Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have refused this present for dd

191 replies

happydutchmummy · 21/12/2013 23:32

Dd godmother came round tonight to drops off Christmas presents. She excitedly whispered to me when she came in that she'd bought a rocking horse for dd.

However we already have a rocking horse, it hardly ever comes out of the toy cupboard and it takes up masses of space. We do not need or want another rocking horse so I suggested she gives it to another child or returns it to the store for a refund.

My friend was really upset at me not wanting it, said she couldn't easily return it as the store she got it from is miles away, it was expensive, she doesn't know any other little girls, she was sooooo looking forward to seeing dd face as she opened her present, etc. It ended up being a huge guilt trip to refuse it.

Should I just have accepted it to spare her feelings, --even though it will just end up in the attic and never get used- or would you have refused it to up?

OP posts:
Lilacroses · 22/12/2013 14:19

So it is always kinder to just accept a huge expensive present that you know you will never use despite the cost?

Birdsgottafly · 22/12/2013 14:20

"She would have been so excited at getting your DD a beautiful fun gift and you just pissed all over her."

The OP suggested fun gifts that the DD actually wanted and needed, but the God Mother thought "fuck that, I'll buy what I want instead" because that's what gift giving to children is all about, what you want to buy, isn't it?

If I bought any family member a gift, especially my GD and it was given away to make room for an unrequested gift, I would be pissed off.

I wonder how the friend would of felt being told that the gift had been given away in the new year?

You ask before buying a big gift for a child, it is rude not to.

If you don't put your foot down with some people you end up with a house full of crap. My DSis used to do this to my kids every year, her money was wasted and my kids disappointed.

They had chosen presents that she would like, she bought what she (childless) wanted to. We were exchanging gifts, so my children had a right to a suitable gift, that suited our household.

Better no gift that a thoughtless one.

Birdsgottafly · 22/12/2013 14:23

Also how would she of felt when the child opened it and more or less said that "I've got one, that I don't really use?"

Or do we teach our children to spend money on unneeded stuff that just fills the house?

Idespair · 22/12/2013 14:24

Oh dear!
I taught my dc (once they could speak):
"What do you say when someone gives you a present you don't like?"
"Thank you"
Still now they are 7 and 5 we go over this every Christmas and Birthday. It has been used as we have a couple of well meaning relatives who sometimes buy extremely bizarre items.

FredFredGeorge · 22/12/2013 14:33

Idespair do you teach your dc to fake their enthusiasm? 'cos this gift would've not had the impact the giver expected at all. A "Thank you" is not the reaction that was expected from the gift - do you teach your dc to give a good fake reaction so the giver thinks they did great, or do you teach them to simply say "thank you" (always appropriate, even for a tonne of horse manure) Despite that still being a huge let down for the giver.

Politeness is something to teach a child, accepting anything with good grace is something to teach. Teaching them to fake enjoyment won't give them successful relationships.

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 14:39

why cant you give your other horse to charity and let your dd keep the other one I think you were rude and insensitive it is not about what she has already it is a gift a very expensive and impractical gift granted but you should have the good grace to accept, what would you say if you dd said to her friend at a Birthday party oh i have one of those I dont want it, you would be horrified at her rudeness

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 14:40

oh xposted with a few people,

Idespair · 22/12/2013 14:42

No I don't teach them to fake enthusiasm.

I just really try to teach them to say thank you so they aren't rude.

cantheyseeme · 22/12/2013 14:46

Rude, that would really hurt my feelings. My dds get loads of gifts that have to be accomodated somewhere but i really appreciate that we have so many people in our lives that care enough to give them a second thought!

nennypops · 22/12/2013 14:48

Yes you should have accepted it gratefully and spared your friends feelings.

But she couldn't spare her feelings, could she? Friend wants to be there to see goddaughter's face light up, it is virtually inevitable that goddaughter will say "But I've got one already", so feelings will be hurt anyway. Much better that she should be forewarned tactfully - and we have no evidence that op was anything other than as tactful as she could be in the circumstances - so that she has a chance to exchange the present. It's not really relevant that she bought it from somewhere miles away, that's the risk you take when you buy a present that isn't amongst the items op suggested.

