to be jealous of my friend having DC3? they can only afford it as they are in a council house! She doesn't even work.

[LifeIsNotFair]

DH and I are 30. have one dc who is 5. And I want another one so badly ....We live in a 2 bed private rent and pay £650 a month. DH earns OK money and I work part time, just one day a week atm, am tryng to get more hours but no joy. It it is not quite enough to get a mortgage and even if it was we have nothing spare to save for a deposit.

My BF is also 3O. She has a DS, 8, with her ex. Her ex was violent and it got worse when her ds was born. she left him when when her DS was a baby, and they ended up in a B&B while they were found accomodation. She was given a 2 bed HA house. When her DS was about 2 she met her now DH, who is lovely. He took on her DS as his own, then they quickly had a DC together (her DC2) and got married. A couple of years ago they managed to get a swap to a 3 bed council house. She is now ready to have DC3 any day.

BF's DH earns similar to my DH (about 28k). The difference is their rent is about half what we pay, so they are able to afford dc3 without too many worries. They have done their house up as it was in quite a bad state when they moved in. But it is gorgeous now as her DH is handy with DIY, new kitchen, new carpets and wood floors everywhere, nice tidy garden. we can't do anything like that to ours, there's no point as we don't know how long we will get to stay here, plus we can't afford it anyway as no spare cash. They have a car each and she does not work, she wants to when the DCS are bigger but atm she really doesn't need to. The DCS have whatever they like. They are also saving for a deposit to buy it as they have right to buy. We are in the North btw so 28k is ok money where we are.

I freely admit I am jealous as hell :( but I feel bad that I feel like that. as she really is lovely, and I love her to bits. And I know she got where she is via shitty circumstances but my god has she landed on her feet now.

As someone in a council house I know that my rent over the last number of years has been increased by a percentage and then approx £3, this is to bring it up to what is considered a fair rent for the area. This an ongoing government dictat.

I worked this out last year when the letter came in and the true percentage increase was a little under 10% I work and my pay increase for the same period was 1%.

My apparently 'subsided' rent now makes up just under 40% of my take home wages. I don't qualify for any benefits - I earn to much!!

How would more social housing make a dent in the housing benefit bill? Are people still under the assumption that HB covers a full private rent? Mine is short by £110 a month. I'm sure there are people who short by even more.

One other thing to consider is that council owned property is normally in the most awful areas and you have to share your locality with people who truly take the piss. (as well as nice, normal people of course - but still)

One reason we didn't go through the council house scheme, tbh.

You sure her rent is half of what you pay?

Even in the north they don't tend to be that much cheaper

Here's a thread about council rents in Tower Hamlets being one third of market price. (I'd guess council are more subsidised in London than in the North

Sorry, I didn't word that well and I think you read it differently to how I intended it to read!

I know how comparatively cheaper social housing is, Ive been a SH tenant for some time.

What I meant was, is the OP sure her friends rent is half of what hers is [ie £325?] which is low for a 3 bed house even in the north.

I wasn't saying that I didn't think social housing rents were that much cheaper in general.

I am in a council house. It is 2 bed and the rent is £325. I cant see a three bed been the same. I am also up north

How would more social housing make a dent in the housing benefit bill? Are people still under the assumption that HB covers a full private rent? Mine is short by £110 a month. I'm sure there are people who short by even more

Even with those on HB who pay top up to their rent, it would make a difference because lots of private lets are very expensive, particularly in the south east/London.

Do people in private rents in London/SE get more housing benefit than those in council houses in London/SE? (Genuine question, I'm up north).

Have just read that you conceded to being UR wrt your friend - good, coz you were!

There's plenty you can do to change your circumstances, and loads of good advice from posters on how to.

As Janey said, your child is school age now, so you are able to work more if you choose to - if you want more money and another child then this is your first issue to address.

Wrt housing, the part rent/part buy scheme seems on the face of it to be quite good for people getting on the ladder - my cousin has been doing this for the last few years and has now upsized from a flat to a house so it can work out quite well if you plan right (at least all the money is not 'dead money' on rent).

Mrsmorton said on the very first post:

"The only time you should look into your neighbour's bowl is to make sure they have enough"

this is v v good advice too!

I wish all the people who assume rents for council housing are 'subsidised' would actually check their facts. I know this myth has been corrected several times on this thread, but no doubt it will crop up the next time there's a relevant thread or post...

NB I don't live in a council house so no personal axe to grind here - I just wish there was more affordable and social housing for everyone who needs it. Pathetic that the sixth richest country in the world can't manage to create decent affordable homes for everyone.

I understand your frustration OP. I once lived in a council house the rent was £100 p/w. My best friend at work, lived in the house next door, ex council house, privately renting for £300 p/w.

We earned exactly the same wage, but he was just getting by, I was able to afford cars and holidays etc. Every year.

The extra £10000 per year I had to spend made a big difference. I was no more deserving than him, I was just lucky to be a few years older and was able to get a council tenancy when there was not such a drastic shortage.

It seemed very unfair to me. He must have felt very, very frustrated.

Then again another colleague inherited a large house, he lived a very nice lifestyle as he had zero rent or mortgage to pay. This didn't seem fair either.

It must be very hard sometimes when you work just as hard as your friends, neighbours and colleagues yet you can't afford to give your children the same things.

