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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have refused this present for dd

191 replies

happydutchmummy · 21/12/2013 23:32

Dd godmother came round tonight to drops off Christmas presents. She excitedly whispered to me when she came in that she'd bought a rocking horse for dd.

However we already have a rocking horse, it hardly ever comes out of the toy cupboard and it takes up masses of space. We do not need or want another rocking horse so I suggested she gives it to another child or returns it to the store for a refund.

My friend was really upset at me not wanting it, said she couldn't easily return it as the store she got it from is miles away, it was expensive, she doesn't know any other little girls, she was sooooo looking forward to seeing dd face as she opened her present, etc. It ended up being a huge guilt trip to refuse it.

Should I just have accepted it to spare her feelings, --even though it will just end up in the attic and never get used- or would you have refused it to up?

OP posts:

HoHolepew · 22/12/2013 01:41

Angry smilies don't look very angry with a Santa hat on do they?

More like Phil Mitchell being festive.

AgentZigzag · 22/12/2013 01:43

Christmas is the only time I miss watching Eastenders to see who's going to get chucked out the pub/punched/murdered/publicly found out etc.

sleepywombat · 22/12/2013 01:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoHolepew · 22/12/2013 01:48

oh thank god

That's a shame you're so far away. Of course I would have let you have it.

ashamedoverthinker · 22/12/2013 02:04

well by implication we all have gimps hiding understair cupboards cos no one inspecs them when visiting of thinks to ask.

SofiaAmes · 22/12/2013 02:27

Why don't you apologize and then offer to return it yourself. Suggest that you take your dd with you and let her pick out a different toy that will be more appropriate. That way your friend feels that dd has received a gift from her, your dd gets to pick out something she wants and you don't end up with something that's too big. And you can be friends again with your friend.

Sunnysummer · 22/12/2013 05:53

I'm with timidviper - she was thoughtless (she is presumably childfree herself?), but you were rude.

You could have donated the old one, or even in a short while donated the new one, and then the next year tactfully given a list of ideas and suggestions.

Hope you weren't hoping for lots of godmother gifts for DD in future!

Sharaluck · 22/12/2013 06:14

You wbu and rude.

You should have said thanks and then sold your old one.

zipzap · 22/12/2013 07:29

But op has already said the old one is from GP so can't be sent to the slaughterhouse given to a charity shop without causing more ructions.

I can see both sides - and dont think the op was in the wrong. If the fm had say bought a kid's tablet that the op didn't want her dd to have then it's much easier to say thank you very much and hide it later. If it's something that is big and going to be on display then it is different. What if it had been a big lamp or picture for the op that the gm had said she lived and was perfect for their lounge but that the op hated and really didn't want to look at every day.

Also I'm wondering if the upset from the gm stems from several different things - disappointment that her gd won't be thrilled or even have a chance to be thrilled, embarrassment that she ignored the mum's suggestions thinking she was getting something great and it backfired, knowing that she is the one that is now going to have the ruddy thing cluttering up her house if it is difficult to return so she's going to have the reminder that she 'failed' at present getting, and so on. There's also a chance that she got the rh from somebody else that had been given it and didn't want it or in a really bargains deal that it can't be returned or she bought it too long ago and it can't be returned and she didn't want to admit that, so tried the 'it'll be difficult to return' line and that still didn't persuade you so now she's stuck with the hobby horse, no present for your dd and a chunk more expense and hassle to return the wretched thing! So she's just feeling stubby about the whole wretched situation rather than basking in the glow of clever wonderful godmotherliness as she was expecting and that is making her feel worse.

octopusinasantasack · 22/12/2013 09:25

It's always rude to refuse a gift.

Howstricks · 22/12/2013 09:42

Yes you should have accepted it gratefully and spared your friends feelings. How awful to have gone to so much trouble and have it thrown back in your face however misguided the present was. If your child doesnt like it then donate it to some child with nothing who will be grateful. In the meantime maybe accept you were a little hasty and make amends. Christmas and feelings can be saved! As for keeping the other rocking horse in a cupboard because it is a family one?!! Will it be passed down through generations of cupboards never to see the light if day just to take up space and upset Godparents?

