to have refused this present for dd

[happydutchmummy]

Dd godmother came round tonight to drops off Christmas presents. She excitedly whispered to me when she came in that she'd bought a rocking horse for dd.

However we already have a rocking horse, it hardly ever comes out of the toy cupboard and it takes up masses of space. We do not need or want another rocking horse so I suggested she gives it to another child or returns it to the store for a refund.

My friend was really upset at me not wanting it, said she couldn't easily return it as the store she got it from is miles away, it was expensive, she doesn't know any other little girls, she was sooooo looking forward to seeing dd face as she opened her present, etc. It ended up being a huge guilt trip to refuse it.

Should I just have accepted it to spare her feelings, --even though it will just end up in the attic and never get used- or would you have refused it to up?

I would also say that a rocking horse is most likely to be used when in view, maybe it doesn't get played with because it's in the cupboard?

But why should she pretend? The Godmother could give it to me take it back and get a refund, I'm sure it cost a fair bit.

If it was a smaller, less expensive gift, I wouldn't have said anything, but this is too big a present, in terms of expense and size, to accept and stuff in the attic.

Both of you were rude.

I think you did the sensible thing though - sometimes you have to be rude now, otherwise you'd need to be rude again anyway to dispose of the unwanted rocking horse (either to the friend, or the original purchaser of the first rocking horse) You also of course protected your friend from the disappointment of the unimpressed kid getting a present they don't want or value that she thought would've been appreciated.

So yes rude, but yes probably the best way to handle the original rudeness, the honesty better than any lies unless you'd never actually see the friend again.

I think you were rude. I would feel awful if that we're done to me. Especially if I had been so generous, even if the gift were not well thought through. I can't imagine telling someone I'm not accepting it!

I think you were amazingly rude! The correct thing to do would have been to accept the gift, with gratitude, and donate the one you already have! Unless it's an heirloom/gift from GP etc. In which case you would keep both (possibly in the loft).

Hang on, since when did it become RUDE to buy a present for a child without asking about it first?

It may not be sensible but it's not rude. It's always handy if people check but the giver chooses the gift it's their money!

YABU and rude.

No hang on. Why should someone accpet a gift when clearly it is impractical and doubling up. Why? her DD wouldnt like it seemingly anyway.

If she is such a good friend and GM why doesnt she have more of a clue?

I make an effort with my gifts to make sure they are something the child needs or wants.

There are a heck of a lot of gift martyers (sp ICBF) on this site.

Wait for all the horrible gift threads - well its you own fault for nt being more like OP.

YANBU, sorry.

It is rude To accept a gift that has already been bought.

Had the friend asked prior To buying it you WNDU To say no because XY and Z.

FWIW I have also refused a rockimg horse, but before it was purchased. I'm still painted the un grateful cow mind! even though I politely explained my reasons.

'If she is such a good friend and GM why doesnt she have more of a clue? '

Because the mark of a good Godmother is knowing the family rocking horse situation. I think it's in the Church pledge things actually .

The one they have is in the cupboard, I doubt she goes through their cupboards when she visits!

Of course you accept gifts, unless it's a flick knife and gram of coke.

Your not doing them a favour are you, it's a gift!

Gift martyrs

Buying splashy gifts is part of a godparents' job description. YANBU to be vexed by a big huge toy, but YABU to show it.

Gift martyr .

It's rude to buy a large/very pricey gift when you're buying for a child without checking with their parents first. Maybe they don't want a trampoline in their garden which is why they don't have one! Maybe they have saved for months to get something for the child's main present and don't want you duplicating it! Maybe they don't want their DC to have a tablet/phone/toy that takes up half their room!

Well yes actually outraged if she is a good friend and knows whats what by vsiting or keeping in touch she will know what the child plays with. I know enough about my original baby group to buy for them. If Im not sure I ask.

I think its so false and such a waste to accept an expensice gift, lying through your teeth whe really it is the last thing you want.

I think it is polite to ask what the child needs/wants - maybe Im just from an era/background that doesnt like to waste a gift.

I bought for a toddler recently and I asked what they were like and got them something accordinglt and a little surprise gift.

Im not doubling up on spellings as you can see.

Oh come on I visit friends but I don't look through their cupboards.

I would have accepted the gift with thanks and donated the other rocking horse to charity.

You've probably upset a good friend, who was trying to be kind, unnecessarily.

'Well yes actually outraged if she is a good friend and knows whats what by vsiting or keeping in touch she will know what the child plays with'

...and she probably knows that the child doesn't play with a rocking horse, because she's never seen one, because it's in a cupboard and she's not a nutjob who goes through her friends cupboards...so assumes she doesn't have one, a bit silly, but that is all.

But there would still be an unused, brand new, rocking horse if the other one was donated to charity. What a waste of money.

Okay, so the general consensus is that it was rude. I will apologise for hurting her feelings. She doesn't have any children so isn't aware of issues with buying very big presents (or very noisy ones) and I have always accepted them but I just couldn't face accepting something quite so large that won't get used and will just steal more of my storage space .

However in my defence I did suggest presents when she asked for suggestions (and none of them take up loads of spaces, as well as being things that dd will really enjoy playing with) I can't get rid of the other rocking horse as it is a gift from family and so I'd end up having to swap which horse is on display depending if friend or family is round.

How in the name of all that is horsey and er...rockingy, was the OP's friend rude?

I'd best take all these presents that I've bought without prior approval back.

Do you speak to them Harold?

I would feel a bit guilty in fact, if I accepted a gift that was so expensive and not wanted. I would feel it is such as a waste.

Its like the Vicar of Dibley eating those Christmas Dinners!

Maybe Im too practical. For DS's first Christmas DBIL bought him a navy pink fur trimmed coat - I felt guilty all the way throught ot spring that he hadnt worn the fecking thing - I'm probably affected....a rocking horse though is something else.