Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend, her DCs, and me 'punishing' them unfairly.

180 replies

youarewinning · 28/12/2013 13:00

Had my friends dcs (8&10) last night for the night as her and her DH had a child free family event. I'd booked cinema as a surprise.

She stayed for coffee when she dropped them off and kids went to park opposite to play on DS (9) remote control car he got for Christmas. I tell them to come in at 3pm as we're going out. Youngest tried to negotiate but I refused to engage and said 3pm please. Friend got a little defensive saying she always tells them 15 minutes earlier than she wants them in as it gives her negotiation room.

Anyway friend leaves and I get things ready for trip. DS comes in at 3pm and says the other 2 said they could stay out as it wasn't dark and their mum doesn't mind them being late.

DS is very upset (has SN and these things do upset him more than others) so I calmed him and gave him a snack. At about 3.20 I thought I ought to go and get the others as we needed to leave at 3.45. As I'm getting my shoes and coat on they come back. I ask them to go to toilet and get coats etc as we are leaving in 15 minutes. I also said to make themselves a drink. DS is finishing his snack at this time and youngest asks for one. I said no time now as late back but I had snacks for them. She gets in a strop and storms off. Tell other 2 to ignore her and get ready as we have to leave. Then finally persuade dc2 she won't drop dead of starvation in next half hour and we need to leave. By now it's nearly 4pm. Film starts at 4.15. Get to town at 4.10pm and park and then I tell them what surprise is. They were very excited. Grin DS asks if we can get sweets but I said too late now as running late but I had some chocolate and crisps and a drink each in my bag. Walking up stairs I hear dc2 start slagging me off to my DS. DS shouted at her so even if I'd not heard the whole cinema then knew about it!

I tell her not be so rude and she should have done as she was asked if she wanted things to be her way after.

I'm not a teller, or a rusher etc, more a natural consequences person. So just kept going on with plans treating all 3 dc equally.

We went to Burger King after and they all slept well. Friend collected them at 10.30am stayed for a coffee and left about 11.30.

She rang me about half an hour ago telling me both her DCs were distraught, why would I refuse them food and drink, I should have gone to find them to come in when they were late for the 'curfew'.

I just said they were not refused, they choose to ignore the curfew and therefore had no time for snack, they had food at the cinema, and a Burger King. I then said her youngest had been quite rude to me and about me.

She then said I 'knew' when she gives her girls a curfew it was always 15 minutes earlier than they actually needed to be in/ she wanted them in to allow for them to negotiate later and/ or be late. (What I've witnessed is the youngest arguing over everything times she's been given for most things and her mum agreeing to a different time). Therefore she feels I punished them unfairly.

I pointed out she was there when I reiterated they needed to be in at 3 and they chose to come in nearly half hour later and they were not punished.

So who is right here? I'm left feeling like a prize bitch but yet feeling there wasn't much else I could have done other than make us late for the film?

OP posts:
Original poster
youarewinning · 28/12/2013 13:01

Blush that's long

OP posts:
GandalfsPointyHat · 28/12/2013 13:03

Yanbu

Don't have them again. Simple as that.

BohemianGirl · 28/12/2013 13:05

If they are that rude for people they don't know so well, they must be hellish at home. I wouldnt have them again

Piffpaffpoff · 28/12/2013 13:05

"My house, my rules" and if they can't cope with that then they don't need to come back. What did your friend say about her child slagging you off?

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 28/12/2013 13:06

Unbelievably rude, both the friend and her dcs.

NoComet · 28/12/2013 13:07

Your right.
Smile and nod.

and consider very carefully wether you want her rude, ungrateful, tale telling DCs to stay again.

eatyouwithaspoon · 28/12/2013 13:08

your house your rules, cheecky mare dont look after them again

MyNameIsWinkly · 28/12/2013 13:08

Goodness. Your friend and her kids are very rude. How on earth do they cope with set start and play times at school with that attitude to timings? Safe to say, that's the last time you'll be minding them.

finallydelurking · 28/12/2013 13:10

OMG your friend and her DC's sound horrendous! YADNBU! And good luck to your friend in about 5 years time!

