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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that good parents do not go on holiday for six weeks at a time?

189 replies

sparklysilversequins · 01/01/2014 22:31

Ex is going away on his jollies for 6 weeks in Feb - some "business" too apparently . To Thailand.

Fine, whatever, but AIBU to think you actually your kids don't "always come first" if you do this?

Personally I would find it hard to be away from my dc for more than a night or two but each to their own I suppose.

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/01/2014 10:54

As I said earlier on, my opinion on sparklysilversequins' reasonableness or lack thereof depended on the nature of the business trip. If she'd said that her ex was going to be working every day for the six weeks he was away, I would have told her she was being a bit unreasonable, as work does have to be done, and self-employed or not, if he had to go to Thailand to do that job, well, he had to go.

But as this business trip consists of just 'a few dinners' during the six weeks he is away, I don't think she is being at all unreasonable to consider this to be a holiday - and I don't think it is reasonable for one parent to go away on a 6 week holiday, without consulting the other parent, leaving them to do all the childcare. And no, I don't think it makes this chap look as if his children are his priority.

Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 10:56

Louise I am clearly a shit parent and so is my husband - despite going into teaching so I could have have more time with them - the fact that we have chosen to have extended periods of time away from our children makes us shit.

maddy68 · 02/01/2014 11:03

I very often have to go abroad 'on business' for 4-6 weeks at a time. Sure people think it is a holiday. Yes I do make the most of it and free time is definitely made the most of. But I'm still a good parent. And it most certainly isn't a holiday

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 02/01/2014 11:06

If I had the chance of a 6 week holiday I would take it. I would be packed and ready in seconds. I would leave The 'Tude with his father for this period.

That might make me a shit parent but its what I would do. Just as he would also do it so I was left with all the childcare.

It would be the same if we were still together as well. I wouldn't have been seen for smoke as I'd have ran for the plane

LouiseAderyn · 02/01/2014 11:51

I honestly couldn't leave my dc for weeks at a time to pursue a hobby. I would feel that I was choosing not to parent them for that period of time, which would not sit well with me.

Work is different because people are presumably not wanting to go away but have to in order to pay the bills.

Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 12:04

Well that makes us different and not necessarily better than one another.

LouiseAderyn · 02/01/2014 12:20

Actually I do think I am maybe being a bit unfair to you phil. Your dc do have your physical presence and involvement all the rest of the time and know they have your love and support, so there is probably scope for you to do your own thing some of time without your dc feeling they are not your priority.

I think my issue is with parents who frequently put their own desires above being there for their dc and who take off at the drop of a hat without considering impact on their dc.

So although I couldn't go away myself for an extended period, I was wrong to say all parents who do this are shit.

Juno77 · 02/01/2014 14:36

I guess some people have children, and then being a parent becomes their all-defining feature.

Others have children and fit parenting into their established lives.

Neither is better than the other, just different.

Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 14:37

I suspect that most people do a bit of both.

themaltesefalcon · 02/01/2014 14:39

I agree with you, OP.

I don't get people who holiday without their kids full-stop. It would not be a joyous occasion for me, worrying about the little one.

Philoslothy · 02/01/2014 14:43

I must holiday of have a break without my children about ten times a year. I don 't claim to be the perfect parent or even a fantastic one, but my children don't need anyone's concern or pity. They are happy children who know that they are adored . They also know that their parents adore one another too .

BramshawHill · 02/01/2014 15:27

Can you not work out how much it would cost for x days of childcare over the 6 weeks and ask him to add this to his holiday costs? That way he gets his holiday, you get your respite and everyone's happy.

FirstOnRecallDay · 02/01/2014 15:38

Hi Sparkly, I've read the thread and tbh, I don't think the problem is him leaving for 6 weeks, I think it's the lack of support co-parenting with you.

Do they not stay with him because you deem his accom not acceptable, or does he point blank say "I can't have them" ?

In the nicest way possible (I don't agree with AIBU being a bloodbath) YABU for being angry at him going away for business for 6 weeks, whether he incorporates his holiday in this time doesn't matter, the children will benefit from any advances in business he is able to make whilst there.

However, YANBU about him being a poor dad in general, focus less on his trip and more on the bigger picture.

Justforlaughs · 02/01/2014 15:44

I'll admit that I haven't read the whole thread and having an ex partner who is unsupportive is no joke, but I wouldn't have a problem with them going away for 6 weeks as long as they had my DCs so I could do the same. I don't think that that on its own makes someone a bad parent.

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