to be jealous of my friend having DC3? they can only afford it as they are in a council house! She doesn't even work.

[LifeIsNotFair]

DH and I are 30. have one dc who is 5. And I want another one so badly ....We live in a 2 bed private rent and pay £650 a month. DH earns OK money and I work part time, just one day a week atm, am tryng to get more hours but no joy. It it is not quite enough to get a mortgage and even if it was we have nothing spare to save for a deposit.

My BF is also 3O. She has a DS, 8, with her ex. Her ex was violent and it got worse when her ds was born. she left him when when her DS was a baby, and they ended up in a B&B while they were found accomodation. She was given a 2 bed HA house. When her DS was about 2 she met her now DH, who is lovely. He took on her DS as his own, then they quickly had a DC together (her DC2) and got married. A couple of years ago they managed to get a swap to a 3 bed council house. She is now ready to have DC3 any day.

BF's DH earns similar to my DH (about 28k). The difference is their rent is about half what we pay, so they are able to afford dc3 without too many worries. They have done their house up as it was in quite a bad state when they moved in. But it is gorgeous now as her DH is handy with DIY, new kitchen, new carpets and wood floors everywhere, nice tidy garden. we can't do anything like that to ours, there's no point as we don't know how long we will get to stay here, plus we can't afford it anyway as no spare cash. They have a car each and she does not work, she wants to when the DCS are bigger but atm she really doesn't need to. The DCS have whatever they like. They are also saving for a deposit to buy it as they have right to buy. We are in the North btw so 28k is ok money where we are.

I freely admit I am jealous as hell :( but I feel bad that I feel like that. as she really is lovely, and I love her to bits. And I know she got where she is via shitty circumstances but my god has she landed on her feet now.

If they are doing nothing wrong they have nothing to worry about, we should be more proactive in detecting benefit fraud instead of just taking peoples word for it.

so do we just report everybody that is on benefits nigella or those who have a car or maybe those who have a holiday once a year what I am unsure who you want us to report, just you didnt make you pile of shite post very clear

I have a friend who is saving up to buy a place. She always makes the "oh its so unfair, people in social housing get it easy" comments. then says "but of course I don't mean you". I know she has a problem with the fact that I live in a nice house, pay a low level of rent and one day could buy it. No matter how well I end up doing in life it will be tainted by the fact that I had help/had kids with a massive knob.
Whilst I see where she is coming from there is no way I could afford private renting. I got my place through horrendous circumstances, all of which she is aware of.
I am a single mum. I work hard. I have done the house up and take good care of it. My kids are well behaved and do well at school. We are far from what the daily mail would have you think a social housing family would look like. We are a good family, good neighbours and a positive part of out local community. I admit I was a fool with exp and should never have had children with him but I can't do anything about that now and I'm dam sure I'm not going to feel guilty or let it hold me back any further than it already has done. I have spent the last 5 years thinking that I didn't deserve nice things, that I am scum. All because I relied on the government for a while.

Stop and think about how your friend is actually feeling because its probably something like what I have written above. Wouldn't you rather social housing went to good families like her who work and set a good example to their children, who take care of the house etc. Who deserve it? I know a fair few people who are in social housing who don't deserve it. She sounds like the exact type of person it was initially designed for.

Gosh I was all with until the end there, barley.

Everyone deserves a roof over their head.

Who gets to decide who is deserving or not? I'm tempted to decide you don't deserve it, frankly, if that's how it goes.

YANBU at all to be envious of them paying less rent, or to think that the current system is unfair when two families in comparable current situations can have the rent they pay be so different due to having had different previous circumstances.

Sorry I didn't mean for it to come across like that. There are some people in social housing who don't deserve it.... They are a minority. Sorry its been a long day and I'm not articulating myself very well.

All I meant was that social housing was designed to support people who need help. She needed help and took it, she has got her life back on track etc. She has turned her life around from the horrible situation she was in.

I know people have begrudged me having my house in the past but it gave us the fresh start we needed to start moving forwards in life and to be constructive members of society. Before I was stuck in limbo.

also when I said "don't deserve it" I probably used the wrong turn of phrase, like I said its been a long day.

We live in an unequal society. There are so many factors that impact on peoples circumstances that it is pointless to perceive your friends situation as an inequality.

I remember living in my first brought property which was an a hideous state of repair, losing my job and struggling to pay bills. We visited friends who had moved into a private rented flat, it was beautifully decorated, warm and they had new white goods. They were on benefits as she was a single mum and he had a health condition. I felt like crap that I was working my arse off and living in a grubby, cold place. It didnt seem fair.

Life is very different now. One thing I have had throughout though is choice. Being homeless and fleeing abuse generally renders someone choiceless. Your friend has been able to get settled and make some good choices so is comfortable.

However, not all social housing is pleasant or easy to live in. It is not all conducive to good mental health, going to work or being part of a community. Some of it is frankly horrible. Your friend has been fortunate that she isn't living near abusive, noisy or anti social people who are making her life difficult. ANYONE who is in housing need is going to be in a position where they might just end up in some shade of hell. I wouldnt want that. Nor would you.

And before I get flamed I have lived in Social Housing estates and It is hard going. Every single day.