ZillionChocolate · 28/12/2013 13:10

Your friend is a cheeky cow. Don't babysit for her again. If she asks remind her that your parenting style wasn't to her liking.

kali110 · 28/12/2013 13:10

Yanbu. Do not ever have them again. I would not have taken them to burger king afterwards after slagging me off id have taken them back home not rewarded them. Sound very spoilt. Cant believe your friend rang you up to mosn instread of apologise! N

bellybuttonfairy · 28/12/2013 13:10

Your house, your rules. The children should have been taught how to be respectful when looked after by other people.

You behaved perfectly reasonably. Really do not have them over again.

maras2 · 28/12/2013 13:11

YANBU at all.Well done for sticking to your rules.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 28/12/2013 13:12

Call her out on it. Tell her that this was a favour to her with fucking knobs on (taking her children to the cinema) and that while you didn't do things exactly the same way as she does, they are old enough to cope with that (assuming no sns) come in when they are toldto and ggenerally not whinge, say please and thank you, not slag you off. Tell her that all three of them have been extremely ungrateful.

SoWhatDoWeDoNow · 28/12/2013 13:12

YANBU.

And your friend sounds a bit mad, soft, and easily manipulated by her kids. Politely decline to ever look after them again, and thank your lucky stars they are her problem, not yours.

TheCrumpetQueen · 28/12/2013 13:12

Your friend sounds v ungrateful considering you gave her a child free night and tool them cinema.

If my dc spoke to an adult/disrespected them like that I would be angry.

JollySantersSelectionBox · 28/12/2013 13:13

I don't think it matters what she does in her house tbh. I think if you are entrusting another adult to look after your kids as a huge favour so you can go out for the evening then they should abide by your rules.

When I hand over DS to our friends occasionally for a sleepover I tell him he had to do exactly what they say.

I'd be letting her know about the rudeness her child was showing by slagging you off in the cinema. I would be mortified if I found my DS did that.

The only thing I would have done differently if I were you, would have been to tell them you had a cinema trip planned and needed to do things at a certain time. But perhaps if your son has SN it's less stressful for you to manage activities your way then that's understandable too.

Just don't have them again. They sound entitled, rude and selfish. You did a massive favour and she's acting like a total dick.

onedev · 28/12/2013 13:16

YANBU. Sounds like you handled it fairly to me. Your friend & her DC all seem very rude.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 28/12/2013 13:16

I find kids usually behave better for others than they do for their own parents so if they are like this with you they mustbbe a nightmare at home.

Hate how negotiation is built in automatically too,.how tiresome!

My way or no stay.

AnuvvaMuvva · 28/12/2013 13:17

I'm Shock at your friend! Wow! You did everything right in my book.

SeaDevilscanPlay · 28/12/2013 13:18

Can you look after my DC's, they would love the kind of evening these delightful sounding children had and they will do as you tell them

Grin
Nerfmother · 28/12/2013 13:19

Not sure actually.
Your friend usually gives a fifteen minute warning.
You told them to be in at three but didn't go get them, leaving them to come in at three twenty.
You fed your ds before going out in this time span.
Friends dc did not know they were going out, so probably didn't get the urgency in coming in at three. So to them, maybe they feel tricked? Like they didn't know they were going out but you had fed your ds with your them.
Why not go out at five to, tell them you are going out, and make them come in?
Seems a lot of secrecy for no need.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA · 28/12/2013 13:20

Gosh, how rude Shock ungrateful cow!

I have to say i am a little surprised that they are out on their own at that age - my DD is 8 and does not play out unsupervised.

If you did one tiny thing wrong it was not tell them that they were going to the pictures, they would have been pestering you ten minutes earlier had they known!

RedLondonBus · 28/12/2013 13:20

sounds like she's quizzed them on it all.....because seriously? kids don't generally hold grudges like that

Nerfmother · 28/12/2013 13:20

Not with your 'without'