of the business trip. If he is goingtxo be spending most of his time working, or if the trip is a necessary part of his job, and he has to go, then the OP is being unreasonable.

But if the business trip is, as the OP is insinuating, just an excuse for a jolly, where little or no real work will be done, then she's not being unreasonable.

If the latter is the case, please can someone tell me how I can get a job like this - my dses are 16, 18 and 20, so I can probably abandon them force myself to do this onerous part of my role.

well evil a lot of assumptions are made here, why should I be any different?

Not sure vamp

I've never left my kids for long at all, less than a week, but I still think she is BU. She is also a drip-feeder, which never helps, especially when it's done after many have disagreed and it's used to 'strengthen' your case, which in this case, it doesn't.

vamp No, I don't think it's normal (or maybe "regular" is a better choice of words), but I don't think it necessarily makes that person a bad parent. It depends on why they are going and what they have put in place during their absence e.g. financial arrangements, childcare, their partners needs.

As Freya says, I think your issue is more to do with the relationship you have with your ex.

Because you're trying to support the OP, and doing so with made up stuff is probably a little pointless?

I thought she was evasive too

Use your common sense everyone.... What kind of employer would condone that amount of 'holiday'?

As for his accomadation.... It's common for divorced/separated men to rent a room or return to parents for some time. That's not abnormal at all

I agree with you OP

You'd need a damn good reason in my book to leave your kids for that long. Yes, that's different from being in the forces or a few days away.

People can do what they liek of course. I can find their behaviour lacking if I see fit.

i think for a holiday, it indicates that being a parent is not a huge priority. For business, it's unavoidable and most people who have to do this possibly wish they didn't? I'm on board with needing child-free time but 6 weeks is excessive imo. Yes, the children are still loved and adequately cared for but i'm talking about the priorities of the parent.

I have no DC, but business or leisure does make a difference surely?

I get that what her father does no doubt impacts on what you can do, which does make a difference however I don't think the simple fact of being away for 6 weeks is bad in and of itself (it may be and probably is bad in this case).

My uncle worked in Saudi 6 weeks on and then time off, often abroad to avoid tax. Was it ideal for my cousins? Probably not and I can a see negative impacts, but having said that it wasn't done out of malice - they genuinely thought they were doing the right thing for their family and are all very close now. Biggest problem IMO was aunt sending them to boarding school so that she could spend his offshore time abroad with him rather than paying some fucking tax.

evil a lot of threads are made up of speculation. for the record op, how old are your dc?

i don't think the children are at risk of emotional scarring as a result of a parent being away. as i said, my feelings are to do with the emotional involvement of a parent with their children. when i separated from xp he wouldn't let me see dc for a good few days (out of spite, i hasten to add) and it killed me. this experience makes me surprised that anyone would choose to. i do accept that this is just my bitterness though.

Some people send their children to boarding school and don't see them for long periods. This father is leaving them in their home with their mother. Not so terrible really.

i don't like the idea of boarding school either tbh though enid blyton books could have swayed me.

I am lovely actually yes damn and if you could point out where I have become arsey or defensive that would be great. I've stood my ground thats all because nothing anyone has said has changed my mind. It always amuses me how a poster will be labelled that way when they don't bow to the collective MN AIBU opinion.

Both my dc have ASD by the way and I will be accused of drip feeding now but it wasn't my intention as I think it's totally unreasonable even if they were not.

I simply do not understand a person who cannot provide a place to have their dc overnight but can afford to go away and leave them for 6 week holidays.

Did your own father never get time working away from you as a child op?

Nope I don't think its on. But then I wouldn't leave my dcs to go abroad on holiday anyway.

neither do i op, to be quite frank.

Evasive? My electric ran out and I had to go out to the 24 hour shop. My neighbour kindly sat with my dc. I haven't even read all the posts!

No this is a holiday, to Thailand, though he may fit in a few "business dinners" while he is there. He runs his own business so doesn't need an employers permission.

It so

It sounds to me like this is more about you not getting the support you need OP, and yes, you are drip feeding.
It was your opening comments about "good" parents not wanting to be away from DC that I found offensive.

his loss really, sparkly!

Wilson I would never be able to go away for more than a night or two, it simply would not be possible. He wouldn't do the childcare required. There would be a ton of "business" meetings he had to go to.

I'm not drip feeding because I would still think the same even if my dc did not have ASD.