To clarify. In one estate I lived I was tormented by a neighbor to the point where leaving the house caused an anxiety attack. Another place I lived next door to an all night party/drug house. I was unlucky! I know these things don't just happen in Social Housing areas but they do tend to be less common when people have to get up in the morning and go to work.

''All I meant was that social housing was designed to support people who need help.''

It wasn't. It was built to provide reasonably priced, good quality housing with secure tenancies. It was primarily but not exclusively aimed at the working classes.

Sorry to pick on you again. Nothing personal.

People who live in SH have to get up and go to work.

They are not all unemployed antisocial druggies.

Period, private rental isn't always good for your health either. It's causing a lot of people a lot of stress and hardship. No secure tenancy. Rent going up. Having to move out of your home area because prices have gone up. Shitty landlords and agencies. etc.

They are not all unemployed antisocial druggies

Yeah, I know that Usual I knew that post wouldnt come across well! Where I lived I was in a horrible place. Actually one of the places was a private landlord. Yeah, actually my argument is holding hardly any weight. I think what I'm trying to say is that there isn't much choice. Some people get great places, others are unlucky.

You only qualify for Social Housing if you are in Housing Need. if you are going private rented, in majority of circumstances you can check out areas, choose between a few different properties etc. The fact that it is often poor quality, over priced is a seperate issue.

Back to my original argument that there is no point in making comparisons. Unfortunately Social Housing isnt accessible to everyone who doesnt want to or cant own. It bloody should be.

I don't understand why you can't afford another child when household income must be at least 35k and your rent is so low. Do you spend a lot on luxuries?
Don't blame your friend for having social housing. Blame the government that is reducing the amount of council housing we have.

'It wasn't. It was built to provide reasonably priced, good quality housing with secure tenancies. It was primarily but not exclusively aimed at the working classes'

Yes and at one time 1/3 of the population lived in them. The aim was to foster a mixed community where there would be doctors living in a street with butchers and manual workers living side by side. There were often conditions attached such as keeping the property up to scratch etc.

YABU for trying to blame your friend/society for your own dithering. It's perfectly possible to have two kids in a 2 bed house, in fact I'd say that most people who aren't extremely rich do this ffs, so why do you think you're so special that you need a 3 bed before you even get knocked up?

I've lived in social housing and I wouldn't trade the druggie neighbours for an extra bedroom any time, I don't think you would either really, I think you are just trying to make yourself feel virtuous and self denying when really you are just faffing about and being indecisive about having another child.

But any one can apply to rent a council house - it's just that when demand outstrips supply they give them out based on priority - at one point your friend was in such a terrible situation that she went to the top of the list - but she is paying rent - at £28k they won't get hb and probably get nothing /nearly nothing in child tax credits / working tax credits - and with 3 dc it may not be financially viable to go back to work.

I can't see much to be jealous of, tbh. HTH.

There is a huge difference between social housing and private renting costs. I am a single mum to 2 dc, my abusive ex just left one day and has refused to pay anything towards his children ever since. I work full time but my wage is very low and half of my wage is spent on rent. I have huge childcare bills which although I receive tax credits the majority goes on the childcare. I am also given £6 a month housing benefit but as you can imagine that does not go far. i am also at uni part time so 2 evenings a week as i am desperate to change the sotuation. When my ex left I applied for a council house but was told there wasn't enough and as we already had a home, private rent, I would not be able to get a council house.
My friend however is also a single mum but was given a council house as she went into a women's refuge. I don't by any means think being in a refuge is a nice place to be but I easily could have been there myself I just stuck the abuse out as was so afraid of my children being homeless. My friend has all rent, most of council tax plus water bill paid, receives job seekers, tax credits and £700 a month tax free maintenance. She openly says there is loopholes in system but yeah she's happy so she's just gonna keep living like that.
I dont think that the benefits system is fair at all. I work like a dog for min wage and although we survive and my kids are dressed decent enough and ate given decent food to live on there is no extras. My friends kids are taken on hols bought all latest stuff and yet she sits in her house all day watching tv. She even says to me I shouldn't be at work all time as would be better for kids if I picked them up from school. She simply doesn't understand that you need to work to keep a roof over your head.

OP its not your friend's fault that council housing rents are low. Its none of your business how she and partner are living & earning. Are you on here hoping to gain satisfaction in seeing a whole lot of posters dissing your friend? Whats wrong with your own life, that you have time to look over your friend's fence in envy? What do you feel? That she's been 'rewarded' after going through a horrible situation that no woman would want to experience? This is so meanspirited.

Some of my friends are in council accommodation I dont know how much rent they pay, in fact it doesnt even come to my mind to wonder - nor do I have any judgment about how they & their family are living. Im not nosing around their homes faffing myself that their carpet is better than mine! I feel quite sorry for your friend actually - you are purporting to be her friend whilst holding envy in your heart against her and her family. You do this in full knowledge that she fled violence. I am glad she is safe, and in a lovely home now. She'll never forget what happened to her, but at least she has luck and peace now.

OP your rent is less than our mortgage, and once you have taken maintence payments for DSS into account your husbands take home is more than ours. We have three children as well and manage. It's very very tight but we manage. And I wuld prefer to be skint than not have the DC.

What are you spending all that on?

Agree with others posters. Are you a big waster of money in general?

Are you sure her rent is 1/2 yours? HA have to charge 'market rent' so either you do not have the facts or you are vastly overpaying.