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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be jealous of my friend having DC3? they can only afford it as they are in a council house! She doesn't even work.

209 replies

LifeIsNotFair · 14/12/2013 10:30

DH and I are 30. have one dc who is 5. And I want another one so badly ....We live in a 2 bed private rent and pay £650 a month. DH earns OK money and I work part time, just one day a week atm, am tryng to get more hours but no joy. It it is not quite enough to get a mortgage and even if it was we have nothing spare to save for a deposit.

My BF is also 3O. She has a DS, 8, with her ex. Her ex was violent and it got worse when her ds was born. she left him when when her DS was a baby, and they ended up in a B&B while they were found accomodation. She was given a 2 bed HA house. When her DS was about 2 she met her now DH, who is lovely. He took on her DS as his own, then they quickly had a DC together (her DC2) and got married. A couple of years ago they managed to get a swap to a 3 bed council house. She is now ready to have DC3 any day.

BF's DH earns similar to my DH (about 28k). The difference is their rent is about half what we pay, so they are able to afford dc3 without too many worries. They have done their house up as it was in quite a bad state when they moved in. But it is gorgeous now as her DH is handy with DIY, new kitchen, new carpets and wood floors everywhere, nice tidy garden. we can't do anything like that to ours, there's no point as we don't know how long we will get to stay here, plus we can't afford it anyway as no spare cash. They have a car each and she does not work, she wants to when the DCS are bigger but atm she really doesn't need to. The DCS have whatever they like. They are also saving for a deposit to buy it as they have right to buy. We are in the North btw so 28k is ok money where we are.

I freely admit I am jealous as hell :( but I feel bad that I feel like that. as she really is lovely, and I love her to bits. And I know she got where she is via shitty circumstances but my god has she landed on her feet now. Envy

OP posts:
redshifter · 14/12/2013 12:10

your friend gets cheaper rent because it is subsidised by everyone who pays council tax, and other taxes

No it isn't.

I don't know where people get this idea from. Confused

FraidyCat · 14/12/2013 12:11

You sure her rent is half of what you pay?

Even in the north they don't tend to be that much cheaper.

Here's a thread about council rents in Tower Hamlets being one third of market price. (I'd guess council are more subsidised in London than in the North?)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1828729-To-think-some-social-housing-rents-should-be-tripled

MiaowTheCat · 14/12/2013 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 14/12/2013 12:14

OK, you want what she's got.

Find and absuive fuckwit to make your life hell for a few years. Go through the trauma and terror of leaving him for your child's sake. Step into the unknown with nothing to your name but a child and maybe (if you're lucky) a tiny glimmer of hope, but more likely and black cloud of despair and hopelessness.

Then you can have what she's got, no problem.

gamerchick · 14/12/2013 12:15

They are not subsidised when you are paying full rent and no you don't have to be on minimum wage to have a council house.

They do however show how wrong private rents are

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 14/12/2013 12:17

Re subsidising.
Can anyone who thinks this show the link that proves that council tax is paid to housing associations?

Because i look at my ct bill and i see police. I see fire brigade. I see local council.
I do not see housing association.
I may be wrong. I may have missed it. What percentage of council tax or government funds is paid to housing associations in order to subsidise rents?
this is not the same thing as housing benefit which is an income related benefit paid to any renter regardless of whether they are in social or private rented.
I mean £X is paid to housing associations in order that they can offer a lower rent than the private sector.
If that is indeed what happens then i will be right back with a sincere apology.

Heartbrokenmum73 · 14/12/2013 12:22

Just to back up what HEC is saying (and she makes brilliant sense, as always):

I get Housing Benefit. I rent privately.

My parents get Housing Benefit. They have social housing.

It has nothing to do with social housing and everything to do with individual circumstances.

NigellaLaw5on · 14/12/2013 12:23

If they are doing nothing wrong they have nothing to worry about, we should be more proactive in detecting benefit fraud instead of just taking peoples word for it.

It seems rather lavish to me when you consider what the take home pay must be, if you do the calculations you'll see that i have a valid point.

Heartbrokenmum73 · 14/12/2013 12:26

Oh, and wrt to social housing and the bedrooms they give you, they don't just give you a property with a bedroom for every child.

It's down to gender and ages of the children.