I wish all the people who assume rents for council housing are 'subsidised' would actually check their facts. I know this myth has been corrected several times on this thread, but no doubt it will crop up the next time there's a relevant thread or post

It must be a popular misconception, it even says it on the shelter website

We pay £650 a month for our mortgage, and DH only earns £22k. I work 2 days a week which basically just covers the cost of the nursery bill for those two days.

I would say your issue is your budgeting!!! It is completely possible to afford 2 dc's on £28k+!!! You need to look at your spends (luxury ones, by this I mean clothes, nights out, hairstyling, cosmetics etc etc) and work out what you don't need. We have zero luxuries but no 2 is on the way and couldn't be happier!

Hello OP.

If your dh earns 28k that is more than mine does, we also live in the North and over the years with 3 dc have managed to live very well. The tax credits will cover most of the expense of another dc and is the way to go if you want more dc, unless of course you are loaded.
You will soon save up enough for a deposit and like others have said you can live frugally if you want to save.

Do people in private rents in London/SE get more housing benefit than those in council houses in London/SE?

Yes, of course they do.

In my area of London the Local Housing allowance for a 3 bed house is £350 per week (and it't very hard to find a private rent that low), the equivalent council rent would be about £150 per week.

So yes. If you were entitled to full HB a privater renter could get £200 per week more.

Of course they do. Like I'm stupid for asking because it doesn't work like that here. This place sometimes.

Sorry sutekidane I didn't mean to be rude though I can see I was.

But I can't understand how it would work any different where you are, unless council rents are the same as private rents.

How does it work in your area? I am genuinely interested.

£28k should result n a take home pay of £1800 or thereabouts - if you pay £650 rent thats £1150 to live on which isn;t generous for a four person family but I would have thought quite possible if its what you want. You just have to choose what you spend your money on.

And that doesn't take into account that you get child benefit and work 1 day a week.

I would say it is as simple as your DH not wanting a second child enough to give up the money you earn in your one day a week. I suspect you probably don;t know what the household budget looks like and I would strongly suggest you wise about the financials pretty quickly if the money is disappearing with nothing to show for it. You aslo need a separate conversation with your DH about whether he actually wants DC2 because I think he's using money as the excuse.

Yy Kewcumber.

YABU to think you can't afford a second child. Why not, what is it you think you'd need? Another bedroom? (You don't) You'll have all the baby stuff presumably? If not it's cheap enough second hand. You sound well off enough to afford to feed an extra mouth. YABU to resent your friend because you're unhappy with your own situation.

We have 3 DC. DH earns £16,000, and I'm a SAHM. We're quite broke, but we manage, and our rent is more than yours.

YABU

No point being envious because where does it end? What about:

people who were left lots of money by family, people who bought before prices rose out of reach, etc etc

Council house is cheaper rent but not by that much anymore and rents will soon rise with fair rent policies. In addition, very wrongly, (but from my own experience of living on estates) some people do still judge you for living in CH which isn't nice. Also you are at the whim of the council who make it clear it isn't your own if they need access etc. In addition, can't see right to buy being around for much longer.

Your friend may have had some luck with her CH but also has had shit luck with the domestic violence etc. Many people may be envious of you, people who can't have any kids, can't get private rent houses etc.

So you have to be grateful for what you have. Anger should be directed at the government for letting rents and the cost of living rise and not providing more social housing.

Saying all this I can see where you are coming from and yes life is unfair.

OP you earn far more than DH and I ever have, even now we only earn £21,500 between us. But we have 3 children. None were planned,especially the third one ( I STILL don't know where he came from!!!) .
We started off in a 50% shared ownership flat (2 beds),paying rent and mortgage....about 6 months after we moved in the big crash happened (back in 1990) and we were in negative equity for 10 years. During that time I had my first pregnancy. Just after he was born my DH was made redundant.We struggled on.

4 years later, we were both working in reasonable jobs and I discovered I was pregnant again.I took maternity leave, but the law was different then, and they wouldn't take me back on a part-time basis,so I resigned and got a part-time evening job.

3 and a half years later, I had just started a better day-time job, and DH had just got a better one after another period of redundancy. 1 month into my new job I discovered that ,yet again I was pregnant! I wasn't going to have any others, but DH said we'd manage somehow.

What makes me really sad is I have never been "happy " at the news I was pregnant. It was always "Oh no, what are we going to do?" However, I have 3 lovely children between the ages of 21 and 13, and I wouldn't be without any of them.

When my eldest was 10, we made the decision to move North, to cheaper housing, where we were able to get a small house with a big garden for a small mortgage. We took a gamble, but we both managed to find work and here we are. We are not well off in the slightest,have low paid jobs, but we have a lovely family.The 2 oldest are in education,but both have part-time jobs.

What I am trying to say is, none of us know what our circumstances are going to be in a few years. You can have a vague plan,but be prepared for fate to throw a spanner in the works from time to time.

YABU to be so bitter and jealous of your friends while saying you love to her bits. I love my best friend to bits. She has a fab job; tonnes of money, a full-on social life, gorgeous home and always going on holidays. It sounds perfect to me. I don't feel when I see her pictures on FB, I feel happy for her. She's had tough times and worked very hard, sacrificing a lot to get where she is. Now, she's enjoying her life and I love to share it with her. That's what friendship is about. Would I like her life? Sometimes I think 'hell yeah' but mine's not so bad either. Comparison really is the thief of joy!

maybe landlords should cap their rents I think what private renters are paying is ridiculous I know of somebody who has just had to move out of their house because the landlord decided to increase it by 100 a month and with one wage coming in they can't afford it