to be jealous of my friend having DC3? they can only afford it as they are in a council house! She doesn't even work.

[LifeIsNotFair]

DH and I are 30. have one dc who is 5. And I want another one so badly ....We live in a 2 bed private rent and pay £650 a month. DH earns OK money and I work part time, just one day a week atm, am tryng to get more hours but no joy. It it is not quite enough to get a mortgage and even if it was we have nothing spare to save for a deposit.

My BF is also 3O. She has a DS, 8, with her ex. Her ex was violent and it got worse when her ds was born. she left him when when her DS was a baby, and they ended up in a B&B while they were found accomodation. She was given a 2 bed HA house. When her DS was about 2 she met her now DH, who is lovely. He took on her DS as his own, then they quickly had a DC together (her DC2) and got married. A couple of years ago they managed to get a swap to a 3 bed council house. She is now ready to have DC3 any day.

BF's DH earns similar to my DH (about 28k). The difference is their rent is about half what we pay, so they are able to afford dc3 without too many worries. They have done their house up as it was in quite a bad state when they moved in. But it is gorgeous now as her DH is handy with DIY, new kitchen, new carpets and wood floors everywhere, nice tidy garden. we can't do anything like that to ours, there's no point as we don't know how long we will get to stay here, plus we can't afford it anyway as no spare cash. They have a car each and she does not work, she wants to when the DCS are bigger but atm she really doesn't need to. The DCS have whatever they like. They are also saving for a deposit to buy it as they have right to buy. We are in the North btw so 28k is ok money where we are.

I freely admit I am jealous as hell :( but I feel bad that I feel like that. as she really is lovely, and I love her to bits. And I know she got where she is via shitty circumstances but my god has she landed on her feet now.

RedLondonBus - no, there is no mention of any benefits in the original OP. Just her husband earning £28,000.

But some people are making the assumption that because OP's friend is in social housing, she is therefore claiming benefits. And that because she is claiming benefits and has the audacity to own two cars, she must be defrauding the system.

What Heart said. People assume social housing been benefit claimant's.

Yes HEC of course my bell.

Ahh ... Assumptions!!

Social housing is for everyone! Working or not.... Anyone can apply. Wasn't there a MP who was still in a council home?

And it's a tenancy you are given.... You can use it to move around the uk, choose a flat or house, move from a one bed up to a 3 bed and then back down to a one bed again , or sheltered housing in later life..... You aren't given a house!

I'm going to report all of my friends for a variety of misdemeanors from drunk driving to child abuse, on the basis of no evidence whatsoever. After all if they've done nothing wrong they have nothing to worry about. Except the stress of being investigated, possibly losing benefits, jobs, access to their children, the suspicious looks of all their acquaintences lingering long after they've been cleared, the knowledge that someone has done this to them etc. etc.

Redlondon I think it was a Union leader if I'm remembering rightly. Jingle I was agreeing with you - unless I've read that wrong .

Other posters have raised an excellent point - exactly how much tax payers money is being wasted on malicious or unnecessary investigations?

I live in the south. Plenty of people in my area paying around £500 a month for one room in a shared house and not earning anywhere near £28,000 a year. Obviously they are usually single, and don't have children.

Renting a two bedroom house or flat would be around twice what you're paying OP, depending on which part of town it's in.

Can't see your problem tbh.

YABU OP I would focus your energies on how to get the things in life you want not waste time feeling envious of anyone

sparklyknickers I forgot this in my post which made it read a bit snotty. I was agreeing with you too,saying on the basis of reporting because people have things that the reporter wants.

What does a two/ three bed cost to buy around you? What would a 5% deposit therefore be?

What would it take to raise that 5%? I'm thinking babysitting, dog walking, Ebaying every clothing item that doesn't fit/ every item in the house you haven't used in six months (toys, music, books, clothes, furniture, kitchen stuff). What could you budget cut/ sacrifice to raise that deposit?

A few years ago there was a TV series pay off your mortgage in twelve months. It was an eye opener. How far would you go short term to raise your deposit to buy your family a home then be able to have DC2? No holidays/ rent out a room/ take in a summer language student?

Its hard not to feel the weight of jealousy sometimes but try to get productive/ busy and not dwell too much it'll send you into a downward spiral of depression.

Bob Crow earns 150k a year and lives in a council house. They are not linked to income at all.

You work one day a week & regard that as part time...do me a favour! That's barely working.
If you want more money...which is what your post boils down to..council housing, cars, more babies etc etc is the window dressing to your envy.
If you want to have more...you go get it yourself ...just like to rest of us do. YAabsolutelyU.

