Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have refused this present for dd

191 replies

happydutchmummy · 21/12/2013 23:32

Dd godmother came round tonight to drops off Christmas presents. She excitedly whispered to me when she came in that she'd bought a rocking horse for dd.

However we already have a rocking horse, it hardly ever comes out of the toy cupboard and it takes up masses of space. We do not need or want another rocking horse so I suggested she gives it to another child or returns it to the store for a refund.

My friend was really upset at me not wanting it, said she couldn't easily return it as the store she got it from is miles away, it was expensive, she doesn't know any other little girls, she was sooooo looking forward to seeing dd face as she opened her present, etc. It ended up being a huge guilt trip to refuse it.

Should I just have accepted it to spare her feelings, --even though it will just end up in the attic and never get used- or would you have refused it to up?

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 21/12/2013 23:33

You were rude and should apologise to your friend.

RedLondonBus · 21/12/2013 23:34

It's rude to refuse it

So you have 2.... Give one to a charity/hospice/hospital?

Bloob · 21/12/2013 23:36

Shock how incredibly rude!

Pooka · 21/12/2013 23:36

Rude to refuse a gift.

You could have given the old one away and your dd's godmother could still get the pleasure of seeing the gift being received.

lougle · 21/12/2013 23:36

I agree, sorry. I know MN is famous for 'your house, your rules', 'no is a complete sentence', etc., but it's bad manners to turn down a gift.

It reminds me a bit of when my DH told me that when he was a teenager he used to exchange presents with his brothers. One year, he knew what his brother had bought him and he didn't want it, so he refused to exchange presents Shock I was horrified.

aGnotherGnuletideGreeting · 21/12/2013 23:36

Nope, anyone who buys a gift like that without checking is an idiot. I have been annoyed about things which are way smaller than a rocking horse.

I have asked DHs family a few times to not buy massive lumps of plastic. I know I might sound ungrateful, but we simply do not have any more room. And they never get played with either. Nobody listens, so loads of stuff ends up in the loft

LadyBeagleEyes · 21/12/2013 23:36

Yes you were rude. You should have accepted it with good grace. What happens afterwards is up to you.

HaroldTheGoat · 21/12/2013 23:36

Sorry there is no way I would have done that...

If it was an IDEA then yes say no she's already got one, but if a friend has bought the gift and is looking forward to giving it, I would never tell them to take it back.

chickydoo · 21/12/2013 23:37

Very Rude! Never refuse a gift it is going to hurt the giver, it was meant as a gesture of friendship. I would have been bloody hurt & pissed off too.

AdmiralData · 21/12/2013 23:42

Point 1 - Your friend should have checked with you first in case DD already had one.
Point 2 - You may have hurt your friends feelings :/ You were a bit rude, buy her a bottle of wine and explain that you were just worried about it not being put to good use. Also yy to donating one to a hospice, lovely idea.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasExhausted · 21/12/2013 23:42

Your friend really should have checked before buying it. What the hell does she think you are going to do with two rocking horses?

Taking it back of giving it to someone else is sensible.

Disclaimer - some members of my family think it is hilarious to buy dd oversized presents as gifts, so I have a low tolerance for gifts cluttering up the house.

AwfulMaureen · 21/12/2013 23:43

Very rude I'm afraid. I think you should call her, apologise and tell her that having thought about it, you will throw the old one out for charity and would love hers as DD will adore it.

WaitMonkey · 21/12/2013 23:46

You refused a gift ? Wow, you sound lovely incredibly rude.

HoHolepew · 21/12/2013 23:46

I don't think it was rude, what a waste of money for your friend. She should have checked with you first, that's a very big gift.

I have always wanted a rocking horse hint hint

MuddlingMackem · 21/12/2013 23:47

You may have been rude, but so was she. It's stupid to buy big presents without checking with the parents first. It's a good idea to sugar the pill when refusing the gift though.

It's understandable that she's upset and disappointed but if she wants to buy a big present without checking first then that's the risk she takes.

TheMuppetsSingChristmas · 21/12/2013 23:49

She should have checked before buying, it but you were breathtakingly rude in refusing it. So what if it ends up in the attic for a few months? You then charity shop it or gift it to your local toddler group or whatever. Job done.

Original poster
happydutchmummy · 21/12/2013 23:54

I know it's rude to refuse a gift, but she did ask for present ideas last week and I suggested some play dough, duplo blocks or wooden train tracks. Apparently these gift ideas were not "special" enough and so the rocking horse was purchased.

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBadSheWasExhausted · 21/12/2013 23:55

I'm not sure the op was breathtakingly rude. She can't really pretend this is a much wanted toy.

Godmother wants to see dd's face light up. Dd is probably simply going to respond with "but I already have a rocking horse" and look utterly underwhelmed.

TheMuppetsSingChristmas · 21/12/2013 23:57

Nope, not buying that. She could have easily pretended. She was definitely rude.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 21/12/2013 23:58

You weren't rude not accepting it - she was stupid to buy something so big without asking you first - it's going to be in your house, not hers!

I probably wouldn't have had the nerve to do it myself, I hate upsetting people, but I think you did the right thing.

timidviper · 22/12/2013 00:00

I think she was thoughtless but you were incredibly rude

K8Middleton · 22/12/2013 00:00

I bet she's childless yes? Really the polite thing is to say, ooh, how lovely. We'll have to make some room for it by selling a child! Thank you so much.

Although I also think she was an idiot not to ask first.

OutragedFromLeeds · 22/12/2013 00:04

She was silly to not check with you first or buy one of your suggestions, but it's hardly a crime to get caught up in Christmas and want to buy something special for your Goddaughter, particularly if you don't have children yourself.

You were really, rude and ungrateful and just nasty tbh. You need to apologise. You should have at least said 'Oh nooooo, it's so beautiful, but we already have one!' rather than refusing it.

BrianTheMole · 22/12/2013 00:04

I think you were rude.

HavantGuard · 22/12/2013 00:05

I don't think the OP was 'breathtakingly rude' at all.

You don't buy big presents without checking with the parents first. It's seriously overstepping. It would've taken a minute to call/text before buying it.

Having said that, it was rather unkind to be quite so blunt with her. She'd spent the money and if it 'breaks' in a few months or gets put in the loft it would have been gentler.