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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have refused this present for dd

191 replies

happydutchmummy · 21/12/2013 23:32

Dd godmother came round tonight to drops off Christmas presents. She excitedly whispered to me when she came in that she'd bought a rocking horse for dd.

However we already have a rocking horse, it hardly ever comes out of the toy cupboard and it takes up masses of space. We do not need or want another rocking horse so I suggested she gives it to another child or returns it to the store for a refund.

My friend was really upset at me not wanting it, said she couldn't easily return it as the store she got it from is miles away, it was expensive, she doesn't know any other little girls, she was sooooo looking forward to seeing dd face as she opened her present, etc. It ended up being a huge guilt trip to refuse it.

Should I just have accepted it to spare her feelings, --even though it will just end up in the attic and never get used- or would you have refused it to up?

OP posts:

ILoveCwtches · 22/12/2013 16:52

YANBU

Dp's Mum said she'd seen a wonderful small, pink rocking horse to buy for our dd's 1st Christmas, this year.

We live in a miniscule 1 bed flat. I know people with dining tables that take up more floor space than we have in total! We had to decline the thought and I know she was a bit miffed.

The thing is, she was sat in our living room when she mentioned it. Shoehorned in between the baby gym and the breakfast bar!

Some people get carried away with an idea and forget all logic. I don't think you were rude. I would be annoyed if I'd bought a gift which was refused, but I hope that, on reflection, I'd realise it was far more sensible than the gift being accepted and then given away/put in loft.

Meerka · 22/12/2013 17:00

Just caught up with the thing that she'd actually asked what you wanted for your kids.

If you ask someone what they want, don't listen to that and turn up with something that has got to be difficult to make room for, then I'm afraid that you can't be surprised if it's (politely) refused. It's a bit of a clash, I still think, and yes it's going to be awkward but otherwise, it's an imposition to give a huge gift that you havent got room for after specificially asking what they want, and ignoring it.

I think it's ruder not to be (politely) honest. To give it away after 6 weeks would be equally hurtful and rude.

Chivetalking · 22/12/2013 17:10

I think it's a shame she's upset but at the end of the day she asked you for suggestions which you gave and she chose to ignore.

In the normal course of events it would be rude to turn down a present but in these circumstances I think she's brought it on her own head.

I doubt you'll get much more than a cheque in future though...

Original poster

happydutchmummy · 22/12/2013 17:22

meerka yes i am Dutch so that could be to blame.

thegreylady poor old Jacky boy. I've decided to name our rocking horse Jacky in his honour!

lilacrosses you seriously accepted a kitten and 2 real ponies? Wow, just wow.

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/12/2013 17:39

Do you know what I would have done? Accepted it graciously and run the risk that DD would have blurted out the fact she already had one. If she DID blurt it out then it is not her fault - she is 3 and is just being honest. And hopefully the godmother would have learnt something about discussing with parents in future about the suitability of an expensive gift so that a) the money is not wasted and b) the child is not disappointed c) the godmother is not disappointed and d) you are not embarrassed!

And THEN after all that I would say to my friend "well, yes, we do already have one that my mum/MIL gave her but perhaps we can ask Nanna if we can keep that one at her house for when we visit, eh?"

Of course, that's presuming that your mum/Mil (sorry, can't remember who you said it was) would have been understanding of your predicament and also had a house big enough to keep it in. (My mum would be both of those).

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/12/2013 17:45

Same goes for the trampoline situations. If a grandparent turns up with one and you REALLY don't have room for one in your garden I would be honest and say "what a shame our garden doesn't have room for that - perhaps it could be kept at yours?"

I really think it's unfair of GPS to turn up with stuff like that without asking if you WANT one in your garden .

WitchWay · 22/12/2013 17:54

I think your friend was rude to completely disregard your suggestions of more suitable toys. Perhaps you were a little blunt in trying to decline it however. I have never subscribed to the idea that every gift received has to be kept & dragged out every time the giver comes to visit. Why on earth would you do that?

thegreylady · 22/12/2013 18:30

Thanks for the namesake happy-its nice to think a little bit of Jacky boy continues :) I wonder if my dggc will ever discover him-maybe he'll end up on Cash in the Attic or something.I guess I'll never know.

Lilacroses · 22/12/2013 18:46

No happydutch I didn't! That's the point I was trying to make. These 2 gifts were from the same people ex in laws on consecutive years. I refused the kitten (tried to be gracious but was incredulous) and the ponies.....well....I was livid. Sorry if that sounds horrible but I was! Particularly because they called, got Dd on the phone and told her before telling me. I had to wrestle the phone off them and say "No, no way, I'm sorry but this is ridiculous" followed by Dd hysterically crying!

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 18:49

How did it all end OP did she take the horse back and was she cross?

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 18:50

See at least it wasn't a REAL one, lucky escape. Lila did they intend on just popping over with these ponies or had they sorted out stables etc?

That's bonkers. Fair play, that is well over that line!

shoom · 22/12/2013 19:08

I'm not Dutch, and I don't think you were rude.

If your child doesn't want it and you don't want it in your house then of course it's your right to not accept it.

The fact that she asked for, and was given, ideas immediately before buying the rocking horse makes it worse.

I have a 2yo and have no qualms about not giving house room to stuff that I don't want him to have. That's my job as a parent.

Meerka · 22/12/2013 19:42

She must be a fairly special person to have been made godmother though. I hope you can find a form of words - maybe a letter? - to explain that the thought was appreciated and that you meant no offense, it was the sheer practicality but that you appreciate her very much. I don;'t know, maybe something like that?

cees · 22/12/2013 19:56

YANBU

Godmother asked and received gift ideas but chose to ignore them and buy a big bulky present instead, I don't think she should be miffed at you, its her cock up.

Lilacroses · 22/12/2013 23:40

They have stables Harold. We were in the middle of a weird power struggle where their efforts to entice Dd to go tp their house every weekends were escalating on a regular basis. They had already booked her riding lessons every week nowhere near where I live and started a separate wardrobe of Boden/Joules clothes that they changed her into when she visited! All very "hamd that rocked the cradle". The ponies (complete with pink horsey gear) were the final Marie Annetoinette act before I told them enough was enough!

ADishBestEatenCold · 23/12/2013 01:05

Is that the only two possible courses of action/response you can visualise happydutchmummy?
The actual way you chose to respond or this, "Surely though it is ruder to accept a gift and then when she comes round and asks after it to say I donated it to charity or sold it on eBay"?

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