OP, I have had a very similar path to your friend. Only differences being we exchanged from a second floor flat to a house due to DS being autistic. Second child didn't happen sadly. We brought our house as DH inherited a small sum when his DF died.

You'd be really jealous of me . My violent, drunk, abusive ex forced his way in when I threw him out. Ripped the phone line, threatened to kill me and took my baby in the middle of the night. A favourite little trick of his was bending my fingers back and threatening to break them unless I handed DS to him. Taking my glasses so I couldn't see and throwing me out the door. I could go on and on but you must be green with envy!

I have a very happy life with lovely DH. Can't work for now due to Asd DS and chronic anxiety caused by past events. I have had a long hard hike to get this far. You sound deeply unpleasant. I hope your friend wises up to you.

Thanks for all the posts, even the harsh ones. I am being horrible and U aren't I? I am quite embarassed about my OP, it came after having (yet another) discussion with DH last night re having DC2 or not. but none of it is her fault, and I feel a horrible friend.

Some good advice as well, thanks.

I do think something needs to be done about the cost of private renting though. And / or more social housing needs to be built. Imagine if everyone was paying a fair amount, it would be such a boost to the economy as people would have more disposable income. not to mention the dramatic dent it would make in the Housing Benefit bill.

Don't be jealous. Have you thought about the cost involved in bringing up 3 children?

HECtheHerald "Re subsidising. Can anyone who thinks this show the link that proves that council tax is paid to housing associations? Because i look at my ct bill and i see police. I see fire brigade. I see local council.
I do not see housing association."

A commercial rent is not charged for council houses (ie a rent that would be obtained in the open market). This means that the council is foregoing income by not sweating its assets (or selling them and investing the proceeds, not that I advocate that). Because the council has less income than it would have if it charged a market rent, council tax is higher than it would otherwise be. So, no, you won't see it listed as a charge but your council tax bill would be significantly lower if the councils charged market rent to their tenants. Obviously there are valid social reasons for subsidised housing, which I completely support, but don't kid yourself that council housing it is not subsidised.

So what is the issue between you and DH about having DC2? That is clearly really the issue.

Let us help you with that?

Except i didnt say council. I said housing association.

I wonder how you talk about people who aren't friends who've endured homelessness and DV?

Thanks Jingly, I do struggle sometimes to read the tone of posts - thought it best to check

Sorry, hadn't seen your follow up post.

When I saw the title I thought your friend and her dh were both out of work and on benefits...but I see he does work. You are right, its not fair but lifes not fair. Some people live in mansions and some are homeless. There is always someone better off than you and always someone worse off. For what its worth, I couldn't feel jealous of someone having their third child...it sounds like a sh*t load of hard work.

Meant to say prof that i am not being narky. I really do mean that i will gracefully withdraw my comments if it does turn out that this countrys housing associations are in the annual budget and its specified x amount in order to part fund rents for those in social housing.

Focus on raising cash for a deposit by:
1 - increasing your work hours
2 - changing your job to go properly p/t but that would increase your childcare costs
3 - selling old stuff
4 - budget better by shopping smarter
5 - sort your finances out

www.moneysavingexpert.com/mortgages/

6 - how expensive would a baby be? You just use your old baby equipment & buy 2nd hand. It just sleeps & feeds and the lack of your salary isnt going to make a big dent in your budget if you went on m leave. I think you are over thinking the financial aspect of baby no 3 but it depends on what type of lifestyle that you have & if you are prepared to make any sacrifices to have a 2nd child. I would and did make sacrifices to have my dc & I certainly wasnt jealous of my friends.

Concentrate on improving your own situation & remember what you what for yourself, you should also want for your friend.

You're right OP. It isn't fair. I say this as someone with three children, and no husband, who rents privately and depends on benefits.

We live in a good area and though the house is too small (two bedrooms) we are very lucky to live here.

The number of other, working parents who have commented in a very rude way on the fact we get to live here for free is amazing.

The fact is I agree with them that the system is inequitable. But if it were not for the system I would not have a home and neither would my children.

I'm glad of the council housing system but I do think that everyone should be entitled to a house, and an income if we come to it, and then if they choose to earn more and add that on, that's up to them.

It remains difficult to get a council house in almost any circumstances, unless you're prepaed to wait up to 10 years or so, and they have been fortunate only through the fact she had such an awful time of it in the first place.

Be glad for them but there it is - there's nothing you can do except your best. And be glad you have not had the experience she had, which landed her there.