Sadoldbag · 22/12/2013 14:51

You should have take it and re gifted to another child for birthday or next Christmas how rude

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 14:58

I gave a friends child a play dough set once and they said "I have one of those only it's better"

Surely you teach DC to say thank you for gifts even if it's a duplicate?

Not having a pop at you OP just a bit Shock at some of these comments.

gotthemoononastick · 22/12/2013 14:58

sneaks in to the thread....would absolutely love horse manure for my roses,even a ton!!!

DancingLady · 22/12/2013 15:04

Ffs, did everyone miss the post where the OP said that her friend had asked her what to get for her DD? And OP made some suggestions? And then friend ignored these and bought a cocking great horse??

You weren't rude to be surprised and suggest she get a refund. All depends how close you are and how you worded it. She was unthinking to ignore your suggestions just so SHE could buy something SHE thought your dd would like.

Gruntfuttock · 22/12/2013 15:05

"would absolutely love horse manure for my roses,even a ton!!!"

That's all very well, but spare a thought for the person trying to wrap it up! Have you any idea how difficult it is to stop it leaking?

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 22/12/2013 15:16

Rude and thoughtless.

How do you know it will end up in the cupboard unused?

Your child might prefer it to the one they already haveGrin.

2rebecca · 22/12/2013 15:24

The kids of friends of my parents had this www.hamleys.com/Premium_Rocking_Horse_%7C_Hamleys_Toys/159152,default,pd.html#le= sort of rocking horse when we were younger and I always coveted it. When my eldest was born I looked into buying one saw the price and decided I didn't like it that much! Whenever I think of rocking horses i still think of that one though.
I think you were rude to refuse it, although if I had spent alot of money on a friend's child I'd probably rather they told me so I could take it back, once it became obvious taking it back wasn't an option I'd have just made reassuring noises and told them it would be played with.

HoHolepew · 22/12/2013 15:26

I'm in NI happydutch, just stick the horse on tbe next flight out Xmas Grin.
I still don't see how accepting a big expensive gift and then promptly giving it away or selling it is better than declining Confused.

The Goodmother asked and was told what type of presents but ignored that. Glory hunting present buying .

I bet there would be different replies if this was a grandparent who bought the horse.

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 15:27

Nope I saw that bit. My opinion remains the same.

Funny how MN goes into a rage about wedding lists and now it's rude not to check what people want! Maybe she thought it would be a nice surprise for OP too. Her intentions were good.

honeybunny14 · 22/12/2013 15:28

Yabvu and rude no wonder she was upset

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 15:32

yes i read it and my statement still stands the godmother probably likes big showy presents and that is how she is when we get gifts we smile we say thank you and we move on , we can either use the gift or put it in the loft

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 15:33

I bet there would be different replies if this was a grandparent who bought the horse.

would be exactly the same,

HoHolepew · 22/12/2013 15:39

"My mil asked what to buy DD so we have gave her some ideas. She has gone and spent a fortune on a big rocking horse instead. We already have one that isn't used, but was from family so can't get rid of it. We don't have the room for both horses. WIBU to ask her to take it back so she can get a refund?"

hackmum · 22/12/2013 15:39

I think rocking horses are the kind of toy that (childless) adults think are absolutely brilliant, and children aren't interested in at all.

It's a very unfortunate situation. Generally I think one should feign delight at presents wherever possible, but in this situation it was a terrible waste of the godmother's money to buy something that would never get used. And where could they put such a huge toy? The godmother really should have asked beforehand. I think the best response would have been for the OP to have been incredibly polite and apologetic about it, "It's a delightful present, so kind of you, thank you so much, but DD already has one that my mum gave her, and really doesn't need another one."

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 15:48

Poor MILs. Sad

Hoho I have you pegged you just want the horse.