Blu · 22/12/2013 09:48

Was it a huge one that wouldn't have looked out of place in the stage set for the nursery in the house of the Darling family, or one of those small modern toddler toy ones?

sooperdooper · 22/12/2013 09:54

I think you were really rude, and yeah maybe she should've asked but she wanted to get a beautiful special gift and I can completely understand her getting a bit carried away and not wanting to ruin what she hoped was a lovely surprise by mentioning it

You need to apologise, in her shoes I'd be really upset at your reaction

halfwildlingwoman · 22/12/2013 09:55

I hate it when you have spent time and money and thought on a gift and it isn't welcomed. I have never had much money and I feel so hurt when people are ungrateful. I was also taught, as a child that I was to say thank you and be gracious even if I hated the gift.
When I first met DP, in the first flush of new auntyness I bought thoughtful presents for his nieces and nephews. After a few throwing them on the floor and walking away incidents which were not commented on or apologised for by their parents I said fuck-it. DP gets them gift cards now, when he remembers. My children always say thank you, even if they don't like it and I always enthuse a little if my DC don't.

pixiepotter · 22/12/2013 10:08

She would have been so excited at getting your DD a beautiful fun gift and you just pissed all over her.
Honestly it is just such breathtaking rudeness to someone who had been so kind and generous!! If I was your friend you would nebver see me again
and you have to ask it you were being unreasonable? You sound to have so little empathy it makes me wonder whether you have some personality disorder?

Original poster

happydutchmummy · 22/12/2013 10:09

Hoho I'd gladly give you custody of our rocking horse, as long as it could come round here for a sleepover when person who gave it to us comes to visit

OP posts:

quesadilla · 22/12/2013 10:39

I think that's incredibly rude and insensitive.
You would have been well within your rights to have accepted it and then discreetly given it away later but to tell someone who has gone to a lot of trouble to get something for your child that you don't want it is just...wow.

FredFredGeorge · 22/12/2013 13:53

So if "it's always rude to refuse a gift" - if I decided to gift you all a tonne of horse manure to you living in your 1 bed penthouse flat and told you how keen I'd be to see it when I next visited, you'd accept it and keep it so as not to be rude?

And if you agree that's not rude and it was my rudeness in the inappropriate gift overrode it - what is actually the line?

octopusinasantasack · 22/12/2013 14:01

FredFred I doubt that any of my friends would be so daft as to do that so the situation wouldn't arise.

BettyandDon · 22/12/2013 14:03

What about donating to a children's hospital or a local children's centre?

I do feel for your friend. It's a lovely gift and unfortunate that you already had one.

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 14:07

I think it's really stretching the imagination to call a tonne of horse manure a present.

Unless the rocking horse had the "trots"

Boom-tish

Lilacroses · 22/12/2013 14:07

I'm usually on the side of the gift giver here but having been on the recieving end of some truly proposterous gifts for Dd from ex inlaws (a kitten and the next year 2 REAL white ponies....yes, honestly, ok to be kept at someone else's house but nowhere near our home) I get where the OP is coming from. I know a rocking horse isn't in the same league but I don't blame the OP for feeling a bit frustrated. It is silly not to ask someone if you are buying something large like that.

Otoh it is a lovely thought so I can understand why your friend is upset....don't blame you for saying something though.

SilverOldie · 22/12/2013 14:11

I think you were incredibly rude to refuse the gift. I hope we don't see you moaning on here next year because your child's godmother bought her something from Poundland.

NearTheWindmill · 22/12/2013 14:16

My SIL sent home ungrateful mesages about presents I had sent for her son when he was small. The vests weren't pure cotton, the mug was rather large, the picture got cracked in transit.

You know what OP; I haven't sent anything to her children for years because she was such an ungracious bitch.

Floggingmolly · 22/12/2013 14:17

Rude as be damned . Suggesting she found another little girl to give it to... Really!

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