I have three dc. DD is 12 so she would therefore qualify for a room of her own, due to privacy issues. DS1 and DS2 are 8 and 5. I would be offered three bedrooms maximum on the social housing register, which I think is completely fair.

And I'm currently sorting all the required paperwork to get on the social housing register - nothing to do with the cost of it, everything to do with security and being completely unable to buy my own home because ex has fucked the previous mortgage!

Heartbrokenmum73 · 14/12/2013 12:28

Nigella

Valid point, my arse. Bitterness and nastiness talking is all. You have no reason to believe that they are committing benefit fraud, you just wanted to have a little poke and a little stir.

You have no idea what kind of cars they are driving. They could be two £500 jobs for all you know.

Stop being so bitter and twisted - have you not got a cauldron you need to check on?

JinglingRexManningDay · 14/12/2013 12:31

The two cars could be 10 years old,they could be gifts from family,they could've saved pennies in a jar. Vigilance about benefit fraud my arse.

Iamsparklyknickers · 14/12/2013 12:31

Nigella how on earth are you doing any calculations? There's not nearly enough info in the OP's post to do anything that would have any basis in reality.

People manage their budgets differently - for all you know they could be eating basic brands only, buying all their clothes at car boot sales and never turn on the heating. Just as likely they could have credit.

Don't talk such bs about being able to report people for benefit fraud on the basis of they what have.

BillyBanter · 14/12/2013 12:35

Council housing is not subsidised.

I was going to have a go but I see you have acknowledged this is a systemic housing issue not your friend's fault.

JinglingRexManningDay · 14/12/2013 12:36

If that was the case sparklyknickers then I would be reported every week. Hardwood floors,two cars,nice stuff,holiday booked and in a council house. Am I supposed to be in sackcloth and ashes?

RedLondonBus · 14/12/2013 12:36

heartbroken you've cheered me up with that cauldron comment! Grin I will use that in RL if I remember it

nigella you have no clue.... Any benefits they receive could be suspended whilst a fraud claim is investigated and they may have to undergo interviews under caution..... What a waste of time and money for an 'off chance'. Some dim posts on MN today

RedLondonBus · 14/12/2013 12:38

nigella actually, what do you think is actually fraud? Benefit fraud? Which benefits are they claiming??

ssd · 14/12/2013 12:39

I dont think the op is BU

its isnt fair, I agree

I dont like all the holier than thou comments here, hope you are all polishing your halo's out there, it must be good to be perfect.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 14/12/2013 12:39

Jingling- and walking the streets ringing a bell and shouting unclean unclean.

farrowandbawlbauls · 14/12/2013 12:40

Nigella - they will have something to worry about. Once a report is filed and the look into it all benefits are stopped, with no notice. All of it. They have nothing. maybe tax credits and child benefit.

By the time the investigation has finished and they haven't found anything - depending on their personal financial circumstance they could have already lost their home or about to loose it - be in debt with council tax, have arrears in reant and utilities and before you say "well they should have kept something to one side for emergencies" You try to save up on benefits. Even if it took you a year you still wouldn't have enough to cover your arse just because a so called friend reported you for having something they don't have.

So take that advice and shove it sideways where the sun doesn't shine. Unless ANYONE has actual proof that there is benefit fraud (wasn't it only about 3% or something anyway) you should keep your nose and your opinions to yourself.

gamerchick · 14/12/2013 12:40

I see there is a poster who uses the DM calculator. They pull figures out of thin air and make assumptions as well.

Our car cost 150 quid Grin

Heartbrokenmum73 · 14/12/2013 12:41

I dont like all the holier than thou comments here

Which ones are those??? Confused

RedLondonBus · 14/12/2013 12:41

Did op mention her friend was actually ON any benefits??

farrowandbawlbauls · 14/12/2013 12:42

Sorrry about the spellings, I can't be bothered to proof read when answering stupid comments.

BackOnlyBriefly · 14/12/2013 12:42

Sure I read some rumour about Nigella being on drugs. Was it this Nigella cos she doesn't seem to be thinking clearly.

Hey maybe we could report this Nigella as being on drugs just in case? After all if she isn't then nothing to worry about.

OP YANBU to have the feeling that you deserve better and as laurie said further back this could all be improved with a 'mass social house building programme with fair rents for all and secure tenancies'

gamerchick · 14/12/2013 12:43

No the OP said they were on about 28K but of course according to one they still should be scrimping.